FrankTalk.org

Hi all, What an amazing site, with many inspirational reads...

My situation, although perhaps I'm over worrying at this stage. Age 61, super fit (still race on bike) - married for 30 years up to 2014, to a woman I adored...no problem I can recall with ED, but coming was an occasional problem in the latter stages...but cannot recall details (alcohol intake etc).

First relationships post divorce.....2 short lived in 2017 - had erection issues, I put this down to it being still too early after my separation...big gap then, and really ready now, and recently met the most wonderful partner...same again though...however, on my own, morning glory, masturbation, occasional porn, unwanted spontaneous, thinking of partner - no problem, full erection. Spoke with my GP - he was sure this was psychological, firstly tried Viagra (and I varied the dosage from 50mg up to 150mg) - generally failed. Then Cialis (10mg then 20mg) - same, general failure....my partner was super understanding and was actually more into the "holistic element" of intimacy and not just penetration, she would calm me, massage me, we would have a sort of tantric experience...however, it would privately tear me up that I could not get an erection....I could not lead, control or even really share fully the experience....that I wanted.

For reference I ensured any alcohol in take was minimal (one glass of wine), or even none on a couple of occasions.

We split two weeks ago, it shocked me and shattered me, in my mind sex was a contributing factor although she said it was not at all (she was a widow who could not let her husband go).

OK, so today, I have my first date since...and constantly on my mind is, "what is the point?"

This site has given me hope that ultimately there are solutions...but this is step 1 I guess in this world....should I persevere with Viagra (took approx 5 times) or Cialis (twice)?....return to my Doc, and seek a consultation with a specialist...the anxiety is the dating element, I think with a long term understanding partner it obviously takes away that concern...and now it has become all consuming in my mind, I even call myself derisory names when I get angry.

Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

Welcome to the forum.

I agree that you should see specialists. See a good urologist that has a practice that deals with ED. Also consider a mental health specialist but be leery of one that just wants to push drugs.

See a specialist.

If you use the search function to look for the name of major cities near you, or your state, you may find other guys near you who can recommend docs they have seen.

I'd personally take the Viagra and take matters into my own "hands" over several attempts. If ya still struggling and the specialist has ruled out any fixable solutions, don't hesitate to get the implant and just move on...Life is too short. For more context, I'm 51 and just had my implant installed so don't know exactly what's to come.

Being a cycling, is it possible you have pudental neuropathy or nerve impingement?

You may want to request a doppler ultrasound, which could dx venous leakage. If pills dont work you can try injections. Last option is an implant.

Welcome to the forum, Gaston61 and thanks for asking our advice.

Bldoink's advice on psychological evaluation/help is good. You had erectile function up until a major life change (2014 loss of your wife - was that divorce or death?) Then, three years later evidence of E.D. with a partner. You get erections on your own, but not with a partner. That screams psychological cause. Perhaps (I speculate) a crisis of confidence or conscience. Counselling may help sort that out and dispel the problem without use of drugs or surgery.

I read decades ago that bicycle seats can damage blood vessels in a man's pelvis that supply the blood for erections. A doppler ultrasound could verify your blood supply is adequate. The fact that you do get erections on your own suggest this is not the case, but you did mention bike racing.

Welcome to the best place to get answers for guys like us!
Find a good URO and discuss your issue with him/her. I would try the injections before jumping to an implant. Much cheaper if the injections take care of the problem. As I always ask a new person, are you a veteran? If you are and decide to go with the injections I can probably save you a ton of money. I am 74 and started injections 2 years ago. I am lucky that I only need a small dose, 10 units, to get a rock hard erection that will last almost 2 hours. The injections are for the most part, painless although sometimes you feel the little prick. I injected last night with a 1/2 inch needle and did not even feel it go into my cock. I had a very hard boner in 10 minutes although we waited an hour before even starting foreplay and I still maintained a rock hard erection for almost another hour. So there is something to be said for injections.
I am sorry to hear how things are turning out for you. Maybe you will find that "perfect" partner that understands ED and is willing to work with you to achieve the best possible relationship, be it sexual or whatever.

The Best of Luck to You.
The Duck.

Thanks all so much for your support and advice.

I think one step at a time clearly, I’ll return to my doctor and push for an escalation for evaluation, to a urologist or specialist?

My doctor agrees with you Lost Sheep, it does scream a psychological cause, but when it persists, even with a partner that makes me soooo relaxed, I start to doubt. But physically I prove regularly that all is ok, unless there is a different physiological process when with a partner (why should the arousal process be different?).

As for excess cycling impacts, yes, this was suspected as a cause once upon a time, but gets completely dismissed these days from medics.

I think I’ll feel better if I could have tests on where the missing link(s) may be in that chain....so I need that consultation.

Thanks all again! You have made me feel better already.