Lostsheep and bldoink.
That was well said by both of you.
Vanilla wife.
Re: Vanilla wife.
PC 2006, AMS 700 LGX implanted 18+3, 2012, Dr. Paolone in Madison, WI- Married 47 yrs.
Re: Vanilla wife.
Lost Sheep wrote:
Maybe I should make this a PM, but since my earlier post was public, ........
Thank you for your comments.
R.R.P 2011 Mayo Jacksonville, Dr. M. Wehle. Not nerve sparing. C in margins. Radiation 2023, V.E.D, Viagra and PGE-1 (80mcg/ml) injections @ 8 - 14 units. Originally Edex20, then compounded PGE due to cost. Inject. 12 yrs. It works. Treasure coast of FL.
Re: Vanilla wife.
I'm not going to lie, this thread was one of the reasons I had to register on this forum and not on another one, not to mention that English isn't my native language. You don't see that kind of restraint and maturity everywhere in our world, ESPECIALLY on the Internet...
Re: Vanilla wife.
QuestionGuy wrote:I do get paid to go to work FreddyFree. I don't always want to - but I know life with a job is better than poverty. I can call in sick occasionally and when there are extenuating circumstances, my employer would certainly be flexible, however, if I blatancy decided I didn't want to work any more - it would be laughable for me to expect to stay employed. I am obviously making a comparison to a middle aged women, who has a good husband, and thinks it is within her prerogative to simply opt out of sex, and expect to remain married. Making a long term commitment to someone does not give them "carte blanche" to ignore their partners needs. Do you guys really not get what I am saying? or are you just being factitious? its hard to tell in a thread like this. Its fine if you fellows disagree with me. To each his own, but I cant imagine going thru life trying to figure out how to jump through all these hoops to try to get my partner to "throw me a few crumbs" and possible grant me some sexual activity if (and only if) all the stars line up.
I agree my wife opted out but guys are smart and find a way and in the right place arrangements can be made with my needs meet we no longer fight
edex and tri mix 45/1/27 26 units
Re: Vanilla wife.
Strelets wrote:I'm not going to lie, this thread was one of the reasons I had to register on this forum and not on another one, not to mention that English isn't my native language. You don't see that kind of restraint and maturity everywhere in our world, ESPECIALLY on the Internet...
Most members are generally well intentioned, well mannered and polite. Welcome to the forum.
R.R.P 2011 Mayo Jacksonville, Dr. M. Wehle. Not nerve sparing. C in margins. Radiation 2023, V.E.D, Viagra and PGE-1 (80mcg/ml) injections @ 8 - 14 units. Originally Edex20, then compounded PGE due to cost. Inject. 12 yrs. It works. Treasure coast of FL.
Re: Vanilla wife.
I thought I was going to use this discussion board just to gather the information and opinions helpful to subjects of injections and implants, but I'm seeing that there's a whole lot more here and a community of people motivated to have good discussions and share experiences on a wide range of topics. Ran across this Vanilla Wife thread and it both resonated and also really caused me to stop and count my current blessings based on the comments of guys here who shared how really vanilla vanilla can in fact get.
I was married at 27 and divorced after three children at age 49. Remarried earlier this year after dating for about 5 years. From a point of view of sexuality in these two relationships, they really could not be more different. Like - shockingly different. To the point where it really spurs some introspection and thinking about how I originally ended up with someone in my first marriage with whom I was from the start really not a sexual match with. I think in a way I was originally married to the person I was somehow supposed to be married to (I'm talking about the central product of our marriage, these three amazing kids, not our married/partnered relationship specifically). My libido is off the charts and has been for my entire life. I love sex and everything it delivers and implies. My first wife did not share my energy nor my creativity around sex. Not even close. To the point where it really seriously can make me think now and again, "how the hell did that actually happen? to marry someone so fundamentally mis-aligned with me on something so important to me?". Hell if I know the answer to that.
There's for sure something to be said about the relative immaturity in my 20's to just show the resolve to not accept some things so out of line with my own vibe. We were great friends and we knew how to run a household and we had different child rearing ideas but they were somehow oddly complimentary. But for as highly sexual as I've always been, it's a complete fucking mystery to me how that went. I mean - she did not wane in her desire. It's not that things changed over the years of our relationship. In terms of sexuality, the woman I divorced was absolutely the same woman I willingly married 22 years prior. WTF? I cannot blame her. Not at all. I....at some deep level...knew. I always knew our divergent views on sex. And yet I married her. If not for the woman I met whom I'm now remarried to, I'd probably be on the therapist's couch trying to unravel the above mystery.
