New territory here

[Ratt19]

I posted this in the general section, but now I am here looking for help.

I am with a brand new partner. She knows that I have Erectile Dysfunction and that I am currently taking testosterone to see if getting my low numbers (206)
up to allow me to function with oral medications. Injections are on the table if I can't wait.

I am able to masturbate to orgasm while viewing porn by myself.

I can get partial erections that are firm enough to penetrate, but I cannot sustain them. She is OK with little intercourse and we plan on trying cock rings.

We have been intimate together only two days this past weekend. This was our first time together. I was unable to ejaculate both nights with her going down on
me and using her hand. The pleasure was super intense, but I couldn't climax.

The whole weekend has gotten into my head now. What if I can't ejaculate with her? What if my ED problem is solved and I can't ejaculate then? What am I doing wrong now? How do I fix this?

We plan on spending time together this week and weekend. She is on her cycle this week, so I am the focus.

Even though she has assured me that she is with me and patient, I am worried that in time if this continues that she is going to leave.

Anyone have any advise? Why can I ejaculate by myself and not with a beautiful woman working on me?

[60s_surfer]

I share your frustration; many times, I have been extremely close to ejaculating as my wife is stimulating my cock but I couldn't quite get there. In my case, though, I can't even get there masturbating myself. You, at least, can still get a release. I suggest that you build on that capability. Dream back through one of your DIY sessions and try to isolate what factor(s) allowed you to ejaculate. Did you use a particular grip or a rapid stroke that helps? If so, maybe your new partner can try that. Is there a particular fantasy in the porn that you are watching that really turns you on? Maybe you and your new partner can create it. Another technique is for you to stroke yourself until you are very close and then let her take over. You might have to cycle back and forth a couple of times between your stimulation and your partners until you get there. The general idea is to start where you are and then gradually build out from there.

The other point is to make sure that she is getting what she needs. Between your fingers, lips and tongue, there are an enormous number of ways to pleasure a woman even if you don't have a useable erection.

[notaes]

I have been where you are many time not being able to ejaculate. Anorgasmia or whatever you wish to call not being able to climax. I tried my with everything i had in me not to make a big deal out of this hoping it was a short term thing for whatever reason. I tried cabergoline for awhile without any success. I have learned the bigger i make the mountain in my head the worse these sexual things can get. The best advice i could give you is try not to put anymore pressure on yourself as this just makes matters worse. I never did get anythng that made any difference. It just got better with time. I just had tried to tell myself that as i get older climaxing has gotten harder for me. To add insult to injury i have had a number of back surgeries several years ago and i think my back just causes me problems periodically. Now i am able to cum pretty good and usually have pretty good sex. I am using trimix now and scheduled for an implant in January. I wish you the best of luck. I wish i could say or do something to at least make you feel better as i know how i felt during the times i experienced this kind of Anorgasmia. Just do the best you can when you can and usually if we communicate honestly with our partner they are pretty damn understnading. I know we guys love our cocks and worship them. My wife has told me a thousand times women dont marry men for their cocks they marry the man inside that body. She is a pretty smart woman. sometimes i think we men would be better off if we didnt foucs on our cocks as much as we do. But that is what makes us men. Best of Luck to you!

[Whodat]

My thoughts....a new relationship may require some time to get comfortable with each other. My experience with my current gf did take almost a year to figure out what was the ultimate pleasure we could deliver to each other. ( we do live apart and visit often but sexually once a week ). Turned my attention to what pleasured her the most and forgot about my needs. The TONGUE !! She orgasms 2-5 times quickly with the tongue. I give her that first then I know she is satisfied when she calls it quits then can concentrate on enjoying her working on me after she gets a brief rest while I go the bathroom and inject. Some times (although it takes a while ) I cum while she is sucking and handjobing.
But as I lay back with eyes closed it is pure pleasure. Then my preference is when feeling very excited flip her to the missionary position and start pounding.
Anorgasmia has somewhat set in but when I say loudly " fuckme...fuckme" she obliges with jack hammer body movements that I can orgasm in 15 seconds. The bottom line was finally figuring out what she liked most to satisfy her and get that out of the way..
She says a woman would never leave a man with a good tongue.

[bldoink]

I will repeat and elaborate on my reply posted in your original post in the "General" sub-forum.

There have been some pretty good response to your questions.

Copied from other sub-forum thread
"Have you experimented with cock rings for help maintaining your erection? Lots of different grades of varying quality. Some strictly for novelty but many also help with erections, even those from sex shops that technically are novelty rings. The jelly rings are, IMHO, a waste of time. A fairly strong silicone ring is the ticket for me. Medical grade rings can help too if you want to go that way. As for the anorgasmia I don't have a good answer. If she's up for it a little anal stimulation while she's going down might push you over the top. I don't think injections will help with anorgasmia."
End copied section.

Please read through as many of the older threads on this and related topics as you can stand. There's some gems of information to be found. There has been quite a bit written on cock rings, constriction rings or novelty rings. Read them.

