touble getting wife on board

[oldbeek]

Could it be that the woman's loss of desire, which is a natural process, is just as compelling to her as your - also natural - urges are to you? So how do you resolve the tension between two competing, completely natural - not intentional - forces? My wife continued to participate in sex for a while after her interest waned, but she was not in the least disappointed when I lost my desire. We have not been intimate for over 10 years, and we're fine with it because neither of us is interested. The difficulties arise when one partner is interested and the other is not, but casting blame is not helpful.

I know Dave, I agree... That's why I have remained faithful for 30 years (this July 22). It's just so frustrating. What happens if I never lose my desire?

Larry

We are pushing 57 years. At 30 we were still on our honeymoon.

[antelope]

Congrats on a long and happy marriage, oldbeek. Your wife may be 1 in a million.

Someone told once that 99% of marital discord can be traced to two things: money and sex. And the problems occur when there's not enough of one or the other or both. My own experience affirms that along with a vast amount of anecdotal evidence.

Treasure that woman, my friend.

[oldbeek]

Congrats on a long and happy marriage, oldbeek. Your wife may be 1 in a million.

Someone told once that 99% of marital discord can be traced to two things: money and sex. And the problems occur when there's not enough of one or the other or both. My own experience affirms that along with a vast amount of anecdotal evidence.

Treasure that woman, my friend.

Every once in a while she gets really Horney, and the queen of England could be in the next room. When she wants to fuck nothing is going to stop her. My problem is trying to figure out when that time is coming. Drives me crazy but it keeps me around. LOL

[oldbeek]

I ordered some Female Cialis on your recommendation. Now to get her to try it. This morning I tried to get her to hold my dick. NO, our door is open, MOM may see us. She is 97 and sleeps most of the time. I get up, go pee, close the door and go back to bed. I expect, why did you come back? NO, that didnt happen. She takes my balls and starts playing. As I said, who the hell knows when she will get horney. She plays a lot longer than I thought she would. She lifts her tits up squeezing them with the look, please suck them them and opens her legs. Game is on. Hurray & Halilua! I start to rub her now wet pussy and she starts to hump. She gets a leg cramp.Oh fuck. This is old people sex. She jumps up and goes into the bathroom. We have a bidet. I think I can hear it running. Great! She is washing up her pussy and is going to come back really wet and want it all licked. NOPE!!! Next thing I know she is getting dressed. GAME OVER! Deflate that thing, you have had enough, it is all in your head. LIFE SUCKS! Who the fuck can figure women out.

[Lost Sheep]

I ordered some Female Cialis on your recommendation. Now to get her to try it. This morning I tried to get her to hold my dick. NO, our door is open, MOM may see us. She is 97 and sleeps most of the time. I get up, go pee, close the door and go back to bed. I expect, why did you come back? NO, that didnt happen. She takes my balls and starts playing. As I said, who the hell knows when she will get horney. She plays a lot longer than I thought she would. She lifts her tits up squeezing them with the look, please suck them them and opens her legs. Game is on. Hurray & Halilua! I start to rub her now wet pussy and she starts to hump. She gets a leg cramp.Oh fuck. This is old people sex. She jumps up and goes into the bathroom. We have a bidet. I think I can hear it running. Great! She is washing up her pussy and is going to come back really wet and want it all licked. NOPE!!! Next thing I know she is getting dressed. GAME OVER! Deflate that thing, you have had enough, it is all in your head. LIFE SUCKS! Who the fuck can figure women out.

It would seem to me that only she can figure herself out, but maybe with only a LOT of introspection.

Can you go out, away from all the cares of life, find a private place where you can talk frankly and let conversation flow uninhibited.

I do not recommend you press her, but just let her give voice to her concerns. Perhaps gently guide the conversation to address YOUR confusion and (like a good marriage counselor recommends) do not use blaming language, but FEELING language. How do YOU feel (not how she makes you feel, but how you feel in reaction to her actions).

Pressure is not likely to elicit good communications, but most people will talk to fill a void in the conversation if (and only if) they feel safe to do so.

Think of her talking to you equally as elusive as her orgasms. Forethought in how you approach this is as important as foreplay is to sex.

Good luck. My prayers are with you both.

[AnotherOldMan]

a private place

We have designated a small, downstairs room as our sex room. We have scheduled sex twice a week in our room. The spontaneity is gone but that was slowly going away and with the birth of the 1st child disappeared completely 40+ years ago.
At this point in our lives I gladly trade spontaneity for twice a week sex.

Blood flow is as important for women as it is for men. She uses a clit enhancement cream, a vibrator, and a clit pump to keep the blood flowing.
https://www.mtm-med.com/up/datei/241.pdf

[Ray356]

I seem to have the same problem. I recently was implanted with a coloplast titán. The reason I decided to do it is that I was always so afraid to have sex before the implant because I would always come so fast. For me it was a fantastic feeling but my wife was always left frustrated. That in itself made me feel pretty bad and didn’t feel like a man. So after a lot of thinking decided to go with the implant. I think I had more pain than the average men. Maybe is because I didn’t take my pain medication. Anyway, after I was given to go ahead to do anything it probably took me a couple of weeks to ask my wife to try it. Her comments were that I had lost size and that it did not feel normal. Anyway we did and think that she enjoyed due to me doing as long as she wanted. Which made me feel good. However, as time has gone by her decirle is not there, as a matter of fact she confessed that she never liked giving blow jobs. Initially when we met she always asked me if she could give a blow job, so you can imagine how bad I felt when she told me that. The more I think about maybe it was a mistake to having done the implant. Although my tool seems to be always hard even after I deflate. Unconsciously find myself caressing it with my hands specially the head. I’m guess the nerve endings there are super sensitive. Well, my wife. Noticed me touching my tool and she jumped all over me for doing it. So, I’m to the point about just forgetting about intimacy.
Am I wrong for thinking this way. If I was somebody else would use my tool somewhere else, but love my too much.

