New Member - My story

[jimmy Conner]

Hi everyone - I am new here, but been dealing with ED for the past 10+ years. I am 42 years old and it started when I was around 31.

At age 31, I made the worst mistake of my life. I did a cycle of anabolic steroids. I didnt think it would be a big deal, considering that most users abuse it, taking it for months and do several cycles. Many people I knew at the time, including some close friends had tried cycling with steroids and they all seemed to have recovered just fine. I did a short cycle - 2.5 weeks (which really is insignificant). I dont even remember the type of steroid it was, its been so long.

I will never forget how my dick felt when I got off the cycle. It literally went numb. I had no feeling there similar to how one feels after they ejaculate. It would take lots of stimulation to get an erection. For the following 2 years, I had what I would classify as moderate to severe ED and I stopped getting morning erections. During this time, I was losing my mind and feeling helpless. However, I was also hoping that perhaps things would resolve on its own and that my body needed time for the testosterone to go back to baseline. Unfortunately, my ED never fully recovered

During the first 2 years, I did seek help from doctors but was just so frustrated with their lack of knowledge. I dont blame them, its not often they see a steroid user come in with ED. They just seemed to lack any experience in this area.

During that first 2 years, I saw an endocronologist I will never forget how insensitive this guy was. He told me that my testosterone levels were in the "low end" but still within normal range, Told me that I would just have to accept my current condition and just accept the fact that I have ED now. Like its no big deal and to just move on with my life. Thinking back, I regret not lashing out at his insensitive comments. I had so much stress after that day and lost sleep for about a month.

I also saw a urologist who never really took any tests other than doing a physical check of my penis and testicles. He confirmed everything was OK and said that its probably in my head. Totally dismissed it, probably because I was too young and very healthy to have ED.

Over the years subsequent to this, I have felt so helpless and just tried to focus on my career to keep my mind off of this. I am still single, havent gotten laid in years, and have not attempted to even get into a relationship because of my situation. I am so scared at the idea of getting into relationship knowing I am unable to perform for someone I will end up having deep feelings for. My 30's have been the worst years of my life and now that I am in my early 40's, things are still not looking good. I would say this has really destroyed a big part of my life. I feel like I have been robbed from my youth. Its such death sentence to have to deal with this at a young age.

Fast forward today, I am 42 now, and I feel like such a failure. All my friends have wives and kids now, and I am the odd one out. Many people are also so surprised to find out that I am single especially since I am someone thats never really had problems getting girls before I had ED. I am financially successful and I do get lots of interests from girls but I never reciprocate or follow through. I am just too embarrassed. When people ask - how are you still single? I always make up the excuse that I am just too busy, dont care about having kids, but deep down I want this so bad.

I joined FT because I want to try to regain control of my life again. I cant keep running from my problems. Over the years, I do feel like my Ed has slightly improved, although its nowhere near what it was before I took steroids. I still dont wake up with morning erections, my libido is pretty low, and I need lots of stimulation to get a erection. Some days are better than others.

I feel like I have all the symptoms of low testosterone and want to get a proper diagnoses and actually try something to treat it. I have always been opposed to TRT since it makes one infertile, but given my current age, and the fact that I am still single, I may have to just accept the fact that I wont ever have kids. So TRT is now something I would pursue. I even hear clomid might help as well.

I am sure some guys will ask - why not just take ED pills? I do NOT want to be reliant on pills because I know they will eventually lose their efficacy and I cant bear the thought of being in a relationship knowing that my intimacy is on a ticking time bomb. Its well documented that ED pills will stop working at a certain point and I cant bare the thought of being in love with someone and not being able to fuck them - that would fuck me up mentally on a entirely different level. Its my biggest fear. I also cant bear the thought of getting an implant. I dont judge people who have one, its just not for me. I dont have the confidence like some guys have here to be able to date with it. I guess I am too insecure with myself, I dont know. I couldnt bear the idea of anyone finding out. It would destroy my already low self esteem.

Anyways guys, this is my story. I will be posting more over the next few weeks to ask for peoples opinions, suggestions, etc.. I will also provide assistance to anyone I can help.

