What To Do? You Like Erotic Sex and Your Wife is Plain Vanilla

[RobertL]

Hello Cigar56,
Sometimes when there’s a large libido mismatch, the less-interested partner might be willing to consider opening up the marriage in some defined way —allowing the more-interested partner to have sex outside the marriage by mutual agreement, maybe within agreed limits, without deception or cheating. It can be a difficult topic to raise, but might be worth considering. Sometimes the less-interested partner loves the spouse enough, and is flexible enough, to tolerate or even to value the spouse’s happiness along these lines.
RobertL

[Cigar56]

Thanks RobertL,

Actually, what you descibe is pretty much where we are, although we don't discuss. I think she is fine with me engaging in ocassional services from discreet "paid professionals," but she draws the line at getting involved emotionally. Not a bad tradeoff.

[backup2014]

Speaking of Kinky sex verses Perverted sex. I explained that to my wife the other day, when she called me a pervert. She stated the only reason I wasn't perverted was that I couldn't run fast enough to catch the chicken. Couldn't argue with that.

[David_R]

[TheNordic]

My wife and I are "swingers" and we enjoy a good variety of sexual partners - together and individually. It's truly, the best of all worlds and I could not ask for more. Her sex drive has waned somewhat in the last couple of years with menopause, but with good communication, we have become closer and good with each others sexual proclivities.

It might be a make or break situation, but you need to discuss such matters being direct with your wife - but you never know unless you try. There are way too many unhappy men in a sexless or uninspired sexual relationship and women too, with their sexless men who would love to cure what ails you. Most are otherwise, happy with their current mate and just needing that FWB outlet ...

My only mistake was NOT having these conversations with previous relationships earlier in life. But better late than never !!

[Donnie1954]

If there was a word plainer than Vanilla, it would fit my wife. While she enjoys sex, fucking and oral on her. Her skills on me are pathetic. If she would even try to please me or tell me how great what I am doing to her feels, I would want sex more often. Instead it gets boring and a duty. I need sex to be erotic and exciting. Hell, even, that feels so good would be nice to hear.
donnie1954@mail.com

[Reggieman]

Donnie1954-You're singing my song Donnie. Same experience.

[TheNordic]

Gentlemen: This leaves you only 3 choices. Pick one.

1. Do nothing and be unsatisfied or miserable.

2. Cheat and do things behind her back and hope you don't get caught.

3. Be upfront and honest. A few women may join you. A few may allow you to do things on your own. Others, unfortunately, learning of this revelation could prove to be a deal or marriage / relationship breaker.

[newtoed]

Knowing what I know today I would have done the third option when I was married. But a bad sexual relationship ritually castrates the man so we don’t kave the balls to get what we want and afraid to sacrifice our marriage.

If communication didn’t work I would cheat, but keep the family together. Unfortunately at that time I didn’t have the knowledge and the courage to cheat.

My second wife was 22 when I met her and was terrific at sex for about 4 years. During my cancer treatment she couldn’t handle the collateral damage and left me emotionally. She didn’t respond to me sexually even though she did her duty. That wasn’t good enough for me and after 10 months of trying I left her and divorced her. By then I knew I can get other women and I dated like crazy.

Now I date the best woman in my life. She is half my age and amazing at sex and everything else. She is smart, cooks, cleans, sucks and swallows. But if she fails to keep doing these I’ll leave her in a heartbeat.

I don’t have too many years left to waste on vanilla life. I want to get anything I want and that’s it!
All the best!

[Cigar56]

Gentlemen: This leaves you only 3 choices. Pick one.

1. Do nothing and be unsatisfied or miserable.

2. Cheat and do things behind her back and hope you don't get caught.

3. Be upfront and honest. A few women may join you. A few may allow you to do things on your own. Others, unfortunately, learning of this revelation could prove to be a deal or marriage / relationship breaker.

I've chosen No. 3 (sort of). I am sure she knows I am getting some here and there, but we never discuss it. I travel a fair amount, including internationally, so that's my outlet. I should change this headline to say my wife "was" vanilla. Her interest in sex has declined to the point where we have had sex only twice in the last two years. Everything else is great, but my sex drive is still very high, so I do what I have to do.