Being single with ED

[qcswral]

I know somewhere on this forum there is a thread for "young" (under age 40 I believe) and being single.....But I'd just would like some comments concerning those of us in our 50's and 60's who are single and dealing with ED....I was married for some 25 years and fathered 2 beautiful and successful kids..the last 5 years of my marriage were sex-less......all due to marital difficulties and my wife gaining an enormous amount of weight which just made her sexually unattractive to me...never really struggled with ED until then...but I chalked it up to a bad marriage. We legally separated some 7 years ago and I went about making up for lost time sexually.....due to the nerves that comes alomg with being with a new woman, I started taking like 50mgs of Viagra with great success....over the past 7 years I've had 3 somewhat serious relationships, 2 of them with younger women...as the years went on the Viagra dose increased to 100mgs....worked like a charm. I could go twice within 1 night or afternoon....the last relationship I was in was with a much younger woman who was 1 of the most sexy attractive women I had been with sexually..as my ED worsened I feared losing her...during that time I had to have cardiac by=pass surgery and eventually went to Trimix injections after several embarrassing encounters of "limp dick" syndrome.....I remember one time not being able to get hard looking down at this beautiful woman giving me oral sex...the anger and depression was too much to bear..my body was failing me in a way I never dreamed it would frankly....I remember being so relaxed and turned on but it was if another body was attached to me....WTF?..little harry was just not waking up....
We have since parted ways, and I never told her I was injecting towards the end of the relationship...but I hate the whole thing...all the anxiety of being with a new woman....Yea yea, all the relax crap, enjoy the moment doesn't stop the reality that a woman wants to be satisfied....and the hurt when you are dating someone and they tell you about how good their past lovers were. AS we all know, woman can be so cruel...sometimes totally unaware of how those comments strike a guy struggling with ED.....The whole dating at my age and hoping to find a loving understanding woman and the dissapointment of not finding her makes one want to just live a celibate life....
Those of you who have loving understanding long term partners....you're so lucky you have no idea....you have the comfort to experiment with all sorts of aids, etc without feeling rejected just by the sheer length of your relationships. I find myself avoiding my lover.....I call her a lover because the relationship is built on sex...she wants nothing to do with a serious relationship....but enjoys our time sexually together...at least until I had to stop injecting because of scarring...anyway I started this thread because I think we single older guys have a unique story and a much different experience than some of the other guys on the forum...please, I am in no way diminishing your frustrations, anxieties etc with ED and your relationships with your partners...
But every time we single guys have our first encounter with a new woman it's proabaly one of the most stressful situations for us...which of course adds another impediment to our desire and ability to have an erection..I just needed to vent...partially because I have a date this weekend with a woman I've seen in the past....and I know or believe we may end up in bed...and I'm a different man than I was when I was seeing her some years back..It's like coming up on a car wreck...your curosity pulls you to slow and look...but at the same time you want to desperately avoid it.....I'm not suppose to try injecting again till another month...but right now I feel like F-ck it....just do it....I know I'm not alone in this struggle as a single older man....and it would be good to hear how others cope with this bottomless pit of anxiety, despair and at times yes elation...

[DickNJane]

Hi QC. I feel your angst. I'm 66 years old (a very "young" 66) and 6 months post RP and pills haven't worked. Appointment in 2 days to try injections (which I'm very stressed about) as VED is very uncomfortable for me although I use it (reluctantly) for therapy. Already thinking about an implant and doing my research. 7 months ago I still had a very active daily sex life with a woman 19 years my junior (former model, 10 year relationship). The PCa, RP and its aftermath ended all that and now, on the rare occasions when I go out socially, although there are other attractive women who may be interested in me, the knowledge that I can't yet "perform" keeps me somewhat distant and aloof, knowing that even a one night stand is not going to end well. I still have stress incontinence, and combined with my ED, my sex/social life has turned around 180 degrees. The only bright ray of hope at this point is that my orgasms are more intense and last longer than before... different, but better (perhaps more like a woman's?). Alas, but that's a solo act and I so miss the intimacy of a duo, and the satisfaction of bringing a woman to the heights of ecstasy and contentment. I'm trying to be hopeful (though sometimes it's so difficult) and want to believe that the Universe has put me in this position so that I may learn some important lessons in my life. And I HAVE learned so many; but I hope that my path leads me back to physical wholeness as well as emotional and spiritual wholeness. Then this will all have been a worthwhile and enlightening experience. I suppose, when something is truly out of one's control, the answer is to just "Trust the Universe," which is what I will do from now on, just taking it day by day, not stressing about the past or the future, but truly living in the NOW. Best regards to you in your journey.

[Andy425]

I'm single, will be 64 soon, RP two years ago.

I avoid getting too close to women. It's just easier that way. I don't know what else to do.

[edawkins]

My husband had surgery may 2011.didnot have an erection since. His penis shrink and all he does is try to avoid me. When we are in bed, i try to snuggle beside him but he would turn his back or ask me to back off

[Anonymous2]

My husband had surgery may 2011.didnot have an erection since. His penis shrink and all he does is try to avoid me. When we are in bed, i try to snuggle beside him but he would turn his back or ask me to back off

Hi So sorry to hear your problems, seems your husband needs to come on here, try talking to him and see if he would go for an implant or vacuum pumping, this would help him get erect but he should be trying anything even if just please you and take you to orgasm.

I don't know what you have been trying by yourself, but go look on this site, www.dodsonandross.com one its not a porn site, Dr Betty Dodson is a great lady, she the queen of masturbation and a guru of orgasm, she runs life class's just for women, your find lots of help there, please give it a try, you can post to Dr betty and she will reply.

Do hope something here helps you.

Good Luck

One last thing copy this off and read it with your husband, its a way of having sex without an erection? bet that makes you think, so please read on.

The most important information I got from the convention was a method which makes it possible to have inter course with a flaccid or semi erect penis.
The following technique was described at the symposium: The man lies flat on his back, the women straddles him in a half kneeling position, leaning on her left knee, and on the right foot. This gives her room to manipulate with her right hand, She clamps the penis firmly but not to tightly at the base with her thumb and index finger (palm facing the mans body).This causes sufficient firmness to allow insertion. The women then sits firmly upon the penis. This approach permit she a wide range of movement and not only enables a considerable penetration but gives her the opportunity to rub her clitoris against her index finger.
When the erection is complete she may remove her hand and let her partner begin the active coital movement.
If for any reason this method doesn’t not, then the couple should try a special friction technique between a flaccid penis and the clitoris. The man lies flat on his back. The women lies on top of him in a prone superior position. She begins to embrace and kiss him passionately. Then she starts a belly dance movement to stimulate the penis. Later she assumes a position which enables her to rub her clitoris to the soft penis. By kissing her partner and the clitoris friction she will get aroused, which, in turn, will excite her partner. Then he may achieve a partial or full erection.
In the former case she used the clamping technique, and in the latter case she may start coitus by inserting his penis.
It appears that more and more men are losing their ability to have intercourse with a women without her active participation, there is very little a man can do to cure his own impotence and sympathetic woman can do it for him.

What you have read above comes from a 1970 Forum magazine, its from a piece written by Dr Eugene Scheimann, when he went to a swingers convention in Chicago, and this was a small part on impotence/ED, its so us men could have some kind of sex lives before drugs come to the front to overcome ED