FrankTalk.org

Hi. I'm glad to have found this forum, though I feel a bit desperate having to post on the Internet.

I'm 46. I am overweight (275 and should be 225) but pretty athletic and active. Resting heart rate at 48-52, low blood pressure, and all my blood tests always come back fine. No cholesterol issues, no signs of diabetes, etc.

In 2019 I had a vasectomy that did NOT go well (super painful on the left side - several months before it stopped hurting) but the doctor that did it said nothing went wrong and my doctor at the time had this "suck it up, buttercup" attitude. I really don't know if it was related to my current issues or not. I had a couple of instances before that where I couldn't perform well, but not many and I just chalked that up to being in my 40's. But since then, things have gotten progressively worse.

In late 2020 I was hit by a truck while out for a walk and I've had back issues since then. Again, I don't know if that's related at all. I couldn't have sex after that (or even walk) for a few months, but eventually things settled down.

My wife's only "workable" position is with her on top. I've never minded, because I was always pretty proud of the fact she would climax almost 100% of the time, but only in that position. We enjoyed other positions, but nothing else ever got her to climax. So it really sucked that after that accident, I would get pain in that position and end up losing my erection before she could finish.

But in the last few months, the pain is mostly gone... and I still couldn't last in that position. I started to notice I couldn't really feel anything in that position. And it rapidly got worse. We tried a few weeks ago and I literally was like, "I can't even tell I have a penis right now". I had no idea if I was erect or not, because I couldn't feel anything (I wasn't... she said it went from hard to soft in a few seconds after changing positions).

Ok fine, I start to figure maybe I have some nerve damage from the accident. Maybe that can be worked out.

But then it seems to have gotten worse to where she was going down on me this morning and I was enjoying it mentally and visually, but I could barely perceive any sensation. Up until then, I had no problem in that position. That was also the first time I couldn't finish by hand (despite her amazing assistance). I just gave up and felt so ashamed.

There's more. At one point after my vasectomy had "healed" I had some discomfort in one of my testicles. At night it really got achy and I swear it started to change color. I though about going to the hospital, but a few minutes later it was fine. The pain was actually sort of behind the ball. Looking at a diagram, I'd say it was the epididymis. Fast forward to a few days ago, and the same thing happened! But worse... it was super painful to try to tie my shoes or get in/out of the car. This time I did go to the hospital. When I went to give a urine sample, I noticed by skin was very dark, almost purple. It was busy though and they didn't get me in to a doctor for several hours and it went back to normal colour and not nearly as painful by then. Urine test was fine, ultrasound was clear. But again, they didn't see it when it was at its worse. No follow-up... they said if it happened again just take some Advil. I'm not sure this "free healthcare" (I'm in Canada) affords us top-quality!

I've had my testosterone checked just the week before and they say that's normal. I've tried Viagra and Cialis and neither seemed to do anything at all other than make my nose stuffy (which then was super distracting and made performance worse). I tried a ring, and that seemed like a winner because man it made it rock hard... but again, totally dead when I went on my back. I've been doing regular kegel exercises for about 2 weeks but it obviously didn't help with this morning's fail. If it is a pelvic floor issue though, I realize I have to keep that up more than 2 weeks.

I have a feeling I have multiple things going on. My regular doctor just seems to think I've lost interest in sex with my wife, but that seems like a weird attitude and I think he's projecting his own situation. I love my wife, and I still think she's hot. But I think if you swapped her with a 20 something cover model it wouldn't make a difference here. On the other hand, I'll admit that I can still finish myself with some porn... but I can also finish myself closing my eyes and thinking of her doing things she does do, so I don't think its just that I'm bored or unfulfilled. On that note - finishing myself isn't 100% like it used to be. A) I don't feel the desire NEARLY as much as I did just a couple years ago and B) it takes more... effort. Sometimes it just feels like I'm doing it just to prove I can.

There's a private clinic in town that I can go to for $200 for an "assessment", but she warned me on the phone that the treatments cost $4k to $10k. I think its like shockwave therapy.

Ps. I never ever heard of "implants" before coming to this forum. No idea if that's a thing where I am? Seriously, never heard of it. Sounds scary to me. I admit it also sounds like maybe that's really what this forum is for... directing people to implant providers. More than a few posts here read like sales pitches and fake Amazon reviews, while some serious posts seem to go ignored. Hope I'm wrong because I feel like I don't have a lot of places to turn for advice right now.

