Do you still date or look for relationships if you have ED?

[steamfitter]

I was talking to a guy I work with, who is 45 and single. Good looking guy, has nice cars, house, rental properties, etc. I asked him if he's been dating or talking to any ladies, and he says no, and launches into a discussion about problems "with his junk" (ED, in other words). He has been on TRT and seeing an endocrinologist, and they think his ED is related to prolactin levels, and he is waiting to go back. Cialis and Viagra don't work for him anymore. He says "There's no point in dating if I can't get it up, what girl is gonna want a guy with that problem?"

I'm 38, single and childless. Dick still works with PDE5I drugs (not as good as before ED, but gets the job done). My fear is entering a relationship and knowing I may only have a few years until the drugs stop working, and then what? I am in a double bind. I've waited too long to get married and have kids (I started having major ED suddenly at 33, and this destroyed my dating life/confidence), there's fewer women left every day. There's no guarantee how long my dick is going to keep working, or what's going to happen after. It's become an obsession that's gotten in the way of me forming a relationship.

How have you been able to manage the fear/paranoia of dealing with this condition and still be able to date and form relationships? I can't imagine a burden more challenging for a man to bring to a new relationship than ED. I see there are 75 year old guys on here talking about how important sex is in their marriage, that is 35+ years away for me and it scares the crap out of me knowing that I might only have a few years until PDE5I drugs stop working for me.

[ViaSwiss]

I went through all the same issues. ED really fucks with you emotionally. I got a penile implant and wish I had done it 15 years ago.

[confused95]

Don’t let ED ruin your life.
I suffer from psychological ED and now my doctor has found a slight Peyronie’s. If needed I’ll get an implant, even though I’m just 26yo. So I do not really see any problems about getting one if you need one, independently by your age. Implants are getting better and better… so it’s likely you won’t need that many revisions in your lifetime

[Fran4524]

I am taking 40mg of tadalafil nowadays, and I am the first user in Tinder. I like to love and if I find a girl that I like her I will tell her about cialis without make a drama of it.

I am very confident about me, I see me as a handsome guy and I believe that it is the important. If drugs left work, I will get an implant and I wont have problem about telling of my bionic skills.

My penis dont talk about me, it doesnt define me. Once the girl who loves you acepts this, you dont have to worry about it…

Sorry for my english and stay strong!

[Al1962]

"steamfitter", Everything you just said.
I am 59 yrs old but the concerns are the same. This board does have all sorts of advice and success stories and I'm happy for those but it does not change my fears. I don't want to get involved and let someone down. They say women are understanding and sex doesn't have to be penetration, but they also admit that what makes good sex is a hard penis. At this age men and women are past family planning which means they either intend to remain single or they intend to date/marry for sex.
I don't know how to give a supportive response. I have sort of reserved my self to singlehood but do wish sex was more a part of my life. With Sildenafil I could manage once a week real good but twice a week would be a drain on me. Going "bionic" is not on my wish list.
I think your concerns are common.

[EveningWood]

Hi steamfitter and AL1962.

I am in the same camp as you both - I am wary of how this might go and whether would I ever have a long lasting relationship.


In short, I think that I have had ED since 17 (I am almost 33 now). During that time, I have turned down around 20 women (as strange as it sounds) - since the fear of disappointment is greater that the will to have sex. Those women were in my daily life - late high school, college/university, various workplaces or around the area I leave, etc. I believe that if I wasn't that introverted (a large part because of my ED), I would have had a multitude of that number of encounter/partner opportunities (and also tried my luck with most of them).


Last year, I built some courage and actually started dating a long term friend of mine(she was actually chasing me). That escalated pretty fast to seeing each other regularly, sex and had a potential for a relationship. Being fearful of my ED/disappointment, I only did oral to her on our two sex encounters, and I actually think that the lack of coitus was the reason she dumped me(or a huge part of it). Having different oral or kissing skills is a plus, but I strongly believe that penetration sex gives a whole different plethora of emotions to women, which cannot be emulated.


After that I also found and started reading this forum and other sources. Even a year later, I am still planning how to deal with this in the most effective way (I have not started yet), even though having had this for 16 years. I will be 33, so taking pills which would work 5-10 years at best kind of scares me, but it is a step that needs to be taken, in order to regain confidence and have sex at all.


At this point of my life I need to take action, or continue to miss on life and experiences as it has been up until now.


Best regards,
EveningWood

[Lost Sheep]

steamfitter

"There's no point in dating if I can't get it up, what girl is gonna want a guy with that problem?"

A good woman who enjoys your respect is likely to say, "Let me help with that."


I usually started out (when sex became a potential component of a relationship with a girl/woman) by saying, "My penis does not work as well as it should, but I will make every effort to make sure you are satisfied sexually." I followed up with whatever it took to enable her to feel good and to have orgasms.

Women are incredibly supportive if they feel desired, trusted, respected and safe. They respect a man who does not hide from difficulties. I went on a dating site and was honest about my inability to have sex and that I was intending to have an implant to fix that problem. My honesty and candor was commented on several times as "brave" and "refreshing".

Don't waste a day of a potential relationship just because sex may be difficult. There are other (and some are better) ways for a woman to have and to give orgasms. Also, orgasms are not the only joy of sex.

Life is too short to miss the joys of sex and too long to endure its absence.

I recall, even younger women (who, presumably do not have the maturity to appreciate the finer aspects of manhood and who also have a greater appetite for raw sex) are incredibly supportive if they feel desired, trusted, respected and safe.

When my E.D. began the transition towards impotence, I learned cunnilingus and how to use my hands and sexual aids (toys) to masturbate her. These skills (even after my implanted penis is unstoppable) are still useful and QUITE appreciated.

Trust her. Let her know by your words and actions that you want to please her and that trust her with your innermost secrets.

I understand that for a young man to admit to a sexual dysfunction might make him fear loss of reputation among his circle of friends. That is a risk. There is also the chance that having a penis that has no refractory period (by whatever means) might enhance his reputation - particularly among potential sex partners. Note also that women in your age range have certainly experienced men whose penises don't work that well. They will probably be understanding and accept you if you are brave enough to be honest.

[Sharpes]

I have had ED for 10 or 11 years now, complete ED, no erections what so ever, and using a pump and ring made a semi erection, but not enough for intercourse. Pills never did anything at all, and I never tried injections. I'm getting an implant in 2022. To your question, I was married two years ago, and have never had intercourse with my wife. I've gotten quite good at oral because of this. There are understanding women out there, but they seem to be far and few between...

I never used toys prior to my current wife, and that has helped as well. I also go to therapy, because no matter what she says, I don't feel like I'm meeting the "mans" basic duties in the bedroom.

When we were dating, I ended up going down on her and giving her an orgasm before mentioning the ED, wasn't sure how it would go over, obviously better than I expected...,