End of the world feeliing

[larrys1]

Having constant on-going problems with ED is having quite a draining effect and leaving my wife and I both with feelings of despair. To be honest, I fell down on the bedroom floor when she wasn't home one day and started bawling like a baby. I literally want to die some days. I have prayed to get some disease that takes me. I can't commit suicide because of life insurance would not pay out to her and like she said I would be leaving her alone to face the end alone. What I REALLY want is my function back. But since that isn't going to happen right away, I would some days just want to live alone in a little shack watching TV, smoking cigarettes, doing whatever I want or nothing and just get old and die. I hate my life at this point. I can't believe I took the initiative to be healthy, live healthy, eat right, take supplements, exercise and this is the reward I've gotten. I sit in the living room watching TV but not really watching it. I just don't want to talk to her about any of it anymore. We thought we were going to be able to live through it but it is becoming increasingly difficult and we are alienating each other further and further apart each day. This has got to be the cruelest trick life has to hand out. A healthy active beautiful wife begging for my body and all I have to offer is my limp dick. I don't know how much longer I can live this way. Trying to act like everything is OK but secretly falling apart inside. I keep seeing her in my mind interested in what other guys have to offer. Mind is playing crazy tricks on me. I even thought about telling her just to go ahead and stay sexually active with somebody else since I have turned out to be worthless. Sorry guys, just needed to vent...

[farmallfarmer]

Hi
There is no reason in this day and age to get depressed about ED. If you have not explored the options of pills and injections that is where you start. If those therapies do not work there is the implant which many of us have found to work very well.
I hope that you get yourself some help, with your depressed feelings, and your ED problem. You are not alone in having difficulties but there should be help that you need to pursue.
I wish you the best.

[alibaba]

I understand how it can take a toll on you like that. It built and built on me and my wife. ED issues since 1997. 12 years later I too sat in the corner of the living room and cried, then I started looking for help. Was not easy there either. You just fire a worthless quack doctor and try the next on the list till you get someone that is not a jerk, idiot or an ass. in Dec last year I wanted to blow my brains out on the parking lot after leaving an ass doctor, came home and worked day and night tearing apart and redoing the kitchen, got the frustrations out of my system and went to work to find a doc that could help and was not a total jerk. Feb 24th I get an implant. 19 years too late but it is going to happen! Just knowing the date has been calming. If I knew what I know now, i would have found a top doc, asked for an implant in 1997 and it would have been a big help to me and my wife. Every time pills started to fail, pumps wore out, injections quit working, out of meds, it was another frustration. At one point I felt so sorry for my wife I wished I could hire her a male whore. I did not know implants existed until recent years. You have to be proactive. Get out there and kick some butt. Nobody should have to deal with this $hi! because there are options. if your doc does not offer any help, fire his sorry ass. Injections worked for me for 2 full months, then the prostate cancer hit but those two months were FABULOUS for both of us. Please quit smoking. the incidence of ED in smokers is MUCH higher and ED can be a sign that smoking has already caused issues. Best of luck to you and your wife. Lots of hugs. Now get off your butt and kick some ass to take care of this problem!

[LonelyVenture]

Hi brother.
I fully understand the place your head is in. Im going to tell you my story, not to make you feel things can get worse, but to share with you that I understand and that life can get much better for you.

I am 57 and have been dealing with Peyronies disease for the past 8 years. I remember the first day I knew something was wrong when I found a pea size tumor on my distal shaft. I went to the urologist fearing I had penile cancer only to learn what it really was. At that time I had not experienced any curvature problems, that came 4-5 months later when overnight it seems I developed a 20-30 degree curve to the right in the distal shaft. I was devastated but my beautiful, active, 13 years younger wife downplayed it and said she couldn't tell any difference when we were sexually active. That helped, but the curvature was constantly on my mind during coitus.

Well, over the last 7 years, my curvature has progressed to its now 90 degree right turn. This has so impacted my mental health that while still remaining sexually active, I in hindsight began to pull away form her and isolate myself emotionally. All the while she maintained it was never an issue for her and at times, sex really felt better.