As a final note, can someone please recommend a GREAT UROLOGIST that specializes in ED? Someone that can do all the tests - doppler, nocturnal erection tests, etc.. Please give some suggestions. I live in a small city and while there are many URO's here, none of them seems to specialize in ED. I want to talk to a URO that handles ED day in and day out. I dont care if I have to travel for this. I want my life back and I am going to try to find a solution.

Thanks for reading guys. Appreciate it. We will get through this.

[confused95]

Great to meet you mate.
Sorry you have to go through this shit and I read that you have been suffering for 11 years so far… awful.
The thing is, and that’s just my 2cents, that we don’t live forever and you have been living a nightmare.
But I see you have not even tried PDE5, which usually is the first thing you try when you have erectile issues.
I get that they might loose efficacy along the years, but you should not care that much since you cannot perform now.
If PDE5 do not work you can go for an implant, that’s a huuuuuge thing indeed, but it can restore your confidence and heal your broken soul. There are some guys here suffering from post finasteride syndrome (similar to what you are experimenting), that overcame their problems with an implant and are now happy and super relaxed when it comes to sex.
Stay strong bro, and don’t lose any more time

[Cajun Jeff]

Jimmy, welcome to FT, I have to agree a limp Dick really sucks. We loose our self confidence of being a MAN. Like Confused said try the options. I was limp for 10 plus years. Did all the tricks. Pump, pills, injections and yes moved to implant. I do love my implant and find myself normal at last again.

Best of luck on finding what works for you. Feel free to private message any on on the board. Best wishes!

[AnotherOldMan]

Welcome to FT.

There is some discussion as to whether PDE5's lose their effectiveness over the years of use or whatever is going on with our bodies that causes ED symptoms gets worse through time making PDE5's less effective. I guess it doesn't really matter.

I used PDE5's, Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis, for quite a few years until the side effects from having to use increased doses caused me to look for other methods.

I would suggest finding a decent Urologist with whom you are comfortable, possibly one that specializes in ED.
In the meantime, you may benefit from exercising with a pump. It sounds as if it has been 10 years or more since oxygenated blood has nourished your penile tissues. If you decide to start exercises, there is tons of info on FrankTalk on exercises. Just go SLOW and EASY when you start. Whatever you do you don't want to cause further harm.

[Old Guy]

Sorry ED hit you at such a young age. It is one of the worse things a man has to suffer through.
Your research is correct about pills losing their efficacy after a while. Viagra worked for me for about 3 years but I had to increase the dose from 50 to 100mg. Then even 100mg failed and gave me migraines. Went to injections next and that was about the same. They worked good for a couple years then had to start increasing the dose. Even at high dosages that began to have failures. In all it was like going through ED over and over.
Since my implant life has been sweet. It's great not having to think about popping a pill or jumping out of bed to go inject. Takes me just a few seconds to inflate and it's go time.
There are a lot of docs who think a young man can't have ED. When you run into one of those guys it's time to walk out the door. Hopefully you will find a good uro who takes you seriously.

[jimmy Conner]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Yes, I agree, I need to find a good urologist. Thats really my goal right now. If you can recommend one in North America, I would appreciate that.

One member mentioned that I should do Pumps. Do I really need to do this? Although I dont get morning erections, I sometimes do gett a soft erection in the morning. I also masturbate frequently mostly because I know I have to keep using it to keep it healthy.

I also am able to get fully hard if I attempt to self please, but again, sometimes it requires lots of stimulation. SO I am assuming that will accomplish the same thing as the pump. I dont feel like I have lost any size in the past 10 years.

One other thing that I forgot to mention is that, If I am stimulating myself, I can get an erection most of the times, especially, if I am laying on my back. If I stand up, its really hard to maintain the erection. I am terrified that this could be the dreaded VL. The thing is, I never had any problems with a VL before the steroid use so it would seem odd to develop that problem with a cycle of steroids.

Anyways, I know I can speculate forever, so I am going to try to get a proper diagnoses.

Again, Please guys, if you know a really good URO, I would really appreciate any suggestions. I am willing to travel anywhere within North America. I want a proper diagnoses. I feel like I never got one yet.

