Telling a partner about past jelqing and implant

[goose1235]

Hi everyone,

Long story short I'm pretty sure I gave myself moderate ED (venous leak) bc of PE/jelqing. I'm young, 26, and you can imagine how much emotional distress I've been through these last few years. What I did was stupid and out of insecurity and exposure to porn, but the past is past. I've grown from this ordeal, and I'm mostly past the point of grieving for myself. I'm ready to move forward. I've decided to get an penile implant as I was diagnosed with venous leak. I can get an alright erection but cannot maintain it without constantly stimulation + it's way worse while standing. Pills do not help.

My final block is psychological.

How can I get over my shame, especially when I get a partner? How do I explain my implant? How do I be totally honest about how I injured myself? I'm honestly very anxious to reveal this past about myself since I feel like I might be looked at with disdain. There are days when I feel like I will never be loved. I'm someone who does not want to hide anything, I do not want to go through life bottled up. Does someone have experience with this?

Thank you

[GoodWood]

First things first.

You are beating yourself up for damaging yourself jelqing, creating your ED. You do not and cannot know that is true. The penis is just not that fragile. If it were our species would not have survived through the ages.

Every boy/young man is DRIVEN by hormones and desire. THAT is why we have survived. It’s hardwired. Its evolution. Every male masturbated FURIOIUSLY as a youngster. Every young couples often fuck until they are raw. Our genitals are WAY MORE durable. Let go of the belief that you damaged yourself. You didn’t cause your ED.

In fact, the beginnings of your ED likely led you to seek out porn for the stimulation, jelqing in an effort to improve what you were sensing was less than ideal erections.
In hindsight my ED, my venous leak, was slowly developing for years before I recognized it as ED. No reason for it. Nothing to blame. It just developed.

Instead, take pride in the fact that you are recognizing and addressing your ED. Lots of people go through life in denial, ignoring difficult or challenging things in their life. You are facing yours. And taking the step to correct it (implant) is a brave action.

As for telling your partner in the future about your implant there is already a lot of discussion about that on these forums. It seems that most guys that are hooking up don’t bother to tell, don’t need to tell. The ones that do tell don’t seem to report much rejection. Just the opposite, often their partners are thrilled that he has this superpower.

Obviously a spouse will know, but it will be up to you to decide when to tell. Successful lifelong relationships are built on shared interests, beliefs, goals, respect, attraction. Sex (while important) is NOT at the top of that list. When you fall in love with someone and they fall in love with you, your implant won’t be a big deal.

If these fears and beliefs persist, seek out a therapist to discuss this. Having an implant or jelqing as a young man won’t get in the way of having a successful relationship. But self-sabotaging negative beliefs will.

[Martin6469]

Such good wisdom from GoodWood, I'm hesitant to follow in his footsteps.

I'll just expand on one of GoodWood's comments: If she says, "What happened," you could say, "I don't know - it just stopped working - doctors couldn't figure it out - penises can stop working, like other organs." "We're lucky to be living in a world of prostheses - you women have your breast implants, we guys also have implants!"

[goose1235]

First things first.

You are beating yourself up for damaging yourself jelqing, creating your ED. You do not and cannot know that is true. The penis is just not that fragile. If it were our species would not have survived through the ages.

Every boy/young man is DRIVEN by hormones and desire. THAT is why we have survived. It’s hardwired. Its evolution. Every male masturbated FURIOIUSLY as a youngster. Every young couples often fuck until they are raw. Our genitals are WAY MORE durable. Let go of the belief that you damaged yourself. You didn’t cause your ED.

In fact, the beginnings of your ED likely led you to seek out porn for the stimulation, jelqing in an effort to improve what you were sensing was less than ideal erections.
In hindsight my ED, my venous leak, was slowly developing for years before I recognized it as ED. No reason for it. Nothing to blame. It just developed.

Instead, take pride in the fact that you are recognizing and addressing your ED. Lots of people go through life in denial, ignoring difficult or challenging things in their life. You are facing yours. And taking the step to correct it (implant) is a brave action.

As for telling your partner in the future about your implant there is already a lot of discussion about that on these forums. It seems that most guys that are hooking up don’t bother to tell, don’t need to tell. The ones that do tell don’t seem to report much rejection. Just the opposite, often their partners are thrilled that he has this superpower.

Obviously a spouse will know, but it will be up to you to decide when to tell. Successful lifelong relationships are built on shared interests, beliefs, goals, respect, attraction. Sex (while important) is NOT at the top of that list. When you fall in love with someone and they fall in love with you, your implant won’t be a big deal.

If these fears and beliefs persist, seek out a therapist to discuss this. Having an implant or jelqing as a young man won’t get in the way of having a successful relationship. But self-sabotaging negative beliefs will.

Thanks, you’re right. I’m not entirely sure if it was even jelqing that did it. Maybe it sped up the ED that was already there. I’m just started therapy to exactly resolve my guilt and shame about this. I’m aware that my beliefs about my condition/state are negatively biased and mostly imaginary, but of course, it’s the hump from awareness to acceptance that challenging for me

[goose1235]

Such good wisdom from GoodWood, I'm hesitant to follow in his footsteps.

I'll just expand on one of GoodWood's comments: If she says, "What happened," you could say, "I don't know - it just stopped working - doctors couldn't figure it out - penises can stop working, like other organs." "We're lucky to be living in a world of prostheses - you women have your breast implants, we guys also have implants!"

I wont lie I considered dating only women with work done or alternative looks because at least there’s a good chance they understand insecurity and are open to what’s outside the norm. Yes, I know it is a stupid thought that pigeonholes me.

Like I said though, I do not want to lie or even hide the truth-I may have injured myself. I get the point, we can’t really control the afflictions we get

[Flavio]

[...] Does someone have experience with this?

Thank you

If you mean sexual performance anxiety, yes I have decades of experience. But if I could beat this curse, anyone can.

Anxiety is probably the #1 cause of ED. It's not a disease, it's a perfectly normal biological reaction but it may hurt your sex life. Luckily for us, it is easily treatable.

In my case, oral medication worked (first Cialis, now udenafil + oral phentolamine). I don't really need it anymore, but I just take it to improve my performance. Knowledge is essential: do some reading, the more you know about sex, the less stressful it will be.

Implants work but they're a last resort solution. Make sure you try everything else, before you make that important decision.

I know nothing about jelqing, any info on this is appreciated.

[Al1962]

A one night stand does not need to know.
A partner should be aware you had to have an implant to function. The rest of how and why can come later if you remain in a good relationship.

Just be a good person, good luck.