Well, in May of this year my life changed forever. I found out my wife had had a brief affair that began as an emotional affair then evolved into a sexual affair. The other guy was her age and she had known him for 32 years as a friend growing up. She met up in Orlando last fall with a few of her high school and college girlfriends to go to a Halloween night at Universal Studios for a long weekend with my blessings. Our two sons, 9 and 10 stayed hime with me while she went away for a girls weekend. Well, she had arranged for him to meet them there and this is when they had sex.

She had concealed this from me for 6 months before I found out. During this time she had entered into counseling for herself for what I took as depression, but little did I know the real reason she was in counseling. She was remorseful and working on getting her head on straight while I was clueless. Once I found out what was going on, she already had a 6 month head start on me dealing with the emotional impact of her actions. I have to say for the first 3-4 months I was suicidal and homicidal toward the guy who I had never met nor knew where he lived. Over 2-3 months after discovery, she dribbled out additional information about him and the affair that she initially denied. Had I known everything from day one, there is no doubt in my mind I would be divorced by now. As it is, she is very contrite and is very regretful of her decisions. It seems the Peyronies did have a sexual and emotional impact on her that she never admitted to me or herself. We have been through several individual and marital counselors since discovery. I don't know how things will turn out for us. Inspire of what we have suffered through, there is so much we have in common and do love each other, but I have to admit it is a different kind of love for me now. Trust is all but gone for me. This is someone I trusted more than anyone in life and could tell anything to. Now that metric has changed and I no longer have those feelings for her. we still live together and share the same bed and try to stay sexually active.

My doc had me on 4 meds during my crisis, now I'm off all the meds and doing okay. I had waves of anxiety and depression multiple times daily during the first 4 months. My mind still pictures them having sex on a daily basis and I can't seem to shut that down. I once felt I was a passenger on a bus that she was driving and I had no idea where she was taking me or when she was going to push me out. NOW I'm driving that bus and my head is in a good place. I started Xiaflex injection for the Peyronies, more for myself than for her. Unfortunately those did not work and Ive decided to get an inflatable implant in 2 months, again for me not for her. I never had ED before May but you can bet your last dollar my head has messed with my erection since then.

I don't know what your situation is but please get with a urologist and get on meds or get an implant for yourself. I have talked with so many guys who have had implants and the overwhelming comments from them center around their regret for waiting so long to get it done. I hope this helps you see you are not alone. I also hope you never go through what I have went through with your wife. If you have, life can get better. See a counselor as embarrassing as it seems. I was more embarrassed about talking with female counselors about being cheated on that I was about talking with with them about ED and Peyronies. HANG IN THERE! DONT GIVE UP!

[alibaba]

A note on the pea size lumps. I had 3 of those about 6 years ago. Seems like they weren't there, then they were and did not go away. Hard as a rock. I saw some top urologists in St. Louis who told me nothing could be done. I discussed them one night with a friend in Costa Rica and he said he knew someone there that had the same issue. His Costa Rican doc told him to take pregenelone several capsules a day and it would go away in a few months which it did. I think it took 4 months for his to go away. I ordered a bottle from Wonder labs and in about 3 months they were gone. Quit taking it and in a few months I had some more so I started again and once again they went away. After that I never quit taking it. It took about 6 capsules a day to get rid of them, and I take 2 a day for a maintenance dose. Did not fix my peyronies but certainly rid me of the lumps as well as the friend of a friend. I have no idea what the mode of action is or how it works. I emailed the doc in C.R. a few years ago and had a limited conversation with him but did not learn much more than that is their standard treatment for the lumps there. His english is limited. Hope this helps. d

[larrys1]

Hi brother.
I fully understand the place your head is in. Im going to tell you my story, not to make you feel things can get worse, but to share with you that I understand and that life can get much better for you.

I am 57 and have been dealing with Peyronies disease for the past 8 years. I remember the first day I knew something was wrong when I found a pea size tumor on my distal shaft. I went to the urologist fearing I had penile cancer only to learn what it really was. At that time I had not experienced any curvature problems, that came 4-5 months later when overnight it seems I developed a 20-30 degree curve to the right in the distal shaft. I was devastated but my beautiful, active, 13 years younger wife downplayed it and said she couldn't tell any difference when we were sexually active. That helped, but the curvature was constantly on my mind during coitus.

