jamesedwards wrote:I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this depression stage. I bet some folks on here has or is dealing with even deeper depression issues than me. I'm curious how are you guys making it day by day?
That's pretty much it. Day by day.
"I try to take things one day at a time, but sometimes they gang up on me."
Thoreau (I think) advised, "Simplify, simplify."
jamesedwards wrote:But right now I've about given up on finding someone only because I'm scared of the same routine repeating itself. Meet someone, fail, then lose someone. It's been a repeating factor.
It is said, that the definition of "insanity" is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Your routine may need to be changed in order to break that repetitive (and self-reinforcing) outcome.
I find women to be incredibly understanding and supportive if they feel trusted.
What I am advising is that the progression of intimacy you have been following (I am guessing) takes a path from introduction toward physical intimacy. I suggest that changing that path to put emotional intimacy (and truth-telling) in the path BEFORE physical intimacy. I believe you will be pleasantly surprised. I know it is scary to put effort into a relationship and than take the chance of telling her the (painful) truth about E.D.. Risk. Scary.
I went on a dating site and
led with the fact that I was not capable of coitus. But that I was intent on fixing that infirmity. I was asking for a woman to accompany me on that journey - sort of a "lab partner". A woman willing to experiment with sex (various forms) before my implant operation and after. I got a LOT of supportive messages and a few volunteers. I settled on one finally and undertook my journey. As I said, women are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted and secure. Take the risk, even anonymously on a dating site (I used Plenty of Fish, which was pretty "clean" at the time).
jamesedwards wrote:But as of now, I'm just trying to deal with my depression. So being at work a lot helps and visiting this forum also helps a lot. But often times I think about all the missed opportunities of a potential partner I've missed out on due to my ED. That's what's the toughest to clear from my mind.
While it is said that, in relationships, "if the sex is good, it is 10% of the relationship, if sex is bad it is 90% of the relationship", I contend that trust (which includes being candid) underlies
100% of the relationship.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Take one chance.
Good luck.
p.s. Coitus is not the only form of sex that can satisfy (and attract) a woman. Don't eschew oral, manual or toys for your lady. I traded emails with one woman (from Craigslist before they shut off that venue) who was actively seeking an impotent man on the theory that he would be more expert at cunnilingus. (She turned out to be a bit of a jerk, but that was aside from her initial interest.) My point here is that good, satisfying sex is important to women than how (by coitus or by other means) that satisfaction is achieved. AND that emotional connection is essential to keeping a woman long-term.