Yeah, I think some of your issue is mental. It always is. Be honest with your girl but don't be insecure or weak. You can acknowledge and be honest about a problem you're hoping she will work through with you, but still be a manly man. Most women don't want an insecure or weak willed man, at least not for long. Approach it with openness, honesty and humor, and not insecurity. Make sure she is otherwise satisfied.

I use injections and love them but with me, short of an implant, it ain't gunna happen without them. Well a VED with very tight medical constriction rings does work but isn't ideal in my book. Like I said, I love injections but other than giving you a boost of confidence, which could help, I guess, I don't think they will help with any anorgasmia and maybe worsen it. But if you physically need injections to get or hold an erection, well go get them, they can work great.

If necessary, I still wouldn't take a little anal stimulation off the table. Try a little gentle finger or vibrator anal stimulation on her, go slow. If she likes it, and she likely will if introduced properly, she might readily reciprocate while going down on you. That can sometimes be an amazing aide in pushing you over the top.

I'm an expert on nothing. If your moral and or religious scruples are offended by my suggestions or you find them distasteful, then I apologize. The capability of satisfying regular, unaided by drug or device, missionary position sex is, of course, the gold standard. I can actually vaguely remember those days.

[oldbeek]

I find receiving oral With her head sideways on a pillow and me in the doggy position thrusting into her mouth from the side. In this position I can also finger her pussy. The pleasure is so intense with her fingers lightly rubbing my balls I can explode in 60 seconds. Relaxing on the couch and her working as you see in most porn videos I have never come that way. Sometimes even go soft.

[Ratt19]

First, thank you for all the replies, this forum and it's support is amazing.

So my urologist and my psychologist have given me their opinions and they agree on the diagnoses.

Let me give you a super quick glimpse into my life and what has happened to get me to this point. Skipping a lot of details.

I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder at thirty after having been misdiagnosed for six months as major depression. Having
the "Bi-Polar" label back then was a death sentence. I concluded that I would never find love, so I pushed every woman or
friend away. Better to be alone than to tell people your secret and watch them walk away. I was wrong.

Suddenly at forty-five I wake up and realize that I can be loved. But I lost fifteen years. Fifteen.

So i start dating. Things have really changed. I meet a woman that accepts me for everything I am. She knows about the ED and the DE.
She's amazing.

So back to the diagnoses. I am being told that I am suffering DE because of habitual masturbation. The position of my body, the sensation of touch,
and the porn that was exciting me have all changed. The directions for helping to solve the issue is to abstain from any masturbation and any
viewing of porn. It's not a problem for me. I mean I went fifteen years without sex, I think I can control my baser urges.

Hopefully in time this eases the situation.

Thank you again to everyone here, I truly appreciate your help.

[medhatg]

I posted this in the general section, but now I am here looking for help.

I am with a brand new partner. She knows that I have Erectile Dysfunction and that I am currently taking testosterone to see if getting my low numbers (206)
up to allow me to function with oral medications. Injections are on the table if I can't wait.

I am able to masturbate to orgasm while viewing porn by myself.

I can get partial erections that are firm enough to penetrate, but I cannot sustain them. She is OK with little intercourse and we plan on trying cock rings.

We have been intimate together only two days this past weekend. This was our first time together. I was unable to ejaculate both nights with her going down on
me and using her hand. The pleasure was super intense, but I couldn't climax.

The whole weekend has gotten into my head now. What if I can't ejaculate with her? What if my ED problem is solved and I can't ejaculate then? What am I doing wrong now? How do I fix this?

We plan on spending time together this week and weekend. She is on her cycle this week, so I am the focus.

Even though she has assured me that she is with me and patient, I am worried that in time if this continues that she is going to leave.

Anyone have any advise? Why can I ejaculate by myself and not with a beautiful woman working on me?

I hear you brother. Been there, tried it all until I decided to take the jump and get implanted. Do yourself a favor and do not waste your youth like I did. Happy to talk to you over PM or phone if you like.

[clayton2526]

I agree with medhatg, take the jump and you will be much happier. For me, it ended stress and anxiety which carried over into other areas of my life including work and self-esteem. Not to mention ending all the money you spend on gadgets and snake oils.

[niarceel]

Why your hand and not a beautiful woman?

Maybe the woman is not as fast as your hand, or maybe your hips are not as fast as your hand.

This is not a joke.

I've noticed that when I'm having difficulty orgasming, it's sometimes caused by my inability to move my hips, thrusting, fast enough to reach the threshold I need to meet. Moving most of my 170 pounds as fast as I can takes a lot of energy, energy that gets sapped from my penis.

So, if I have the right feeling but the intensity is not high enough, I'll stop fucking her for a moment, catch my breath, and use my hand at "lightning" speed to reach the intensity I need, then finish fucking us both to orgasms.

I don't like having to do this, but it's better than no orgasm at all and my wife understands it. I"m not 25 years old any more. My nerves, at least most of the good feeling ones, are not as sensitive as they used to be. So, I have to compensate to get them to reach the level of intensity that I need.

What I'm describing doesn't happen every day but it happens often enough for me to note it and comment about it here.

I have 2 other posts about anorgasmia that may help you:
https://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=13943
https://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=11080&p=123906#p123906