So my first wife would have sex only...only...with my initiating. Missionary mostly infrequently suited her just fine. Oral? Rare. She did not mind occasionally receiving. Fantasies, role play, toys, other people, etc? She just was not into it. I tried to introduce things. God knows I tried to introduce things and to break open some kind of change, some kind of evolution of sex. To no avail. So I believe we just got things kind of wrong during dating/courtship/early years of our marriage. We were too immature to communicate our thoughts and needs clearly and with conviction. Then you're trying to get ahead in your job, you're establishing a home, then kids...and a whole world of other things materialize and become further challenges to sex. To creativity. To exploration. Now we're parents. Defining ourselves as parents. And...I don't know...I'm struggling to say it all as concisely as I see and feel it in my mind, but honestly it just seems like it is SO fucking insidiously easy to unintentionally establish a culture and a pattern in a marriage where intimacy and sex get…de-prioritized. It slips, you can feel it…you make excuses, you equivocate, you don't know how or what to say, you’re confused, resentful, angry, sad…and then at some point you're kind of like...where the hell did the last ten years go?
At the same time – there’s the (I think) critical issue of the raw material you come into the relationship with. My ex and I had very different raw materials we were working with…the inherent stuff we were built from in puberty (however that even works).
So now I am remarried to a girl who is more than my equal sexually. I'm 54, she's 52. And she came from a first marriage herself which crazily mirrored my own first marriage. Extremely similar. Together? We are like a match vs gasoline, and it has not let up. She is extremely sexual. Dirty as hell. Willing to do things I seriously never remotely believed I would have the opportunities to experience in my sex life and she does what she does and we do what we do entirely without using any kind of IOU’s or…I don’t know…relationship currency?…to get what we want. We just run an idea out there and at some point we try it. Total freedom. If I want to try something? It’s literally definitely a go at some point (some things need a good amount of discussion, ground rules, etc). She’s on board. But - her green-lighting my ideas is not dependent nor predicated on her getting something she wants in return. And vice versa. She does things with me and for me for their own sake; not as a quid pro quo. She might ultimately find that she likes that thing a lot, or likes it so-so, or sometimes not so much. But she’ll communicate all that openly. And then everything spurs even more fantasizing and more discussion and more “what the hell, let’s try that” moments. It all becomes its own self-sustaining fuel.
It's pretty interesting how she lost her virginity to her first husband, had an exciting/early courtship and early marriage with him, but then within a few years she was on the same track as I was with my ex - vanilla, sex not-that-important, etc. So how does that happen that this girl I re-marry had precisely one sexual partner over her preceding life, and now I'm the blessed beneficiary of a truly energetic, creative, open minded sexual animal? How does that go? There’s the good fortune and serendipity of just finding that person, that…match. But for sure there’s more.
She and I definitely talk about this from time to time and what we've realized is:
- We were always both very hardwired to be highly sexual back to our teens. Hardwired. Not learned. And (arguably?) cannot be taught or acquired at a deep level, in our opinion anyway. Not saying sex lives cannot improve with focus, motivation, effort...of course they can…just saying that we believe we were both extremely sexual to begin with and that there's maybe a definite finite limit to what a hardwired vanilla person at heart can do to change themselves up sexually.
- There is a crazy, utterly unique freedom which follows a relationship where the sex was previously unsatisfying. And where we're a number of years older. The "what the hell do I have to lose" by...asking, attempting, trying, discussing, etc...it’s like some invisible fence was suddenly removed. Suddenly anything seems possible (because we’ve proactively decided that exploration has massive value).
- Communication...no such thing as an irrelevant intimate, sexual topic or discussion. Listen openly, don't react too much out of hand, and just take on a posture of "what the hell, i'll try anything once, I trust you". There are places of vulnerability in us both where…if the other person pushes a boundary…it’s ok and good to feel unfamiliar, unsure, even uncomfortable to some extent…because ultimately we trust the other person down to the bones. Deep. I don’t know…that embrace of our vulnerabilities…when rewarded with communication and trust…has seriously blown the doors wide open for us.
Also? Maybe falling in love in your 40’s is just different. You look at the trajectory of your life and age so differently. We have this pointed, very razor sharp awareness that we need to seize the moment and have experiences - and that urgency (for us, at least) is so vivid…it’s always with us and drives us forward to exciting, varied debauchery and sex (and other things and experiences beyond sex, too). I'm extremely aware and conscious of the blessing in front of me...even more so as I hear about guys who are working through situations which they really wish so much they could change and improve.
