Another New Guy

[Woodicould]

Sorry about your wife freaking out because of using meds. You might show her the info that comes with it. If you don't have any you can go online.
The literature I got plainly says that Viagra (which is free sample I got from my doc with the literature, but it is the same for Cialis and Levitra) does
not give erections, but will enable them WITH STIMULATION. You can tell your wife, without her, you won't get erections (unless you stimulate
yourself). I have had treatment for prostate cancer, including Lupron, which takes away the testosterone and I lost the ability to get an erection without
Viagra/Levitra. I was expecting to get off the Lupron and hopefully get my erections back, but as my doc said, if I didn't use it I would lose it. So I asked my wife
to stimulate me every morning. This got a bit old for her, but she was good about it until I got back my ability to often have an erection. Sometimes I have to
go take a pill when I can't get hard enough to penetrate. I'll say, I can't get up, so why don't I go take a pill. Then I caress her for 30 or more minutes and then
she gets me going again. Bring her into the process. It might seem a bit humiliating, but in the end it should strengthen your bond.
Do what you can to convince her that she is first place in your life. I got the book Making Love Again by Virginia and Keith Laken hoping we could read it
together to help my wife understand why getting an erection was so important to who I am. We read the first chapter together, but then stuff got in the
way and so I read the rest of the book myself and then my wife starting reading it on her own. But they did some oral sex and that turned her off.
Anyway, I hope and pray things will turn around in your relationship.

[Ringo1968]

Thanks. I've already given her the literature and pointed out exactly what you noted -- that these drugs won't work if we're not stimulated -- and so far that hasn't seemed to sink in. I guess we'll see if it ever does. We're not even to the point of talking about this stuff in any reasonable way. She's still hung up on the fact that I didn't tell her I was using it. We've got to get past that before we even start dealing with the underlying issue.

Honestly, the notion of her ultimately saying no is kind of liberating. I've resumed therapy and cut back on my drinking like she asked. If that works, great. If it doesn't work, it isn't my fault and she'll have to face the choice -- let me use the drug, or get used to a life without sex (which probably leads to divorce eventually).

[antelope]

I suggest you have a chat with wifey, but not in bed and not even in a situation where you might end up in the sack at the end of the conversation. A restaurant or the dinner table is a better environment than standing naked with a hard-on and begging.

Here are some ideas to get a conversation going:

"A marriage without intimacy is a lot of things, but it is not a marriage."

"For a healthy male, sex is a biological imperative. I need this like I need air to breathe and food to eat."

"Of course I love you, but for me that means that I crave your touch, your skin, your lips, your whole body. Do you feel the same way about me?"

Just some starters. You can take it from there. Or not.


G

[Ringo1968]

Thanks, antelope. ALL of our conversations on the topic of Cialis vs. No Cialis have taken place outside the bedroom and with no sexual context at all. Unfortunately, all of our conversations have taken place while my wife is so upset about the fact that I didn't tell her about it in advance that she can scarcely focus on the pros and cons of the drug on any sort of rational plane. My hope is that things will continue to cool down in the coming days and that we can have that kind of conversation soon, and I like your suggestions on how to approach it from my end when that day comes. Thanks again!

[antelope]

Good luck. I've found that such conversations are essential to sanity for a married couple. And they're not always about sex.