Performance anxiety

[FroggyFresh21]

Hi everyone. I wanted to share a little bit about me and get advice on handling performance anxiety. I am 34 years old. Since I was 16 I have always had performance anxiety the first time I was with any women, though I didn't know it was performance anxiety at the time. With my very first girlfriend I had trouble getting it up the first time and I think maybe several attempts say that. After things got going I never had trouble again. We were together 5 years. When we eventually split up, I met a girl who I attempted to have sex with. Again the first time, I was not able to get it up and we never met again after this encounter. Not too much later I met my current ex-wife. The first time we were together I was not able to get it hard. I think it took 2 weeks of trying before we were able to successfully have intercourse. But again, after things got going I was fine for another 5 years with this woman. When we split up years later and I started dating somebody I had trouble with her the first time and maybe 2 weeks later. And again once things got going I never had trouble getting it up for 6 years.

It is always the first time or several times that I have trouble getting an erection. After I split up with my girlfriend I Attempted to have sex with two other women and was not able to get it up with either of them. Most recent I had sex with a woman who I have known for 3 years and feel very comfortable with. We talked about sex openly and I told her that I normally have an issue the first time. When it came time and we engaged in intercourse I struggle to get it up but eventually did and was able to come on the first try with her. I think because I felt comfortable with her though not completely comfortable.

Performance anxiety is what I believe is the root of the problem. I don't want to go on struggling on the first time and always humiliating myself. Does anybody have any advice to help me with this issue?

[Martin6469]

Do you use Viagra?

[FroggyFresh21]

Do you use Viagra?

I have not. Would doctor prescribe it for performance anxiety?

[Lost Sheep]

Do you use Viagra?

I have not. Would doctor prescribe it for performance anxiety?

Would depend on the doctor and how you ask the question. I know others on FrankTalk have been prescribed medications to treat anxiety-related ED because, as the theory goes, once you have the chemical boost to get a good erection even in the face of anxiety, the anxiety goes away. Whether that boost is psychological of physical is irrelevant. Most medical professionals are here to help their patients live better. By any means that works.

[Martin6469]

I think any doctor can prescribe Viagra, or its much cheaper generic, sildenafil, for performance anxiety, since there is now 23 years of experience with it, and important side effects are very few. In my opinion, it will get you "over the hump," as Lost Sheep says more elegantly. My guess is that urologists see this problem in younger guys a few times a day, and general practitioners a few times a week, so don't be shy - call a doc and when the receptionist says "What's your problem?" say "Sex problem." To the doc, say "Performance anxiety." He'll want to do basic checks like blood pressure, etc., and then you'll get a prescription. It comes in three dosages: 100, 50, and 25mg.

When I was twenty or so I had performance anxiety until I figured out that my subconscious requires partners with my body type: thin. Trying to do chubby girls didn't work, whereas I was fine with "Twiggies." As Freud tells us, our subconsciousness controls our lives!

[FroggyFresh21]

So it happened again last night for me. I had a good date with a girl that I've been seeing for a few months. We came back to my house and when it came time to get busy I could not get an erection. I even had Viagra prescribed to me by my doctor. I took one as soon as we got to my house. We sat down and watch TV for an hour or so before we took it to the bedroom. Even the Viagra wasn't enough to get me an erection. This is really frustrating and disappointing for me. I'm not sure what else to do. It seems to have something to do with my level of comfort with the girl I'm sleeping with, but how is anyone comfortable with somebody the first time. I was thinking about taking two next time and see if that helps. I know if I can get it up the first time the next time won't be a problem. It's just that my mind starts racing and I can't relax. She said she was going to come over later today so I guess we will try again. Really looking for any help or advice from anybody who's been in a similar situation.

[Simbarn]

So it happened again last night for me. I had a good date with a girl that I've been seeing for a few months. We came back to my house and when it came time to get busy I could not get an erection. I even had Viagra prescribed to me by my doctor. I took one as soon as we got to my house. We sat down and watch TV for an hour or so before we took it to the bedroom. Even the Viagra wasn't enough to get me an erection. This is really frustrating and disappointing for me. I'm not sure what else to do. It seems to have something to do with my level of comfort with the girl I'm sleeping with, but how is anyone comfortable with somebody the first time. I was thinking about taking two next time and see if that helps. I know if I can get it up the first time the next time won't be a problem. It's just that my mind starts racing and I can't relax. She said she was going to come over later today so I guess we will try again. Really looking for any help or advice from anybody who's been in a similar situation.

I think it might be helpful for you to go and see a sex therapist. They will help teach you ways to think differently in these initial situations with a new partner. Some men have a predisposition to be affected by the inhibitive influence in the penis much more so than others.
Possibly what’s happened here is you have built strong pathways in the mind that keep running in these new encounters, an anxiety has developed. It takes some work to build new pathways and you may need professional help to teach you ways to do this.
The sympathetic inhibitive function in the penis is very strong, sometimes PDE5i are not strong enough to overcome it, even when the penis is perfectly healthy. There is nothing wrong with you, so you can relax about that, this is more common than you think. Some guys get over it relatively quickly when confidence increases, others get stuck in a loop, which I think you have. The good thing is you know you can get over this, the fact that you “know” this is because you have built strong neural pathways that reinforce this in your mind, that eventually overcome the inhibitive one you experience initially.

[Flavio]

[...] It is always the first time or several times that I have trouble getting an erection. [...]

This is perfectly normal.

If you still don't feel totally comfortable with a new partner, it's only natural that anxiety gets in the way of sex. And I know from personal experience that even the slightest variations in mood can have a drastic impact on erections.

I'm sure you don't need any medication and, like Simbarn said, a sex therapist may be helpful. You just need to find ways to control your anxiety levels. Research on this subject may help, too: the more you know about sex, the less stressul it will be.