Why tf havent you gone bionic yet?
westerntown wrote:Its been about 2 years of me seeing urologists for my issues. Each one just kind of shrugs their shoulders or says "youll get better" or some combination of the two.
Ive tried different treatments, but the reality is that there just isnt simply anything for hourglassing+ed
At 21, having this since 19, you can only imagine the wall ive hit these last two years. But i persevered. I started hitting the gym, and I even graduated college early and got a job in finance. My engine has always been full steam. But lately Ive hit a wall. I dont slepe at night. I dont get pleasure from going out with friends. Life just feels extremely pointless... because I feel like I have it all, except for the one thing I want most: a normal penis.
I miss everything about my life pre-19. I always wanted to grow up and face the real world, but Im realizing this is it. This is my life. Those feelings of love and intimacy, running around the room with my girl like were two bunnies, those feelings are so buried right now that I wouldnt even recognize the pre-19 me if he stared me in the face.
I somehow at 21, feel as if I have felt everything I am ever going to feel. It kills me to wrap my head around this. To accept. I am the biggest realist you will ever meet. I just want to say at face value that I dont value my life and have that be understood by friends and family. They always find a way to convince you otherwise- thats what makes them "friends and family." But lately, I dont care about their opinion. I just want what I want. And right now, at this wall, I am thinking I just dont want to exist and fight these problems every morning i wake up and every night I sleep. I dont want to look down at my penis and see a pathetic hourglass that is all turtled into my pubic bone. I dont want to have to play stupid when my friends talk about girls- the reality is that I slept with more women than all of them combined and thats giving them credit for up till now and giving myself credit for just pre-19. My manhood is diminished. No, I dont base my confidence in myself on my cock innately. But it hurts.
It not healthy for a 21 year old healthy and attractive looking male making money to have to deal with this. Its just not. Lashing out at family has become an unhealthy outlet, but the truth is im tired of them saying shit like "youll get better. here eat this turmeric and ginger." Gosh, like what the fuck man? Is this where I pictured myself ten years ago, five years ago? Depressed, impotent, a huge loser. And i get it, "go out and grab the life you want, no ones gonna give it to you." But how am I supposed to "grab" it when it doesnt exist. This isnt a PR in the gym where you keep lifting, and you keep eating, and you keep coming back and all of a sudden you earned your reward. No. Not at all. This a fucking slow spiral that can be stopped by nothing short of a fucking Moses-splitting-water-like miracle. I am frustrated. You can probably tell from the way I throw "fuck" around so liberally like urologists throw their cialis scripts.
Angry. Sad. Then angry. Everytime. I start out sad as fuck ready to cry in a ball, I start thinking out loud, and get angry enough to fight a small bear, and then rinse repeat. Ill go ignore things for days, even weeks, but be back at it eventually. Cause its not a cycle, its some weird cruvy, windy, loppy, track... but it always connects back to the end. And in that sense it is a cycle. And I know, its not healthy and its not productive or constructive and its never gonna get me anywhere. But again, where can I go?
Disclaimer: I may get comments saying I sound "defeatist." I think Im just tired man. I think its justified. I am not your traditional defeatist. I try to think of all avenues, and routes, and explore possibilities before I start splurging with my bullshit. But I did exhaust all those avenues and routes and possibilites for the last two years and Im really fed up with the results.
Currently lying down and my penis is retracted into my stomach, got a sharp pain in my right buttock near the outside glutes. Have not had a single sexual moment of intrigue in the last 6 months. Im a dog in misery. Put me down now, why dont you?.
31. Jelq-HF in 2017. Has continued to get worse. 5mg daily cialis, 10mg on demand. Considering other options.
