I am Looking for advice !

[clydechase32]

I am in depression due to my relationship and my job career recently I have done a breakup with my gf becuase she did a big mistake and I am not able to forget and now I am single but not able to stay single can I go back to my gf and accept her? or shall I move on ahead in my life?

[Frank Talk Admin]

Clyde
As a therapist, I have to say that this is a perfect time to talk to a therapist! These big life changes/crises can feel overwhelming. Please find a good therapist to help you sort things out. Now is not the time to make any big decisions. I would not go after the girlfriend at this point because your motivation for going after her may not be the best in the long term. You may also need some medical help to stop the mental wheels from spinning. Call a therapist and/or your family doctor. Take care of yourself - you're the only one who can!
Paul

[bldoink]

message deleted.

[Lost Sheep]

I feel for you. You have my sympathies.

You did not say how old you are. Experiences of a long life help one to have perspective on temporary setbacks. (Make no mistake, your events are temporary setbacks - bumps in the road - or potholes - but remember, TEMPORARY.) Your events are survivable and when you come out on the other side, you will be the stronger and the wiser for having gone through it.

Paul's advice to seek counselling is wise. You can receive advice and perspective here, but we are (with a few exceptions) laypersons. Professional counselors have a depth of knowledge most of us do not have. They can draw on education and experience to advise you. Also, the feedback of a face-to-face conversation with an adviser is invaluable. Advisers do not have to be licensed psychologists or anything. Clergy are accustomed to helping people in crisis. An understanding relative or good friend can help almost as well if they have perspective and life experience.

The advice, "A burden shared is half as heavy." is something to keep in mind if you consider going through your dual personal crises alone. Share your burden. Sharing here is a poor second to sharing with a trusted counselor, but available if you feel the need.

Do not try to carry this alone. Even self-help books are better than that.

[clydechase32]

I feel for you. You have my sympathies.

You did not say how old you are. Experiences of a long life help one to have perspective on temporary setbacks. (Make no mistake, your events are temporary setbacks - bumps in the road - or potholes - but remember, TEMPORARY.) Your events are survivable and when you come out on the other side, you will be the stronger and the wiser for having gone through it.

Paul's advice to seek counselling is wise. You can receive advice and perspective here, but we are (with a few exceptions) laypersons. Professional counselors have a depth of knowledge most of us do not have. They can draw on education and experience to advise you. Also, the feedback of a face-to-face conversation with an adviser is invaluable. Advisers do not have to be licensed psychologists or anything. Clergy are accustomed to helping people in crisis. An understanding relative or good friend can help almost as well if they have perspective and life experience.

The advice, "A burden shared is half as heavy." is something to keep in mind if you consider going through your dual personal crises alone. Share your burden. Sharing here is a poor second to sharing with a trusted counselor, but available if you feel the need.

Do not try to carry this alone. Even self-help books are better than that.

I am 29. I never felt before as this if I go to counsellor or therapist then I feel I am more in a depression I share and ask here because I don't want to go for the therapist because they will drive me into a deep problem. so please all of my friends give me some suggestions here only

[Lost Sheep]

I am 29. I never felt before as this if I go to counsellor or therapist then I feel I am more in a depression I share and ask here because I don't want to go for the therapist because they will drive me into a deep problem. so please all of my friends give me some suggestions here only

The "trusted counselor" I suggested does not have to be a licensed therapist or even any kind of professional. Just someone you trust who knows you or can get to know you. An Uncle or level-headed friend who will be discreet with your personal information. I had an Aunt I would have trusted, but she had her own problems to deal with.

We are here for you, though. The purpose of the forum is to help. The focus is E.D., but no sort of help is off limits.

I can tell you from personal experience that identifying a problem's parameters goes a long way towards taking the "edge" off of it. Developing a strategy for dealing with a problem dispels the cloud of depression surrounding it like magic. As I said before, another person's perspective can often supply solutions and strategies a person at the center of the issue does not see and may not be able to conceive of without that outside perspective.

I do not know your job experience or what sort of work you want for the futre, but at 29, your resume (curriculum vitae) might need updating, could give you a lift in spirits and will be a help in your search for a new job. The activity of writing it will occupy your mind and get it off your problems as well.

Take in a hilarious movie.

Go to a dog park and watch the playing.

If there is a place where you can do this, go to a pond and feed some ducks.

Take a girlfriend on a picnic. Not a romantic friend, but just a female friend with no sexual interest. A couple of hours without that pressure is liberating and demonstrates that sex is not necessary for a fun relationship.

[Tmansdorfer]

I agree with what everyone is saying. I was in the same boat as you having a wife cheat and leave me due to my Ed issues. We had a marriage therapist that was talking to me and her and once she left I continued talking with the therapist. This has helped me immensely the past year get. Also don’t be shy to ask for medication, for me it has helped get out of the depression and suicidal thoughts that were consuming my every thought. If you need to talk feel free to message me directly.

[Lost Sheep]

I am 29. I never felt before as this if I go to counsellor or therapist then I feel I am more in a depression I share and ask here because I don't want to go for the therapist because they will drive me into a deep problem. so please all of my friends give me some suggestions here only

The "trusted counselor" I suggested does not have to be a licensed therapist or even any kind of professional. Just someone you trust

I forgot to add that a dog is a good listener. And will never violate a confidence.

This advice might seem irrelevantly light-hearted. It may be a little tongue-in-cheek but it is also VERY TRUE that simply talking out one's concerns to anyone who pays attention (even if you know intellectually that they do not understand you).

The benefits of giving voice to your concerns, even into the void is undeniable.