Where are you in Canada

I have had several bouts with epididymitis. I had radiation to my prostate because of prostate cancer. My urologist thought it was because I was straining too much to pee and some pee got into the region. Whatever! It was very painful. It is treatable with antibiotics, but it takes a while. My uro said that he had guys come to him that had already been to several other doctors, but it takes time. It seems that yours comes and goes, but you might try persuading a doctor to give you an antibiotic for down there--hopefully head off the chronic stage.
I do not think your problems are in your head. Life happens and takes it toll. Wishing you all the best and healing.

You might read through our Anorgasmia (delayed ejaculation) topic. It seems that this loss of sensitivity can happen to guys as young as in their forties. I started developing this at age 74, and figured it was age. My urologist said he knows of nothing to put on the glans to renew sensitivity, but saw in my medical record that I have scoliosis (crooked spine). He said that it's a long shot, but it might be a pinched nerve, so I've been doing some "anti-scoliosis" exercises that I found on YouTube. Nothing so far, but I read that scoliosis takes a long time to straighten out. I'll post in the Anorgasmia topic if I get any results.

So you might ask a neurologist to X-ray you for this. If anorgasmia happened after the accident, it sounds like a pinched nerve is a possibility. Here in US, we run to lawyers when hurt in accidents, and hopefully collect big judgements. If you did that successfully, you might have enough money to bypass the health service and get faster treatment from private doctors.

The general view here on FT is that private mens' clinics using versions of "wave therapy" are taking some thousands of dollars up front and not producing results. See our Penile Physical Therapy topic.

An implant won't help much if you have anorgasmia. You can please her any time, of course, but you can't cross the finish line. That's my current situation.

Keep us posted; you'll get good comments here.

Wow! My vasectomy was Sept. 2016 and took me at least 5 months to feel somewhat normal! It also was the worst ! I had peas,corn, and ice packs always close by 24/7. I never got my first case epididymitis until 2020 but I got hydrocell only in my right ball. That was very sore and sensitive and had a lump you could feel that just scares the shit out of you... as your like wtf is that! I also have a freaking stupid smoking hot wife and 3 boys too. I went thru ED starting at 35. I quit taking pain meds as my pain doctor wpuld never try to help me but give me pain killers from a hetski accident in 2001 till 2014! I hate pills and wanted to do it, to really feel like I could be n control and not have a vice on me.
I never took them all.. mostly would trade or barter as back then you could get a roof done for a handful! At least here in redneck Kentucky. But wow that was super hard to conquer as I was in them for over 10 yrs. Within 5 months of stopping pain meds i goy my 1st ever loss of erection! My wife didnt think nothing of it that time... but within one month it happened about 4 more x! I was losing my MOJO and then "IT" took over! The "it" was my sex anxiety! It was like flu like fever chills.. my lil buddy down there would shribblenup and be like a turtle ! Omg... i was so embarrassed and I couldn't convince my wife that IT WASNT HER! SHE WOULD CRY AND SAY IM NOT BEAUTIFUL ANYMORE! I literally felt like suicide could be in the midst and Ibhave never in a million years thought that...EVER! im tough as nails and have the hardest life with tragedy and heartache that made me a rock! But... when your hot sexy wife whobis fukn amazing looks at you and says our sex life sucks! It hit me... I too came here and felt same way about somex people wanna help u... others just want to see a bunch of dicks! Whatever floats your boat.. but I generally wanted help and if I could offer any do that also!
I since September 2020 have had epididymitis over 20x! Antibiotics is what they give and it has to take its course! Usually 3-6 weeks. Also weird thing is...im not naive and know my wife could cheat on me... but really I truly think she never would! IM 42 AND hav3 been w her since 1998 thru thick & thin! But epididymitis is 90% caused by STDs! The other 10% is infection! I truly think my vasectomy never either got closed all the way as in all these yrs only the right side has the pain and it fukn sucks! I recently saw a video and a similar situation happened to a guy and fishoil helped him. I now take a very high dose of non burping fishoil and have ve been pretty good literally until last week as I got a UTI and 2 days after i had it and started the antibiotics.. my epididymitis flared up!
I hope this can help and trust me there are a lot of us who have been thru what u have! God bless you