Dating & Bi/Flexible Sexuality

[Al1962]

Does Bi or Flexible Sexuality ever cause issues when meeting or dating someone new?
I would consider dating a woman if I met the right one. I was divorced a little over 3 yrs ago and haven't really been certain of my place or purpose in this world as it affects others. My only sexual contact has been a guy FWB's. I love women. I need to have a more serious talk with the FWB's guy so he truly understands how I feel. I also have wondered what kind of sex related talks are expected when dating. A lot of people are ok with bi-sexuality but I'm afraid of the direct question that may be a problem; Have you ever performed oral sex on a guy?
I knew a woman several years ago when I was still married that I felt a connection with though nothing happened. Recently I find myself thinking of her a hoping we could cross paths.

[Lost Sheep]

There are bisexual members on FrankTalk who may be able to advise you. I am straight, but will offer whatever support I can.

Having successfully avoided the institution of marriage for 73 years but seen a lot of friends' marriages from an outside perspective, I now feel qualified to offer advice on the institution to anyone, and this does not prevent pontificating on non-marital relationships, either.

Was your marriage to a woman? I would not want to assume incorrectly.

As far as whether to tell your FWB male partner, I recommend doing so. Certainly before you have sex with anyone else (male or female). It is only right to be candid about additional sexual partners. My default position is; If you cannot be open with an intimate partner, you should not be intimate. Some conversations are difficult, but generally worth it and if he reacts badly to you TALKING about sex with another person, think how much worse it would be if you actualy do have sex with another and he finds out.

Same principle about talking about sexual expectations with a new partner. In the 60s, casual sex did not involve a lot of sharing of sexual histories. With the arrival of HIV and concomitant sensitivities to the plethora of STDs the sharing of sexual histories has become obigatory, not to mention that it is the polite thing to do. And now, discussing your vaccination status is in the mix as well.

Whenever I approached a woman for sex, it was almost always within the context of an established relationship. Sometimes early in the relationship (sometimes only hours), but I never did approach a woman without already having had a conversation about sexual expectations. That is, I have never had anonymous sex, like on "tinder" or the like. So I have no idea of the etiquette to be used for a hookup.

My advice on bringing up the question of sex with a woman or revealing to her that you have had sex with men in the past is to ask her if she is OK with you being bisexual. Timing of the question is critical. Too early risks suggesting that you expect sex from her (which might put her off, suggesting that you think of her as "loose"). Too late might be felt by her as a betrayal (her thinking you presented yourself as straight and then springing the surprize of bisexuality on her.).

I am not sure why you think a woman asking you if you ever fellated a man (as opposed to the other sexual practices between men) is the issue that came to your mind. I think I have a guess, and it is not really important anyway. (Attempt at humor: unless she thinks that you would be critical of her fellation skills as compared to hers.)

Now, if you meet her on a dating site, you can simply put your sexual preferences in your profile. I did that about my impotence and it was universally met with acceptance from all the women who responded.

I wish you luck in your relationships. Do not hesitate to engage with other people, even without sex. Relationships are fun regardless and sex, even without coitus, is also fun.