Hitting a wall.

[westerntown]

Its been about 2 years of me seeing urologists for my issues. Each one just kind of shrugs their shoulders or says "youll get better" or some combination of the two.

Ive tried different treatments, but the reality is that there just isnt simply anything for hourglassing+ed

At 21, having this since 19, you can only imagine the wall ive hit these last two years. But i persevered. I started hitting the gym, and I even graduated college early and got a job in finance. My engine has always been full steam. But lately Ive hit a wall. I dont slepe at night. I dont get pleasure from going out with friends. Life just feels extremely pointless... because I feel like I have it all, except for the one thing I want most: a normal penis.

I miss everything about my life pre-19. I always wanted to grow up and face the real world, but Im realizing this is it. This is my life. Those feelings of love and intimacy, running around the room with my girl like were two bunnies, those feelings are so buried right now that I wouldnt even recognize the pre-19 me if he stared me in the face.

I somehow at 21, feel as if I have felt everything I am ever going to feel. It kills me to wrap my head around this. To accept. I am the biggest realist you will ever meet. I just want to say at face value that I dont value my life and have that be understood by friends and family. They always find a way to convince you otherwise- thats what makes them "friends and family." But lately, I dont care about their opinion. I just want what I want. And right now, at this wall, I am thinking I just dont want to exist and fight these problems every morning i wake up and every night I sleep. I dont want to look down at my penis and see a pathetic hourglass that is all turtled into my pubic bone. I dont want to have to play stupid when my friends talk about girls- the reality is that I slept with more women than all of them combined and thats giving them credit for up till now and giving myself credit for just pre-19. My manhood is diminished. No, I dont base my confidence in myself on my cock innately. But it hurts.

It not healthy for a 21 year old healthy and attractive looking male making money to have to deal with this. Its just not. Lashing out at family has become an unhealthy outlet, but the truth is im tired of them saying shit like "youll get better. here eat this turmeric and ginger." Gosh, like what the fuck man? Is this where I pictured myself ten years ago, five years ago? Depressed, impotent, a huge loser. And i get it, "go out and grab the life you want, no ones gonna give it to you." But how am I supposed to "grab" it when it doesnt exist. This isnt a PR in the gym where you keep lifting, and you keep eating, and you keep coming back and all of a sudden you earned your reward. No. Not at all. This a fucking slow spiral that can be stopped by nothing short of a fucking Moses-splitting-water-like miracle. I am frustrated. You can probably tell from the way I throw "fuck" around so liberally like urologists throw their cialis scripts.

Angry. Sad. Then angry. Everytime. I start out sad as fuck ready to cry in a ball, I start thinking out loud, and get angry enough to fight a small bear, and then rinse repeat. Ill go ignore things for days, even weeks, but be back at it eventually. Cause its not a cycle, its some weird cruvy, windy, loppy, track... but it always connects back to the end. And in that sense it is a cycle. And I know, its not healthy and its not productive or constructive and its never gonna get me anywhere. But again, where can I go?

Disclaimer: I may get comments saying I sound "defeatist." I think Im just tired man. I think its justified. I am not your traditional defeatist. I try to think of all avenues, and routes, and explore possibilities before I start splurging with my bullshit. But I did exhaust all those avenues and routes and possibilites for the last two years and Im really fed up with the results.

Currently lying down and my penis is retracted into my stomach, got a sharp pain in my right buttock near the outside glutes. Have not had a single sexual moment of intrigue in the last 6 months. Im a dog in misery. Put me down now, why dont you?.

[TwoStep]

I hope you feel better. I unexpectedly had several happy and productive years between getting ED at age 20 and now. I didn’t visit Franktalk during those years (causality goes both ways here).

I thought you were optimistic about the implant though? I’ve seen your worry about hard flaccid and hourglass shape being an issue for the implant, but I don’t think any of the posters with HF symptoms who went on to get implanted have had issues related to that?

[Reggieman]

Respectfully-sounds like burn-out and some depression. Working too hard for too long will have an effect on your brain so you end up in a downward spiral. I know from experience. I suggest a long vacation that gets you away from your everyday life. Relaxation will allow your body and brain to rebalance. Over work and job/personal worries for too long dragged me into "clinical depression." My health failed, my dick failed and all I could see was black. People gave me the same advice I'm giving but I ignored it till I crashed one day. It took me three years to crawl out of that black hole. You can't get life into perspective until you're no longer exhausted.