Thanks

[Spontaneous1]

I would, as others have suggested, start using a pump at least a couple times a week just to get fresh oxygen to your penile tissues. You get the nocturnal erections each night because it's the body's way of self-maintenance for the penis. I would also try the PDE5's, especially the Cialis. I've found that it will affect me for 3-4 days after using it. My uro told me that sometimes we just need a jump start, it won't hurt to try, and you're not going to get addicted to them, so if you don't like them after you've tried them, don't use them!

You're missing out on your life my friend, and we all get it, but you have options don't give up. As far as having kids, don't give up on that either, I haven't heard you say anything about being sterile so the options are still on the table. I feel bad for your situation, but you are too young to let life pass you by. Find a good uro, go from there, and let us know if we can help you further. There are a lot of great guys on here who've been down the same road.

[jimmy Conner]

@spontaneous - thanks brother for your reply.

I am grateful to have found this community. Wish I had known about it before, I probably would have seeked help much earlier.

Another thing guys is that I really dont have a URO here that can help. As I said, there are only 4-5 urologists in my small city and none of them have the experience I want.

Guys - can you please suggest a URO that I can go to? All the implant URO's that everyone talks about, I dont think they are good for me since their speciality is implants and not necessarily a diagnoses. I want someone who knows how to find the ROOT cause of my problem, rather than just tell me to take ED pills. They should be able to run all the tests. Some URO's dont even have all the tests in their clinc.

I understand everyone here wants to stay anonymous, myself included. IF someone does not want to publicly disclose a URO on this thread, would it be Ok if I PM you? If you have a good one you can recommend, please PM. I would be extremely grateful.

Please let me know guys. Thanks

[Alan810]

Jimmy Conner: Many of us have gone thru what you are to various degrees. The last thing you can do is to never give up. I have a good Uro for urinary and prostate issues, but he's not much help on ED (pills). I experimented and directed his as to what I was doing with and experimenting. I'm 82 and have had ED problems for around 30 years. Most often, not able to get an erection. When I was able to get one, or a partial, I was unable to sustain it. Couple that with a wife of 40 years that lost her interest probably due to my ED.

Anyway, I never gave up. I went thru Viagra, Cialis and Levitra. Cialis worked best but at best the erection was weak and or short duration. I also had various undesirable reactions to the pills. Next came injections. Once I overcame giving myself a shot with the help of an inexpensive automatic injector, I was sometimes able to achieve sometimes weak, short duration erection. My Uro increased the Trimix to double strength and that help some, once in a while it leaked back out of my penis and into my groin which was uncomfortable for an hour or so.

Finally came the VED pumps, of which I tried several. I finally was able to get a good strong erection in the tube which died immediately upon withdrawal. I was afraid to use rings (Those tiny things on my penis? How could you ever remove them?) Finally worked up the nerve to try one with a VED and it seem to help. Tried different VEDs and ring sizes and combinations and finally achieved decent and usable results. I found the EreAid Classis with double rings the best for me. Wife started coming around to supporting my experimentation after much nagging and coercion on my part. I prepare VED in advance and it only takes a minute or so to pump up and install the rings when ready.

In your case, I would give a pump a try to see if you can get an erection in the tube. You can use an inexpensive one from Amazon. That will give you a little confidence back. I found the more I thought about it, the worse it got. I still have a problem with delayed ejaculation - I get right one the edge and if I think about it goes away. Got to relax. At your age, you are probably a good candidate for an implant, but in the mean time you can try experimentation, relaxing and not thinking about it...I know that's not easy.

[68CatFan]

Tough love time. You made some dumb decisions earlier in your life so now you get to pay the price. Some of didn't do anything bad to our penises and they still quit working so no whining about being dependent on pills. Here are your options for ED treatment.

1) Cialis (tadalafil is the generic). Take it with your multi vitamin or whatever else once a day and forget about it. If it works, you're golden. Sex anytime of the day or night.
2) Bimix or Trimix shots. Harder to hide. Requires "a quick trip to the restroom" to take your shot or a very understanding partner.
3) Implant. Totally hidden. Your partner will never know if you don't tell them.

Before you ask.... Shockwave, PRP and Stem Cell shots are all just hocus pocus. Don't waste your money. Pumping Daily helps you maintain size. It does not restore use and neither does TRT. I don't think any urologist will recommend an implant if other options haven't been tried nor will insurance help pay for it. As far as a urologist recommendation where are you located? I didn't see a location in your post.