FrankTalk.org

In the 1960s and '70s, Masters and Johnson experimented with hiring experienced women to socialize with men with psychological ED, have lunch with them in a restaurant perhaps, and eventually go to bed with them and get them comfortable with sex. This turned out well and now surrogates can be found in moderate-size cities. I'm told by my local university school of social work that surrogates are legal in all fifty states. Now that we have Viagra, this should work even better than it did fifty years ago.

So how do you find a surrogate? Psychologists who deal with sex problems can refer you. How do you find a psychologist? Ask Mr. Google (or DuckDuckGo for better privacy), ask your urologist or GP; all hospitals have social workers who can refer you.

Masters and Johnson found that the surrogate's physical type should match the guy's mental picture of his ideal woman, as much as is practical. (Not all surrogates can be tens, of course, so don't get unrealistic! Just mention your preferred body type.)

The bad news is that it can be expensive, since you have to pay two hourly rates. www.healthline.com mentions $3000-5000 for 12-15 sessions in their article on surrogates; the psychologist's fee is extra.

Now that the virus is fading a little, maybe this is becoming feasible, for those who can afford it, after getting the omicron vaccine this fall.

I've not hired a surrogate, but maybe some guys who have will comment.

The first thing that stops me is they hired "experienced" females. Does that mean the surrogates are ladies of the night? Then I wonder how many males one lady deals with at a time. A date only takes a few hours so she could have several males going at the same time. No Thanks.

Yes, sexual surrogacy is an actual therapeutic practice. I don't know how widely accepted it is in the professional canon, but it is recognized.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-sexual-surrogacy

Of course, the "amateur professional sexual surrogate" (known by many euphemisms) is less expensive than what was described here but a true professional therapist, licensed, trained, cognizant of the many issues involved in sexual problems (and not just only ED, but the wide range of issues a person might have) could be of benefit. DEFINITELY NOT focused on sexual gratification of the client, but rather, on exploring the client's needs, whether physical skills, social skills, comfort around intimacy, etc. A sexual surrogate is more of a counselor than a sex partner, by far.

Of course, the traditional way for a boy to be intiated into sexuality used to be when his Father would take him down to the local "House" and get his pubescent son a kindly madam who would introduce the boy to the wonders of sex. (Possibly with one of the "ladies of the evening" with whom the Father is familiar.) Call it a rite of passage. But not traditional in Puritan societies. And not much talked about in public.

I can grasp the need of a sexual counselor for some issues but being that intimate with a person is bound to lead to sex. The bad part is once the therapy ends there is no more contact allowed, which could be emotionally devastating and start the issues all over.

Old Guy wrote:I can grasp the need of a sexual counselor for some issues but being that intimate with a person is bound to lead to sex. The bad part is once the therapy ends there is no more contact allowed, which could be emotionally devastating and start the issues all over.

That is probably why there are always two therapists involved. One solely counsels and the other provides counsel and (when required by the therapy and agreed between both therapists or all three people) intimacy.

The therapy is (supposed to be) tightly managed and the termination of the counselling as well-managed as the rest of it. Of course, mis-management or mistakes in judgement are always possible. As you (Old Guy) point out an emotionally vulnerable person might be especially subject to the aftereffects of separating from someone with whom one has been intimate. And this applies not only to the surrogate, but to any psychiatrist or counsellor, even one who only engaged in talk therapy.

Lost Sheep wrote:As you (Old Guy) point out an emotionally vulnerable person might be especially subject to the aftereffects of separating from someone with whom one has been intimate. And this applies not only to the surrogate, but to any psychiatrist or counsellor, even one who only engaged in talk therapy.

As humans sometimes any emotional bond can make for a tough separation. As a former medical professional who worked very close with my patients, some of them had a tough time letting go when therapy ended. Just human nature to attach to a person who shows care for you.

Old Guy wrote:

Lost Sheep wrote:As you (Old Guy) point out an emotionally vulnerable person might be especially subject to the aftereffects of separating from someone with whom one has been intimate. And this applies not only to the surrogate, but to any psychiatrist or counsellor, even one who only engaged in talk therapy.

As humans sometimes any emotional bond can make for a tough separation. As a former medical professional who worked very close with my patients, some of them had a tough time letting go when therapy ended. Just human nature to attach to a person who shows care for you. And I have to add there was one or two I had a tough time ending therapy with.

In Spain prostitution in not against the law, you can have a very hot young woman for $60.

It’s said, if it flys, fucks or floats rent it, don’t buy it.

What about the idea of a sex coach?

I've seen videos where couples engage in the sex act and a couch helps them through issues making for better sex.

I've also recently saw web sites offering sex coaching.
Here's one you may have seen on Youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT4rGe ... HsTNsLklTw

I've never used any such services.

About 10 years ago I saw a couple sex therapist for one on one talk therapy. I found them ok, but limiting. But mostly validating feelings. Which did not directly help my partner.

I feel that if my partner would been more involved it would have been much better. She did attend a couple individual sessions, where I went to a dozen or so sessions.
The one therapist said, she needed to talk with my wife. I'm not really sure what was said, other than possibly she expressed her frustrations, Which I also did in my sessions. Problem is it never got to any real solutions. So you spend $150 or more to make you feel better about yourself?

Individual therapy is fine but often it ends up validating your feelings rather than teaching you you how to make practical change/solutions that results in better sex.