New to site and despondent

[Johnlong54]

Hello

I'm so depressed it's hard to communicate. I have an hourglass deformity at least I think so. I'm going to Mayo Clinic on 30th and 31st of this month. 1st ultrasound ect... Base of penis hard glans soft. Used trimix for 4 years with perfect success then almost overnight stopped working. I'm sure it's something I did. I'm 54 wife 39. We've been married 6 years she's the live of my life....i believe im the love of hers. Our sex life is not what defines our relationship but it is....or was critical for intimacy.....joy whatever. If someone doesn't understand how important it is then maybe they haven't had sex. I'm bitter angry self loathing full of guilt self loathing and pity. I have no hope and that's sad. There's so much more to it......i guess I just need to talk. Tried VAD..... Not really working......no severe bending yet.....just can't penetrate my wife. I think she hurts more for me than herself which just makes me cry harder. I've been an RN 27 years and seen a lot of pain and misery but I feel like I'm dying inside as I type this. Anyway.....i guess there's other people with same problem. It could be worse right. But if I can't have intercourse with my wife ever again.......i don't think I can overcome that and I've overcame a lot. I think I would have to consider signing out. I'm not suicidal but is it possible to die from sadness and despair.

[bldoink]

John,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find some answers here and at least some comfort knowing that you aren't alone. Yep, ED can be discouraging and depressing, for sure. Take comfort that there is always the implant as a final option if it comes to that.

I assume you were saying you have also been trying a VED, if I understood correctly. Even if you find it unsatisfactory for sex I'd keep using it for therapy while you get things figured out. However, I certainly can't give medical advice and it sounds like you're far more qualified to do that than I could ever hope to be.

Also, in the interim, don't neglect other options such as oral, digital or toys. Even if you can't do PIV sex it is still rewarding to hear your wife git off with your assistance using one of those other methods. As you said, it probably bothers you more than her but getting the wife off by some method is rewarding for both partners.

I don't have any great answers for you (obviously) but please don't get discouraged or depressed. Look forward to your Mayo visit. Which Mayo? Jacksonville is where I had prostate cancer RP surgery. The place seems to have their act together pretty well. One poster on this forum had an implant there recently. I think he was satisfied but I don't recall the details. Maybe he'll chime in.

Good luck.

[FreddyFree]

I was in the same situation as you. I however, was contemplating suicide. I had it all planned out. I needed a 100% solution, didn't want to survive as a vegetable.

Now with an implant and the ability to be intimate again, those evil brain scripts that replayed over and over are gone!

Take care of yourself, you are worth it and there is always a way to solve problems.

[LeRoastBeef]

John,

I know exactly what you're going through. I have had all of your thoughts, I'm 32 and I understand full well your mentality. I won't say anymore on the matter.

What keeps me going is the hope of an implant. Which I am waiting on.

You have peyronies (scar tissue) from injecting, a lot of men develop this over time. The drugs will also have stopped working because you have developed tolerance. Neither of these are your fault.

Now an implant would straighten out your scar tissue, would give you a rock hard erection and eliminate any deformity. With regards to the soft glans, you would have to use a constriction ring with your implant. A few men here do, that will give you a hard glans. This is my plan, 'Tangerine' and 'Alibaba' both do this.

Then back to life. In every respect.

[Beachdude]

I feel your pain, as do most if not all of the other guys on here. Having ED affects a man in ways that a woman can never truly understand. I started suffering with ED in my mid 20's. Even if your partner is understanding, as mine was, it still makes one feel 'less of a man' even when that is not the case. I was convinced that I had some sort of emotional or mental issue causing it, which only increased my internal pain. Thank goodness I had the sense to see a Urologist, who diagnosed me venous leakage. After experimenting with various treatments, we settled on injections, and I still use them with no adverse affects as of today at 57. It totally turned my life around. I regained my confidence, became more of a tiger in the bedroom, and just felt like a complete man again.
My point is, find a good Urologist and discuss your issues and find a treatment that works for your situation. If you feel the need, find a good therapist to discuss your feelings also. I did. Really helped me emotionally in conjunction with the injections. Hang in there. There is help, and be thankful you have an understanding partner. I thank God everyday for mine.

[Quester]

I too have suffered from ED and Peyronie's all is not lost. Follow treatment plans with your doctor.
I love my wife and we have great intimate time, she says there is more to being intimate than intercourse and we have been enjoying sex and each other in more ways than just intercourse. I think it makes you a better lovers when you seek other ways to enjoy each other

Good Luck

[Johnlong54]

I just want to thank everybody for their kind words. My wife read the responses and cried she was so moved. For the first time in a long time I don't feel isolated from the rest of the world. My wife has had to carry this burden with my and be my total support group. Bless whoever started this site and all of those who are open enough to share A very personal part of their life to help others in need

[bldoink]

We all suffer when afflicted by the various forms of ED. Our spouses suffer too. You are fortunate to have a caring supportive wife. Treat her well. And don't be a stranger. Hang around and share both your successes and failures. Hopefully mostly successes. Let us know how the Mayo Clinic visit goes. Which Mayo?

Good luck and I've said a prayer for you too.

[Gino07110]

Hey I’m so sorry your going through this. I think reading your post will help other guys in the same predicament. Please know your wife loves you regardless of whether there’s sex in your relationship or not. Can you answer a question for me? I’m new to Trimix it’s been about a year now. I find myself using it about 5x a week. Is this condition from using the Trimix over 4 years? Would you do anything different? Thank you! G

[RandyPE]

Hi Johnlong54. I'm 52 and was diagnosed with Peyronie's about 2 years ago. I don't have the ED issues that many men do with the disease, but I definitely understand about the bend/curve getting in the way or penetration and intimacy. There are some early things you can do to minimize the effect and actually decrease the degree of the curve. I initially had very close to a 90 degree bend straight up, but the curve is now very minimal. The hourglass effect persists, and I've lost almost 2 inches in length of my penis, but at least it can get into where it needs to go....
Feel free to PM me. I'd love to commiserate with you and share the journey. You're definitely not alone, and there are good options for you, brother.

Randy