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Hey guys,

I am 28 years old (almost 29) and live in EU country. I try to outline my story and would be happy to hear your feedback/opinion about my situation and its possible solutions. I will put it chronologically.

Sorry for such a long text with many details, but I wanted to provide you with information necessary for understanding of my problem and also to clarify things for myself. In addition, English is a foreign language for me and I am writing my post quite in a hurry, so sorry in advance for mistakes.

During my early teenage years (I would say since 13 to 17) I had quite high sex drive and good spontaneous erection. At 14 or so I spontaneously ejaculated while watching VHS porn of my uncle for the first time. At 16 I started to use internet and discovered its dark pleasures as femdom porn, sexual chats etc. which, combined with masturbation, gave me very high arousal level (those femdom fantasies still arouse me the most).

My first sexual encounter was at 16 with a prostitute. While she was giving me a blowjob and I finally started to want penetrating her, I suddenly ejaculated. Then, when I was 17, I fell in love with one girl who became my girlfriend and coudn't get it up on 2 occasions we tried to have sex, so she just finished me with a hand. After couple of months we broke up. Then at 19 I met another girl in a club, invited her to my friend's apartment, but failed to get it up. Around this time I stopped watching porn on internet in order to help my issues. At 20 I met one older woman and when we were intimate and alone in a room, I didn't escalate things, because I felt I was not hard enough. At 22 I went to prostitute again. I tried to penetrate her (she was up on me), but my dick was not hard enough, so I finished while we were doing 69. At 25 I went to another prostitute and again my penis didn't get hard enough for penetration and I finished at 69 position or during handjob while giving her cunnilingus (don't remember exactly). She even slightly tied up my hands to arouse me a bit more.

All in all, until age 27 when I finally sorted out my social anxiety (it gradually improved over years) and ADHD (I started to use medication for it) my dating life was pretty bad and was more just about some random encounters. Since 27, though, I started to notice much more interest from girls and have dated more than in all my life before. During this dating period I had another sexual encounter (November 2018), but failed to get it hard again and she finished me with her hand. At that point I decided to go to the doctor and got a receipt for Sildenafil. Afterwards I used it last summer with one woman. We started with 69 and I got hard and finished, I would say, within 5 minutes or since we started 69. After that, I wasn't able to be hard enough for penetration, even though she stimulated me manually quite rigorously for about one hour and I didn't even finish. During that period of time I had a date with one girl (I didn’t use a pill). Even though we were kissing and touching each other, I didn’t escalate things further because my dick was not hard enough and I didn’t have condom with myself.

Last August I met handsome and attractive 19 years old girl. She visited my city for one week. We were hanging out all that week and had really cool time together. She was giving me amazing handjobs in public places like parks or riverside all that time and last day before her departure I booked a hotel room for us. After a lot of foreplay and some unsuccessful attempts to penetrate (I probably wasted 3 or so condoms) I finally made it and had first successful penetration in my life. Even though it didn't last more than couple of minutes and I was helped by pill, I felt quite relieved that I finally managed to do it.

That experience gave me some confidence boost and I felt that things finally going well for me. I started dating another attractive 23 y.o. girl at that period of time (even though, we didn't sleep together because she was from quite conservative environment). At the end of the year I was dating another good-looking 33 years old woman. On our 3rd date she invited me to her apartment and I gladly accepted her invitation because I felt quite aroused by her even just kissing and hugging her in the bar while we were drinking. I would say I wasn't stressed. She was attractive and I had some boost from the first successful intercourse before. Nevertheless, I failed to get it up (she jerked me off manually) and have never seen her again.

Still I wasn't hopeless cause we planned one week trip together to the southern country of EU with that 19 y.o. (now already 20) girl, so I thought I finally gonna have opportunity to have more attempts on sex with the partner I was familiar and had successful attempt with. Unfortunately, first 4 or 5 days she was on period, so we didn't attempt penetrative sex during that time. We still had oral sex and she was giving me amazing handjobs. Then her period finally finished and we attempted to have sex in the morning (I didn't get a pill, cause it was unplanned). Unfortunately, when it was at least somehow erected (not that much, anyway) and I tried to put condom on, my penis got flaccid again. At that point she asked me why I didn't want her. And then she told me she felt pity for me because she didn't think that she was worse or different from other girls (who, according to her words, want to be f*cked). She also said she didn't think that condom was the reason of my issues. I don't think she wanted to hurt me with her words because she is genuine, straightforward person and she is also still in the age when girls are not so apt in telling white lies. But honestly, at that moment I felt totally crashed and powerless, as if the whole burden of existence fell on my shoulders. This painful experience feels like a last drop for me and wake up call to make this problem my first priority and solve it as soon as possible if I want to live normal life.

Since coming back from the trip 3 weeks ago majority of my evenings have been spent by researching information here on Franktalk where I found information about implants which gave me hope that I can live normal and fulfilled life without the heavy burden that I have now.

I don't want to lose more years dealing with this problem. Even though I managed to build my confidence in general and around girls during recent years despite of my ED, but this problem is getting it back from me sucking my mental and physical energy away and I am not sure I am ready to deal with it for longer time.

Summary: have had a lot of unsuccessful attempts for penetrative sex and only successful one, my libido normally is quite low (unless I get some stronger mental stimulation or physical one), especially when I compare it with my huge sexual drive during early teenage years, have had quite rare morning boners and even rarer spontaneous erections (normally I need physical stimulation for erection to happen), have been dealing with this problem since the start of my sexual life.