Just some thoughts. For whatever they may be worth. And thanks for this great place to have these kind of conversations!
I was married at 27 and divorced after three children at age 49. Remarried earlier this year after dating for about 5 years. From a point of view of sexuality in these two relationships, they really could not be more different. Like - shockingly different. To the point where it really spurs some introspection and thinking about how I originally ended up with someone in my first marriage with whom I was from the start really not a sexual match with. I think in a way I was originally married to the person I was somehow supposed to be married to (I'm talking about the central product of our marriage, these three amazing kids, not our married/partnered relationship specifically). My libido is off the charts and has been for my entire life. I love sex and everything it delivers and implies. My first wife did not share my energy nor my creativity around sex. Not even close. To the point where it really seriously can make me think now and again, "how the hell did that actually happen? to marry someone so fundamentally mis-aligned with me on something so important to me?". Hell if I know the answer to that.
There's for sure something to be said about the relative immaturity in my 20's to just show the resolve to not accept some things so out of line with my own vibe. We were great friends and we knew how to run a household and we had different child rearing ideas but they were somehow oddly complimentary. But for as highly sexual as I've always been, it's a complete fucking mystery to me how that went. I mean - she did not wane in her desire. It's not that things changed over the years of our relationship. In terms of sexuality, the woman I divorced was absolutely the same woman I willingly married 22 years prior. WTF? I cannot blame her. Not at all. I....at some deep level...knew. I always knew our divergent views on sex. And yet I married her. If not for the woman I met whom I'm now remarried to, I'd probably be on the therapist's couch trying to unravel the above mystery.
So my first wife would have sex only...only...with my initiating. Missionary mostly infrequently suited her just fine. Oral? Rare. She did not mind occasionally receiving. Fantasies, role play, toys, other people, etc? She just was not into it. I tried to introduce things. God knows I tried to introduce things and to break open some kind of change, some kind of evolution of sex. To no avail. So I believe we just got things kind of wrong during dating/courtship/early years of our marriage. We were too immature to communicate our thoughts and needs clearly and with conviction. Then you're trying to get ahead in your job, you're establishing a home, then kids...and a whole world of other things materialize and become further challenges to sex. To creativity. To exploration. Now we're parents. Defining ourselves as parents. And...I don't know...I'm struggling to say it all as concisely as I see and feel it in my mind, but honestly it just seems like it is SO fucking insidiously easy to unintentionally establish a culture and a pattern in a marriage where intimacy and sex get…de-prioritized. It slips, you can feel it…you make excuses, you equivocate, you don't know how or what to say, you’re confused, resentful, angry, sad…and then at some point you're kind of like...where the hell did the last ten years go?
At the same time – there’s the (I think) critical issue of the raw material you come into the relationship with. My ex and I had very different raw materials we were working with…the inherent stuff we were built from in puberty (however that even works).
So now I am remarried to a girl who is more than my equal sexually. I'm 54, she's 52. And she came from a first marriage herself which crazily mirrored my own first marriage. Extremely similar. Together? We are like a match vs gasoline, and it has not let up. She is extremely sexual. Dirty as hell. Willing to do things I seriously never remotely believed I would have the opportunities to experience in my sex life and she does what she does and we do what we do entirely without using any kind of IOU’s or…I don’t know…relationship currency?…to get what we want. We just run an idea out there and at some point we try it. Total freedom. If I want to try something? It’s literally definitely a go at some point (some things need a good amount of discussion, ground rules, etc). She’s on board. But - her green-lighting my ideas is not dependent nor predicated on her getting something she wants in return. And vice versa. She does things with me and for me for their own sake; not as a quid pro quo. She might ultimately find that she likes that thing a lot, or likes it so-so, or sometimes not so much. But she’ll communicate all that openly. And then everything spurs even more fantasizing and more discussion and more “what the hell, let’s try that” moments. It all becomes its own self-sustaining fuel.
It's pretty interesting how she lost her virginity to her first husband, had an exciting/early courtship and early marriage with him, but then within a few years she was on the same track as I was with my ex - vanilla, sex not-that-important, etc. So how does that happen that this girl I re-marry had precisely one sexual partner over her preceding life, and now I'm the blessed beneficiary of a truly energetic, creative, open minded sexual animal? How does that go? There’s the good fortune and serendipity of just finding that person, that…match. But for sure there’s more.
