general advice for performance anxiety?

[a_little_deflated]

I've tried twice with casual hook ups and couldn't get it up. i don't understand why. i have a friend and the sex with her is amazing. no problems at all and i went into both of these hook ups totally confident that i could satisfy these women, yeah inwas nervous but don't know why. i know I can get the job done with any woman yet still nothing. im 36 had 16 year marriage, i had pe when i was younger but i learned how to deal with that. my friend I've been friends with for years so these where the first 2 hook ups i have had since I was a teenager but like I said. i knew i could do the job. any tips or advice would be appreciated cheers.

[Flavio]

Yes, I've battled sexual performance anxiety for 20+ years and I can assure you this is easily treatable. It will take some time and learning but you will get there.

A few tips:

a) Anxiety is a normal biological reaction but it may block sexual function: when you're in danger, the last thing you need is an erection (fight-or-flight response);

b) Sexual performance anxiety is extremely common, esp. among young men;

c) Do a lot of research on this subject: read books (I strongly recommend anything written by the brilliant urologist Tom F. Lue), read studies, consult your doctor. The more you know about sex, the less stressful it will be;

d) Seredyn is a wonderful anxiety supplement: there are no side effects and some of its ingredients (L-theanine, niacinamide) may even improve sexual function;

e) Oral meds may help but you should consult your doctor first.

f) Some simple techniques may be helpful: when I had a negative sexual experience, I used to avoid sex for some time just to control my anxiety levels.

g) A warm shower before sex can do wonders: it will relax you and improve blood circulation.

Please keep us posted on your progress. Good luck!

[Lost Sheep]

Welcome to the forum, a_little_deflated. Thanks for trusting us with your story and sharing your question.

Flavio's advice is good but left out one of the most important points.

Enlist the aid of your partner.

Sex is, at its best, a cooperative venture.

There is no substitute for an understanding and supportive partner who is as interested in relaxing you (so that you can enjoy the experience) as much as she is interested in enjoying the experience herself. This is most reliably achieved within a good relationship.

I suppose the second-most reliable way is to enlist the aid of a GOOD professional(not just some hooker or hookup, but one who is invested in YOUR pleasure). A sexual surrogate recommended by a sex counselor/sex therapist is a good choice. Or a good call girl, but these are expensive, I think.
Sometimes one can stumble across a sympathetic hookup (but these are rare),

[dtwarren1942]

I have found that relaxation is the best way to recover from performance anxiety. You perform well with your friend because you both know what to expect and there is total lack of stress. You need to take all potential stress off your performance with hookups. You need to avoid all distractions such as time and surroundings. Do not go in and focus on getting to orgasm or even penetration. Start by enjoying each other’s naked bodies and just let nature take its course.

[joeban]

"Flaviod) said or any generous soul"
"Seredyn is a wonderful anxiety supplement: there are no side effects and some of its ingredients (L-theanine, niacinamide) may even improve sexual function;:
1- What is a good and reliable source to get seredyn?
2- How do you use it from your experience prospective?
Thanks

[Martin6469]

Good advice from all. But add a Viagra or its much cheaper generic, sildenafil, an hour before action.

[Al1962]

Maybe you are not meant to be a hook up type guy.
Maybe your friend is more important to you than you realize.
Go have sex with your friend.