Looking forward to hear your honest opinion/feedback from you guys about my situation and possible solution for me, especially with regard to implant (however, I just graduated one year ago and don't have big salary yet, so my options in this regard are pretty much limited to EU countries).

I can relate to your story with the exception of porn. I had a bad sexual episode which has haunted me now for 30 years. I know and understand how much pain you are in.

My advice is not to beat yourself up. Unfortunately, I wish I could give you advice on how to avoid doing this. I would suggest seeing some type of sex therapist to avoid going down this slippery slope.

Questions

Have you been seen by a doctor or a sex therapist? I think most doctor's and insurance companies are going to reject the implant option unless the implant is deemed medically necessary.

Have you tried injections? Most injections will give you an erection if your penis is physically healthy. From what I understand, injections are the next step if pills fail to work and come before an implant will be approved

turboplanet wrote:I can relate to your story with the exception of porn. I had a bad sexual episode which has haunted me now for 30 years. I know and understand how much pain you are in.

My advice is not to beat yourself up. Unfortunately, I wish I could give you advice on how to avoid doing this. I would suggest seeing some type of sex therapist to avoid going down this slippery slope.

Questions

Have you been seen by a doctor or a sex therapist? I think most doctor's and insurance companies are going to reject the implant option unless the implant is deemed medically necessary.

Have you tried injections? Most injections will give you an erection if your penis is physically healthy. From what I understand, injections are the next step if pills fail to work and come before an implant will be approved

I am not beating myself up. It just hurts a lot to have this problem for such a long time and at my age.

I don't think sex therapist would be helpful in my case. I visited sex therapists couple of times, but they just tell you some generic stuff as ''it's all in you head', ''don't worry aboit it too much'', ''just relax''. These kind of advices don't bring me even one inch closer to solution. So now I want some practical solution to my problem without wasting years looking for the cause of my issues.

I am not sure if injections will be helpful in my situation and age even if they work. I don't know how to implement them and its logistics in my dating life with young girls and women who are not that open-minded about such stuff as older women. Even though I admit there should be some exceptions, but you meet only so much women in your life and life doesn't give you neverendless chances so you can seriously rely on the probability that you meet many understanding and accepting women. Also they limit spontaneity even more than pills which I also had problems with. When I woke up with the girl who I was on a trip with and she started to be playful with me, I couldn't take a pill in advance and then I failed. I also feel that injection might just postpone solution of the problem and you still live with that mental baggage of not being able to perform every time when occasion occurs, carrying it around with you and planning everything in advance, worrying how to hide/reveal it and ultimately still end with the implant at the end.

I am not totally throwing this option away though. I might try it to see if a sequence of successful intercourses (if it works) may change things mentally/give you better erections when you are not using it, but I don't rely on that outcome too much.

freeman91 wrote: [...]
I don't think sex therapist would be helpful in my case. I visited sex therapists couple of times, but they just tell you some generic stuff as ''it's all in you head', ''don't worry aboit it too much'', ''just relax''. These kind of advices don't bring me even one inch closer to solution. So now I want some practical solution to my problem without wasting years looking for the cause of my issues. [...]

Hi again.

Yes, I couldn't agree more. Therapists are extremely helpful and it's always sensible to hear a professional opinion but talking doesn't always help.

Before Viagra, everyone thought that ED was just 'in your head'. Well, it's not. ED is a complex condition, there may be psychological (e.g. anxiety, depression) and physical (e.g. diabetes, heart disease) factors involved.

Even in cases of psychogenic ED, oral medication may be helpful - I can't stress this enough.

I am and always was an extremely anxious, OCD type and this had consequences on my sexual performance. The solution wasn't relaxation, it was an ED drug called phentolamine: this is not an anxiolytic, it is an alpha blocker that stops sympathetic action in the penis.

Flavio wrote:

freeman91 wrote: [...]
I don't think sex therapist would be helpful in my case. I visited sex therapists couple of times, but they just tell you some generic stuff as ''it's all in you head', ''don't worry aboit it too much'', ''just relax''. These kind of advices don't bring me even one inch closer to solution. So now I want some practical solution to my problem without wasting years looking for the cause of my issues. [...]

Hi again.

Yes, I couldn't agree more. Therapists are extremely helpful and it's always sensible to hear a professional opinion but talking doesn't always help.

Before Viagra, everyone thought that ED was just 'in your head'. Well, it's not. ED is a complex condition, there may be psychological (e.g. anxiety, depression) and physical (e.g. diabetes, heart disease) factors involved.

Even in cases of psychogenic ED, oral medication may be helpful - I can't stress this enough.

I am and always was an extremely anxious, OCD type and this had consequences on my sexual performance. The solution wasn't relaxation, it was an ED drug called phentolamine: this is not an anxiolytic, it is an alpha blocker that stops sympathetic action in the penis.

Yes, I totally agree that ED is a complex condition. That is why I booked appointment with the urologist and want to undertake as many tests as possible, so I can limit possible causes of my condition at least to some extent in order to help myself to make a further decision how to solve this problem.

This drug phentolamine sounds really interesting. Where is it possible to buy? Do you know why is it not so widely used as, for example, Viagra? Do you also use some other drugs (including ones that boost libido) or approaches to support your condition? Thanks.

freeman91 wrote: […] This drug phentolamine sounds really interesting. Where is it possible to buy? Do you know why is it not so widely used as, for example, Viagra? Do you also use some other drugs (including ones that boost libido) or approaches to support your condition? Thanks.

I'll send you a PM with more info on phentolamine.