She and I definitely talk about this from time to time and what we've realized is:
- We were always both very hardwired to be highly sexual back to our teens. Hardwired. Not learned. And (arguably?) cannot be taught or acquired at a deep level, in our opinion anyway. Not saying sex lives cannot improve with focus, motivation, effort...of course they can…just saying that we believe we were both extremely sexual to begin with and that there's maybe a definite finite limit to what a hardwired vanilla person at heart can do to change themselves up sexually.
- There is a crazy, utterly unique freedom which follows a relationship where the sex was previously unsatisfying. And where we're a number of years older. The "what the hell do I have to lose" by...asking, attempting, trying, discussing, etc...it’s like some invisible fence was suddenly removed. Suddenly anything seems possible (because we’ve proactively decided that exploration has massive value).
- Communication...no such thing as an irrelevant intimate, sexual topic or discussion. Listen openly, don't react too much out of hand, and just take on a posture of "what the hell, i'll try anything once, I trust you". There are places of vulnerability in us both where…if the other person pushes a boundary…it’s ok and good to feel unfamiliar, unsure, even uncomfortable to some extent…because ultimately we trust the other person down to the bones. Deep. I don’t know…that embrace of our vulnerabilities…when rewarded with communication and trust…has seriously blown the doors wide open for us.
Also? Maybe falling in love in your 40’s is just different. You look at the trajectory of your life and age so differently. We have this pointed, very razor sharp awareness that we need to seize the moment and have experiences - and that urgency (for us, at least) is so vivid…it’s always with us and drives us forward to exciting, varied debauchery and sex (and other things and experiences beyond sex, too). I'm extremely aware and conscious of the blessing in front of me...even more so as I hear about guys who are working through situations which they really wish so much they could change and improve.
Just some thoughts. For whatever they may be worth. And thanks for this great place to have these kind of conversations!
Last edited by stephen54 on Wed Nov 20, 2019 6:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
54 yrs. Blessed with highly sexual 52 yr old wife. Pills 10 years, then 9 yrs Trimix. 28 cm Titan Touch XL 2019, Laurence Levine, Rush Univ Med Ctr, Chicago. Implant = nonstop fun. Hypogonadal, so also 10+ years testosterone replacement.
Re: Vanilla wife.
Well I'm certainly happy for you that things are working out so well. You're a lucky guy and you seem to recognize that fact and correctly so. Cherish her.
R.R.P 2011 Mayo Jacksonville, Dr. M. Wehle. Not nerve sparing. C in margins. Radiation 2023, V.E.D, Viagra and PGE-1 (80mcg/ml) injections @ 8 - 14 units. Originally Edex20, then compounded PGE due to cost. Inject. 12 yrs. It works. Treasure coast of FL.
Re: Vanilla wife.
bldoink wrote:Well I'm certainly happy for you that things are working out so well. You're a lucky guy and you seem to recognize that fact and correctly so. Cherish her.
You're right, I'm blessed. Further blessed because I do recognize this in real time. What a weird trip through this life...
54 yrs. Blessed with highly sexual 52 yr old wife. Pills 10 years, then 9 yrs Trimix. 28 cm Titan Touch XL 2019, Laurence Levine, Rush Univ Med Ctr, Chicago. Implant = nonstop fun. Hypogonadal, so also 10+ years testosterone replacement.
Re: Vanilla wife.
Thanks for posting those thoughts. It gave me some insight into my own marriages. Currently married to wife with no interest in sex after the first year of marriage and certainly not adventurous in any form. Never initiated sex. She was just born that way and never had a desire to change.
Retired. R.P. 2016. Bilateral nerve sparing surgery. Now use .15cc of Bimix twice weekly & anorgasmia, moderately incontinent. Wife no longer interested so go solo with Electro-stim using Erostek ET-312. Now am Type 2 diabetic.
Re: Vanilla wife.
Reggieman wrote:Thanks for posting those thoughts. It gave me some insight into my own marriages. Currently married to wife with no interest in sex after the first year of marriage and certainly not adventurous in any form. Never initiated sex. She was just born that way and never had a desire to change.
I think that's right, you know? There really is such a thing as born that way. Whether that means adventurous or not-so-adventurous. Can I ask you...I'm just curious...do you two have dialogue about this? I mean...along the lines of...does she recognize the disconnect? And does she wish she could change, but she just doesn't see the path of how to change? Or does she not even really care to see the divide?
54 yrs. Blessed with highly sexual 52 yr old wife. Pills 10 years, then 9 yrs Trimix. 28 cm Titan Touch XL 2019, Laurence Levine, Rush Univ Med Ctr, Chicago. Implant = nonstop fun. Hypogonadal, so also 10+ years testosterone replacement.
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