[Lost Sheep]

I seem to have the same problem. I recently was implanted with a coloplast titán. The reason I decided to do it is that I was always so afraid to have sex before the implant because I would always come so fast. For me it was a fantastic feeling but my wife was always left frustrated. That in itself made me feel pretty bad and didn’t feel like a man. So after a lot of thinking decided to go with the implant. I think I had more pain than the average men. Maybe is because I didn’t take my pain medication. Anyway, after I was given to go ahead to do anything it probably took me a couple of weeks to ask my wife to try it. Her comments were that I had lost size and that it did not feel normal. Anyway we did and think that she enjoyed due to me doing as long as she wanted. Which made me feel good. However, as time has gone by her decirle is not there, as a matter of fact she confessed that she never liked giving blow jobs. Initially when we met she always asked me if she could give a blow job, so you can imagine how bad I felt when she told me that. The more I think about maybe it was a mistake to having done the implant. Although my tool seems to be always hard even after I deflate. Unconsciously find myself caressing it with my hands specially the head. I’m guess the nerve endings there are super sensitive. Well, my wife. Noticed me touching my tool and she jumped all over me for doing it. So, I’m to the point about just forgetting about intimacy.
Am I wrong for thinking this way. If I was somebody else would use my tool somewhere else, but love my too much.

I am not sure I understand your last sentence. Is it constructed the way you intended?

It sounds like your wife is not very candid with you about sex and never was (she offered blow jobs but now confesses she tells you she did not like it.). A frank discussion WITHOUT PRESSURE about sexual practices that she DOES enjoy (if any) wherein you tell her that your self-esteem depends not just on your ability to get an erection, but how well you can please her with it. You may have to convince her, since your post suggests that you may not have been as attentive as she might have wanted

For me it was a fantastic feeling but my wife was always left frustrated

. That you were "afraid to have sex...because I would always come so fast" surely colored her feelings towards sex with you as well.

I strongly feel that there has built up a lot of misunderstanding between your wife and you surrounding intimacy and sex (separate subjects, you know). Clearing the air at this stage of your marriage will likely be difficult, but WELL WORTH THE TROUBLE!

Guidance in navigating the clearance of the obstructing misunderstandings and off-target assumptions might be worthwhile. A sexually based marriage counsellor might be helpful. Maybe not necessary. Your wife's willingness to give you blow jobs before and her willingness to tell you she did not like them now suggest she is willing to talk. THAT IS A VERY GOOD SIGN.

[Ray356]

Thanks for the feedback, I’m not really good at writing what I want to say. I used to be an outstandingly writer but ever since I had several mini-strokes having being able to focus which that in itself is a different challenge. What I don’t understood is how can a a person do something like giving blow jobs and act like she really like it. I have never being the type of person that likes to impose myself. I hoped that by having an implant would it would make feel better knowing that I could fully satisfy my wife. But was wrong didn’t work this way all the opposite. I’m giving up completely and would not contemplate on asking for intimacy.

[Lost Sheep]

Thanks for the feedback, I’m not really good at writing what I want to say. I used to be an outstandingly writer but ever since I had several mini-strokes having being able to focus which that in itself is a different challenge. What I don’t understood is how can a a person do something like giving blow jobs and act like she really like it. I have never being the type of person that likes to impose myself. I hoped that by having an implant would it would make feel better knowing that I could fully satisfy my wife. But was wrong didn’t work this way all the opposite. I’m giving up completely and would not contemplate on asking for intimacy.

A lot of people (and I really do mean it) keep quiet about their true feelings in an effort to please their partner. I know a man whos bride prepared his breakfast in a certain way. He did not like it, but to spare her feelings, he put up with it. After 20 years of marriage, he finally spoke up that he perferred his eggs done differently.

A woman, to please her man, will put up with all kinds of stuff.

My advice is to thank her for doing that and ask her to never again withhold her preferences. Ask her to always keep the line of communication open. (And remember that this goes both ways.) There may by adjustments but it will be worth it.

I will take a leap and risk offending you by offering advice based on a layperson's diagnosis of a dysfunction in your relationship. Please, if I am wrong, forgive me.

Look at this article:
https://www.expressivecounseling.com/ar ... caretaking
It goes a LOT further than the advice I would give concerning your relationship, but you can see how a woman, caretaking in her side of the relationship, might give blow jobs adverse to her desire. If that does not generate feelings of resentment, lucky for you both. If it does, those feelings can spiral into dysfunction. I don't want that for you two. It sounds like you have enough communication to avoid tragedy. I opine that more open communication can improve the good relationship you already have had many years of.

Here is an example I think might be illustrative (in addition to the one about breakfast above)

My girlfriend gave me a bracelet. I don't like jewelry on my hands, but I wear it because it would hurt her feelings if I didn't. As long as I don't build up resentment, wearing the bracelet does not hurt our relationship. If I began to resent it, that feeling certainly would spill over and stain other aspects of our relationship.