Anyone got married while having ED?

[Sharpes]

I had severe ED for about 10 years before meeting my current wife. By severe, I mean zero erections. VED didn’t work, pills didn’t work, never tried injections. I’ve been with my wife 5 years now, married for the last 3. We have never had penetrative sex, just oral, fingers, and toys. She’s cool with it, but I wasn’t. I am having implant surgery in 5 days. Looking forward to finally being able to consecrate the marriage!

[Mike1589]

I had severe ED for about 10 years before meeting my current wife. By severe, I mean zero erections. VED didn’t work, pills didn’t work, never tried injections. I’ve been with my wife 5 years now, married for the last 3. We have never had penetrative sex, just oral, fingers, and toys. She’s cool with it, but I wasn’t. I am having implant surgery in 5 days. Looking forward to finally being able to consecrate the marriage!

How did you get orgasms if you had severe ED? What was your age when you married her? Good luck with your surgery!!

[Mazzio]

That sucks man. You never found a medical solution that worked? Did you stop looking? I've heard for bad venous leaks an implant is the only solution. But that it can totally fix the problem.

I wasn't tall, but I had many girls interested in me that I shied away from because I knew my dick wouldnt work and I couldnt stand the humiliation. I spent literal years alone in my house with very little social contact outside of work. But medications - first pills then injections - finally enabled me to date and have some good relationships and good sex.

ED is a life changing health condition. More than most would imagine. It totally changes a man's self confidence and the way he carries himself, which is so much of what makes a man.

The first time that I did go to a doctor about ED was 1977. I described how I felt the blood running out of my dick but the doctor did not believe me. At that time there was no pills, no injections, no implants... nothing. I met several doctors during next two decades with no help. Things got better after Viagra came to market. I have thought about implant a lot but unfortunately it is not popular in my country. Doctors don't have only a little experience of it. And the price tag is huge.

I agree with you about the self confidence issue. I know several people that are suspicious about me because I have been so vulnerable and silent in my life. Even some of my relatives have said that I am strange and not a real man even though they don't know about my ED.

[Sharpes]

How did you get orgasms if you had severe ED? What was your age when you married her? Good luck with your surgery!![/quote]

As to my orgasms, I can sometimes get them while masturbating, but it’s very difficult as it’s like working with a piece of rope. Takes the right amount of constriction, and a damn good bit of time. When with my wife, once I’ve gotten her off a few times, I’m excited enough that she can get me off orally, although, it’s still not the same as it used to be as I don’t get hard at all.

We’ve been married 3.5 years now, I was 48 when we were married.

[steamfitter]

Not married, but I told my current girlfriend within the first few dates about my issues, she didn’t care. She said “sex is an emotional experience for women” (her opinion, at least). She says she would love me even if my dick stops working permanently. So that was really encouraging. The prospect of marrying is scary when you have ED (and resultant decreased sex drive), but at the end of the day, what do you have to lose? We don’t know how many days we have left, and I’ve already wasted a few years stuck in anxiety and depression over this. I think the key is to establish a relationship that isn’t predicated on sex. We have learned to be physically loving without intercourse, and to actually value our conversations and friendship. So if this does lead to marriage, I think we are on much more stable ground than maybe we would have been if I did not have this issue and was primarily focussed on sex.

That’s good, I 100% agree with what you said. Personally for me sex is important, but it’s not what makes a base for a good relationships (even when I didn’t have ED it was like that).

As for the sex without intercourse, I am also learning a lot about that (improving oral, fingering, learning a lot about sex toys - vibratos, vacuum stimulators, dildos etc) to make sure my woman is satisfied with me. Sometimes I take pills for having normal sex, but not too often as it puts pressure on me. Also I trying to find the girl who accepts me for who I am and will be able to adjust in terms of sexual life.

As for your situation, do you try intercourse and how often? How did you communicate about the issue with your girlfriend?

We haven't had intercourse yet. She has said she doesn't have a high sex drive, and has been celibate for several years. So not having intercourse hasn't been an issue.