gusord wrote:Anyone out there successfull in convincing a wife that pegging their husband, anal butt plugs,etc. does not make a man gay. Need some help
here.
gusord
Hi,
I'm new to FT and have just been scrolling through topics and posts, so I realize this is a several years old thread but I figured what the hell, I'll weigh in anyway in case this might be of some help. [Hopefully you found a way and your wife has been pegging you for the last 3 years and this is a moot point by now]
I'm pretty motivated and passionate around this topic! You can message me privately if you want, but I'll spill my basic take and history on pegging here with hopes something is of benefit.
I was married 22 years and was always curious about butt sex (both of us) and she just was not into anything adventurous like that. Butts were for outgoing not incoming. When I sometimes tried to hint and circle a conversation around to pegging she just wasn't having any of that. She didn't say no directly. But her body language (kind of an unmistakable squeamish distaste) was pretty clear to me. So it never went anywhere. But she was as vanilla as vanilla gets across the spectrum of sex, so this was no surprise to me. I honestly don't know if she thought that buttsex on me equated to gay-ish-ness. It honestly would not surprise me. Butts, for me, though, were just another potential pleasure factory, and one with tons of nerve endings. So I never lost that curiosity about being pegged. Why the hell
wouldn't I want to try and see if that's pleasurable?
Fast forward, divorced from wife #1 and now have been with my new wife for 9 years. Entirely different women. This one is pure adventure. She green-lights just about anything and she jumps in - not tentative, not dragging her toe through the water - not a transaction, not a quid pro quo. She commits. And while there are a lot of differences between wife #1 and wife #2 here, the crux of your question, I believe, goes to
trust.A very definite freedom came with falling in love again in my 40s. Like...I don't have fucking time or interest anymore in beating around the bushes, in walking on eggshells, in pretending something is or isn't the way I know it is, nor in softening the edges of something I want to do, something I want to try. Our deal with one another from the start was - just say it. Say anything. Wide open communication. You're safe with me. So with my wife now, I found it really simple to make the initial connections in her mind by playing with her bum sort of absentmindedly while we made love in other ways. Essentially...I (sometimes) incorporated her bum as a little ingredient (
not a focal event) into our lovemaking. I was very verbal...I would tell her how much it turns me on to touch her there, I would tell her how beautiful her ass is, and I would ask her what she was feeling. I went slowly, softly, patiently. I didn't attack and plunge in. It was easy for her to say, yes, that feels very different, but good. Then combining an (extremely well lubricated) finger in her bum softly while penetrating her vaginally. The extra fullness (and, as she later told me, the dirtiness) of doing this got her off to big orgasms. Different orgasms, according to her, because of the new, extra fullness.
So then it was just increasingly easy to have dialogue. Hey, baby, that's so awesome. I'm so jealous. I'm next. Etc. It's kind of like we removed the veil of secrecy and shame and categorizations from buttsex by simply acknowledging - hey, that's a lotta damn nerve endings. It feels GOOD. That simple.
With my wife now, it literally never occurred to us to talk about perceived "gayness" of my butt being played with. She's a natural submissive, but she can occasionally get very pointedly assertive. She occasionally likes to dominate, take control, blur gender lines, and
fuck me. Lucky me.
But my wife also very clearly gets something from this switch. It feeds something in her, it rewards something. Several things, actually, and she and I do talk openly about those things and I know what those are for her. I think you need to really think about what those things are (that playing with power roles/gender) which your wife might get from playing like that? What is
her win? Only you and she can answer that.
I can well imagine not every woman or wife has this sort of...extra gear. I think I got lucky that I found a very free spirit with a very big libido and probably too much testosterone for a girl. But at the end of the day it really is the fact that she
trusts me. Everything we do flows from that. Every time I push the sexual envelope and boundaries with her, I look her in the eye and say, "do you trust me?". As long as she keeps answering "yes", then I get to keep pushing things. It's like this beautiful give and take between vulnerability and then the trust you reward your partner with when they show vulnerability. Maybe some women/wives just think buttsex is "icky" (there are definite...issues...sometimes. you have to have a sense of humor and a can of cleansing wipes close by). Maybe some other women just are unsure, not confident to take charge and be the more male-like assertive one. Either way, if your relationship is solid enough for you to say, look, I need you to trust me here...then she should try all sorts of things with you. Pegging included. If you are clearly into your wife...if she turns you on and if you have your hands all over her, and if she clearly feels pursued by you...then maybe you call that out. Like...baby, do you feel like I am really motivated around
you? Yes? Do you feel like you are IT, for me? Yes? Ok. THEN TRUST ME.
There are numerous videos out there which depict loving heterosexual couples incorporating pegging and strapon play into their lovemaking. Look around, they are out there.
Oh...btw...equipment. That's all a pretty individual subject (we went through probably 6-8 dildos of varying lengths/girth before finding my go-to, so you've gotta experiment). Also, we sometimes use Feeldoe and "Share" dildos in the harness when she fucks me (these have an insertable bulb she puts into her vagina and so she is able to assert, and fuck you, while feeling the shifting fullness at the same time inside herself). Highly recommend.
As for a harness, again, highly subjective but take a look at the Jaguar. It's made by a Canadian company called Aslan Leather. We researched and tried several before landing on the Jaguar. It's designed with a lower rise/profile in such a way that, with every thrust, the base of the dildo tends to contact her clitoral area. All I can tell you is...this is a really cool win for her, or at least that's our experience. My wife frequently loses her fucking mind in orgasm because of that clitoral alignment/contact. My orgasms from pegging? They vary. I don't always come. But when I do, it's something entirely different from any other orgasm. I won't even try to explain it. It's brought me to the edge of some kind of shaking, hyperventilating seizure. The good kind.
Also, when we started harness/strapon play, she did not initially rush in and fuck me. The Jaguar is a style where it's open in the middle, ie, her bum and her vagina are open, exposed, and very accessible. So at first, to ease her in to this kind of play, she would strap herself in and we would play and I would penetrate her vaginally in any kind of position imaginable...just like we would ordinarily make love...except she was wearing a dick. This messed with her mind (
mine, too, clearly) in a really provocative good way and it created a step by step approach to getting acclimated to this kind of new play.
As I said...a subject I'm super passionate about. Could write a damn book on this subject...
Good luck, and let me know if I (or we) can help!