Well, over the last 7 years, my curvature has progressed to its now 90 degree right turn. This has so impacted my mental health that while still remaining sexually active, I in hindsight began to pull away form her and isolate myself emotionally. All the while she maintained it was never an issue for her and at times, sex really felt better.

Well, in May of this year my life changed forever. I found out my wife had had a brief affair that began as an emotional affair then evolved into a sexual affair. The other guy was her age and she had known him for 32 years as a friend growing up. She met up in Orlando last fall with a few of her high school and college girlfriends to go to a Halloween night at Universal Studios for a long weekend with my blessings. Our two sons, 9 and 10 stayed hime with me while she went away for a girls weekend. Well, she had arranged for him to meet them there and this is when they had sex.

She had concealed this from me for 6 months before I found out. During this time she had entered into counseling for herself for what I took as depression, but little did I know the real reason she was in counseling. She was remorseful and working on getting her head on straight while I was clueless. Once I found out what was going on, she already had a 6 month head start on me dealing with the emotional impact of her actions. I have to say for the first 3-4 months I was suicidal and homicidal toward the guy who I had never met nor knew where he lived. Over 2-3 months after discovery, she dribbled out additional information about him and the affair that she initially denied. Had I known everything from day one, there is no doubt in my mind I would be divorced by now. As it is, she is very contrite and is very regretful of her decisions. It seems the Peyronies did have a sexual and emotional impact on her that she never admitted to me or herself. We have been through several individual and marital counselors since discovery. I don't know how things will turn out for us. Inspire of what we have suffered through, there is so much we have in common and do love each other, but I have to admit it is a different kind of love for me now. Trust is all but gone for me. This is someone I trusted more than anyone in life and could tell anything to. Now that metric has changed and I no longer have those feelings for her. we still live together and share the same bed and try to stay sexually active.

My doc had me on 4 meds during my crisis, now I'm off all the meds and doing okay. I had waves of anxiety and depression multiple times daily during the first 4 months. My mind still pictures them having sex on a daily basis and I can't seem to shut that down. I once felt I was a passenger on a bus that she was driving and I had no idea where she was taking me or when she was going to push me out. NOW I'm driving that bus and my head is in a good place. I started Xiaflex injection for the Peyronies, more for myself than for her. Unfortunately those did not work and Ive decided to get an inflatable implant in 2 months, again for me not for her. I never had ED before May but you can bet your last dollar my head has messed with my erection since then.

I don't know what your situation is but please get with a urologist and get on meds or get an implant for yourself. I have talked with so many guys who have had implants and the overwhelming comments from them center around their regret for waiting so long to get it done. I hope this helps you see you are not alone. I also hope you never go through what I have went through with your wife. If you have, life can get better. See a counselor as embarrassing as it seems. I was more embarrassed about talking with female counselors about being cheated on that I was about talking with with them about ED and Peyronies. HANG IN THERE! DONT GIVE UP!

Thank you for the encouragement. Things can always be worse can't they? I am sorry to hear your story. I guess some women have a difficult time dealing with it. Either "it" or "us" because of our depression and withdrawal. I often wonder if this why so many guys I knew at work killed themselves. Or if that's why many men might feel like killing themselves. It is such a helpless, lost feeling.

But, I do have some good news to report. I had started yoga about a month ago. Attempting some stress reduction, relaxation and low back stretching. It has been great to say the least. But the other day, my lady instructor read the Law of Least Effort. You can find it here http://www.chopra.com/the-law-of-least-effort. Anyway, it has to do with acceptance of all things, no matter what they are. That this moment is as it should be. Do not struggle against the entire universe. I accept things as they are, not as I wish they would be. Wow! I gave my instructor a big hug after class and told her she just taught me something I really needed to hear. I took it home and read it to my wife and she started crying (she is dealing with severe painful back issues and feeling resentment and anger about it). Needless to say, our lives have changed around for the better and now we are looking at each day with gratitude for everything and acceptance of things the way they are.

We even started fooling around without actual penetrating sex. We have never really masturbated in front of each other so we did that and now we are having one hell of a good time!

Thank you all on this forum for your support, kind words and understanding. We have all been down quite a rough road. But luckily we don't have to travel it alone. May you all be blessed this holiday season and many good wishes to each and every one of you and your families.