33 year old virgin with ED - how to manage my first time?

[EveningWood]

Hi guys.


I have been reading the forum for about an year and a half now. There has been a lot of useful info and friendly and helping users.


However, it seems that I am having a bit of a unique problem actually - I will be 34 at the end of this year and have not have penetrative sex (coitus). You can read my story in details here - viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17365&hilit=16+year+frustration


The only thing that changed is that now I am an year older, and still frustrated with this. I have no interest in approaching/flirting with women, since even if we come close to having sex, it would probably be a disaster.
Not that this is a life goal, but having sex missing (or never attempting) in your life definitely affects all other aspects and makes me feel less of a man.


So, to cut it short - how do you think I should deal with this both psychologically (mental preparation) and also pharmacologically (take 15-20mn of Cialis?). Not that I have even have a girl aligned for sex, I even need something to boost my confidence before that.


Appreciate your responses and help.
EveningWood

[sogwap]

The only thing that changed is that now I am an year older, and still frustrated with this. I have no interest in approaching/flirting with women, since even if we come close to having sex, it would probably be a disaster.
Not that this is a life goal, but having sex missing (or never attempting) in your life definitely affects all other aspects and makes me feel less of a man.

I would suggest is seeing a qualified sex therapist, to explore what it is that you want out of your (sex) life.

It almost sounds as if you may be asexual, as you said you "have no interest in approaching/flirting with women". On the other side of this there are women in a similar situation, where sex may be difficult for them.

I get the psychie effect of not having what most would call normal sexual relations. I get a bit weirded out after a week of no sex. Usually at that point I simply rub one out. No its not full on sex, but it does release at least some of the sexual tension.

As far as feeling less of a man, because of sex or the lack thereof I have come to realize sex does NOT define who I am as a man. I have sex with my partner and that's it. I dont have sex with other family members, friends or acquaintances so that can not possibly understand my relationship with regards to sex. Which is why I stated suggesting that you see a qualified sex therapist.

[tomas1]

Probably not the recommended method, but in my case having a lot of alcohol to remove inhibitions worked for me.
After the first success, all was good and no inhibitions.

[Iloveburritos]

Just know this. Everyone’s first time is embarrassing, not long enough and both parties walk away disappointed. I think my first time lasted maybe 2 pumps….

As to using cialis/viagra/ect… every guy reacts differently to each drug and dosage. For example, Viagra never worked for me, while cialis worked ok for 10 years, but Levitra worked better. You have to experiment to know which drive and dose works for you.

[Martin6469]

I hope you live somewhere where you can find a sex worker. Look in the alternative newspapers or do an Internet search. If you explain your problem right away, she will want to help you. (No need to be embarrassed; this happens to a lot of guys.) If you can afford two fees, a sex therapist probably knows some sex surrogates, one of whom will get naked with you for an hour, get you comfortable, listen to what you say, make suggestions, have sex or not, won't pass judgement, no pressure (surrogates are legal in every state). This is classic Masters and Johnson therapy, described in detail in their books, so take advantage of their work. After some sessions, you'll have enough confidence to start dating with Cialis or Viagra.

It will cost some money of course, but it will be well spent.

[EveningWood]

Hello forum.

Many thanks for the replies.

The last few months I decided that I would simply need to take action, since this combo of ED+virginity is really taking a toll on my motivation for everything from work to free time and my mental health.

I created an online dating profile two months ago (not ideal, prefer the natural way of meeting, but have been swamped with work), and been chatting and sexting with two girls that seem with high interest.

I think that there is a possibility that sex might happen with one of the girls this month.
My question is - should I take Tadalafil before my first time (otherwise I risk added psychological trauma) or should I just perform with my almost non existent erection and figure out a way with the girl how to manage the situation?


Best regards,
EveningWood

[bldoink]

Take a pill!

[AmansinCali]

EveningWood,

You have the sympathy of everyone on FT, we have all been there one way or another and are working to correct it. In my opinion you have come to the right place. None of us are trained to help someone like you, but we all want to help by trying to relate and imagine what we would do in such a situation.

My opinion would be for you to do everything you could to guarantee success on your first attempt. There is no secret way to do it, you just have to do what comes naturally, follow your instincts and do the best you can selecting a willing partner. Women are wonderful creatures; they innately have a mothering instinct, and they will be more than likely sympathetic and understanding if you faulter. Like I said, do everything you need to do to have success. Make sure you have a couple condoms with you, if you have never used them before buy some and get used to putting them on and the sensations you have when wearing one. Skin to skin is always best, but not knowing the gal well you don't know where she's been or what she has been exposed to and she will feel the same about you. Try masturbating with a condom on, if you need to take Cialis to do that, take it.

Another thought I had was I think most women in your dating pool would love to get their hands on a 33 year old virgin. I am serious, in fact, you might even solicit a cougar, an older, more experienced woman who would love to teach you. I also think you are a prize, any woman that wants to settle down and have a family would love to find a virgin partner. Sex has gotten so free you are a real exception, and that kind woman is sick of dating men when the only thing they want is another piece of ass. You might even tell them you have been saving yourself for marriage...but you are tired of waiting and you would love her to be my first experience. Just gather up as much self-confidence as you can, women don't get turned on by timid men.

Best of luck to you and keep us posted, we would love to hear about your success.

[EveningWood]

Merry Christmas to all members!


Wishing everyone lots of health and joyful moments with loved ones!



A thread and personal update - I had full intercourse last Saturday, less than two weeks before turning 34.


Unfortunately, I got dumped because of the said intercourse and it did raise some questions. But more details on that in a separate post in the coming days, as I am currently relaxing with my family.



Regards,
EveningWood

[Lost Sheep]

Hi guys.


I have been reading the forum for about an year and a half now. There has been a lot of useful info and friendly and helping users.


However, it seems that I am having a bit of a unique problem actually - I will be 34 at the end of this year and have not have penetrative sex (coitus). You can read my story in details here - viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17365&hilit=16+year+frustration


The only thing that changed is that now I am an year older, and still frustrated with this. I have no interest in approaching/flirting with women, since even if we come close to having sex, it would probably be a disaster.
Not that this is a life goal, but having sex missing (or never attempting) in your life definitely affects all other aspects and makes me feel less of a man.


So, to cut it short - how do you think I should deal with this both psychologically (mental preparation) and also pharmacologically (take 15-20mn of Cialis?). Not that I have even have a girl aligned for sex, I even need something to boost my confidence before that.

Appreciate your responses and help.
EveningWood

My advice: Just date women you like being around. Being in the "friend zone" with womeone a SMALL smount of physicality is involved is not all bad. In fact, it can be quite good. And some women will appreciate a man who does not want to jump into bed right away, Once a relationship is establish, you can level with her about your trepedations over sex. If she is a person worth having intimacy with, she will be willing to accept you as you are. Fellatio can be quite gratifying to you (and to her) and she will teach you how to satisfy her without penile penetration. When you are comfortable with intimacy, her naked body and yours being together, it is quite probably that yours will "rise" to the occasion.

Don't overthink it. Just do it. Be a friend and then be a lover.