I'm not minimizing your situation, but it sounds like you are handicapped in your efforts to find the answers you seek.

[Spontaneous1]

What injury will you "get better" from? Do you get horny, is your libido intact?
What's with the pain in the buttock, any other pains? What's causing the hourglassing? Have you tried, are you capable of, using a VED?

I ask about using the VED because it will get fresh oxygen into your member, and help you to regain some length/girth. I don't know enough about the hourglassing, or what caused it, but I've read where VED's have helped with PD, so it might be worth a try.

One more thing, YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!

[westerntown]

Respectfully-sounds like burn-out and some depression. Working too hard for too long will have an effect on your brain so you end up in a downward spiral. I know from experience. I suggest a long vacation that gets you away from your everyday life. Relaxation will allow your body and brain to rebalance. Over work and job/personal worries for too long dragged me into "clinical depression." My health failed, my dick failed and all I could see was black. People gave me the same advice I'm giving but I ignored it till I crashed one day. It took me three years to crawl out of that black hole. You can't get life into perspective until you're no longer exhausted.

I'm not minimizing your situation, but it sounds like you are handicapped in your efforts to find the answers you seek.

Id just come back to the same boat eventually

[westerntown]

I get it completely. I mentioned earlier that I think we have a lot in common. Unfortunately we don't always have the answers and I am finding more and more our "doctors" don't always have the answers. Look at the healthcare system overall and you begin to understand how things go. That being said I guess we have to be patient and wait.

You shouldn't really have to make comparisons about how many girls you have had in your bed. I don't think number of women is really very important. You said you are 21, attractive and making money so you already have more than many people do. Another thing you might want to read about or look into is how environmental factors are likely affecting your health and mind. Our air, water and food supply is constantly filled with toxins and hormone disruptive chemicals. It's something I'd like to see people talk more about. If you'd like to chat or compare notes, sent me a message.

out of everything i said, the small line where I sound pretentious is the one you decided to absorb? what about the part where i mentioned "I have felt everything I am ever going to feel." these toxins and chemicals you speak... obese men breathe them in on a daily basis and still can get great erections and have sex. I know because i have family members that relate. This is not deduced down to our "Air" or "water" man. Im sorry to say

[westerntown]

I hope you feel better. I unexpectedly had several happy and productive years between getting ED at age 20 and now. I didn’t visit Franktalk during those years (causality goes both ways here).

I thought you were optimistic about the implant though? I’ve seen your worry about hard flaccid and hourglass shape being an issue for the implant, but I don’t think any of the posters with HF symptoms who went on to get implanted have had issues related to that?

I have too many reasons to be apprehensive about the implant than to be optimistic of it. spend a day reading the lowlights and not the highlights.

[westerntown]

What injury will you "get better" from? Do you get horny, is your libido intact?
What's with the pain in the buttock, any other pains? What's causing the hourglassing? Have you tried, are you capable of, using a VED?

I ask about using the VED because it will get fresh oxygen into your member, and help you to regain some length/girth. I don't know enough about the hourglassing, or what caused it, but I've read where VED's have helped with PD, so it might be worth a try.

One more thing, YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!

thanks man, im not a loser, i just call myself one in catharsis.

I injured my penis masturbating two years ago, i had masturbated many times that day and my oenis turned into an hourglass after the last session and i felt a sting. i dont get horny anymore, despite lifting weights and eating right everyday. my hormones r fine.

i dont know the answer to your next to questions. one doctor said i corporal fibrosis and that he cant help. i use a red every other day and it just gives me a boner but im otherwise fucked. and the boner is like spongey and doesnt really feel of penetrative quality. i cum soft, my cum is water, the boner goes away immediately after taking it out the cylinder. life sucks

[Spontaneous1]

Hey my friend, I'm glad you're lifting and eating well, that helps a lot with depression. I understand what you're saying about your injury so when you masturbate now I would go easy. Do not squeeze your penis, and always use lube, no dry masturbation. Have you tried using a constriction ring with the VED, that will allow you to hold the blood in your penis while you have PIV sex, or even masturbation, just don't leave it on longer than 25 minutes. Thay say 30 minutes, but why push it.

[westerntown]

1. I do not have psychogenic ed. I have scarring in the penis, corporal fibrosis to be specific.

2.the hourglass shape fills out if i get erect, but the erection is wobbly and soft and feels like a glove filled with water.

3. i only take l citruline right now, and in the last 4 months.