I need help. I don't know what I don't know.

[hotandnerdy]

*APOLOGIES*. So this is going to be graphic and detailed because, honestly, I don't know what to say or not say in order to get help.

The background:
I am 46. I've been married for almost 20 years and she has filed for divorce. As part of this marriage we haven't been intimate in the past 5 years (no physical touch at all actually). During this time I managed my own desires in order to stay faithful to the marriage. I did not cheat.

The current situation:
Having become sexually active again after 5 years (oral being 20 years because she never could/would do that for me) I am finding a lot of issues I didn't expect. This is where it gets graphic.
- I generate a LOT of "pre-cum" when aroused and when having sex.
- I can climax by myself. Seems I might have developed death grip. My primary sensation, if not all of my sensation, is only in the head (particularly the ridge of the glans). It is still a bit of a struggle to get there. Lube helps a lot.
- I cannot climax during any intercourse of any kind. However that is with a condom. I have not been able to try so without one.
- I cannot climax when receiving bare oral or hand stimulation
- I do not stay hard during intercourse (again this is with a condom)
- It seems i might be having micro orgasms where I don't even feel them but hardly any ejaculate, or none, comes out and then I go half soft.
- In general, alone or not, it's like i have close to no sensation along the shaft. Scrotum is very minor too.
- I am scared

What's next:
- I have a doctor appt with my PCP this Friday to discuss ED and STD/STI testing.

Questions:
- What should I do?
- Has anyone else experienced this?
- What might be the solution?
- What questions should I be asking.

Please feel free to ask questions

[Martin6469]

So you're having sex with someone, and that's the reason for the condoms?

Graphic is ok, we're all graphic here.

[1sfman]

Welcome to FT hotandnerdy, you will find FT a valuable resource.

No apologies needed here! Sorry to hear about your experiences over the past 5 years, well probably 20.

You are taking the first, most important step, seeing your PCP. You probably need help beyond what your PCP can provide, and and that's a discussion you can have with him/her.

Lots of pre-cum; that's good, a lot of things are still working. Just a guess, but if you are using a "death grip", it can be detrimental per a lot of the medical literature (I never got to that point, or did that, so I rely on what's out there.)

You should have sensation all up and down the backside of the shaft, from the base to the frenulum, especially at the frenulum. Again, from what I've read, eliminating the death grip will probably help with feeling coming back over time.

I remember condoms being kind of an orgasm killer, so no surprise, but I understand being careful.

In the end, you are doing the right thing seeking professional help. Lay it all out there, put all your cards on the table face up. Doctors have seen it all and they are there to help. Hold nothing back and don't hesitate to seek help from another professional if you don't get the answers you need, or if they brush aside your concerns.

I wish you all the best in getting your sex life back together.

[Kimball]

I cannot express a particularly favorable opinion about doctors in relation to sexual matters, considering they have been responsible for the circumcision of most infants in America for the past century, primarily driven by financial motives. Currently, the rate of infant circumcision remains approximately 50%.

If you wish to use ED medications, you will need to obtain a prescription. It is important to note that many men can achieve an erection for sexual activity by utilizing a Vacuum Erection Device along with a tension ring, a fact that may not be widely communicated, as it does not generate a profit for the doctors.

[1sfman]

I cannot express a particularly favorable opinion about doctors in relation to sexual matters, considering they have been responsible for the circumcision of most infants in America for the past century, primarily driven by financial motives. Currently, the rate of infant circumcision remains approximately 50%.

If you wish to use ED medications, you will need to obtain a prescription. It is important to note that many men can achieve an erection for sexual activity by utilizing a Vacuum Erection Device along with a tension ring, a fact that may not be widely communicated, as it does not generate a profit for the doctors.

I have had excellent results with my urologist/surgeon with my problems. I have no doubt there are many medical specialists who do amazing work with their patients in sexual problems.

Circumcision in the US is primarily performed by Pediatricians, Obstetricians and some family practice doctors, not doctors who specialize in sexual problems. Personally, circumcision should be outlawed, I guess with some religious exceptions. I find the practice abhorrent (disclaimer, I'm circumcised and it causes me problems after my implant as I'm now a shower and the unsheathed glans gets quite irritated rubbing against my underwear). I'm not sure why we allow an arbitrary decision to be made to remove highly sensitive tissue from an organ without the approval of the patient, who obviously cannot approve. I doubt there's much financial gain from the practice, but you may be right.

[hotandnerdy]

So i'm a little confused. All I got out of these replies was complaining about circumcision and that yes I should go to the PCP. Am I missing anything? Is what i'm experiencing pretty standard? etc.

[hotandnerdy]

No. I can get hard. As I said in the original post I can't STAY hard once engaged in penetration. I'm getting not enough sensation it seems.

[jwjwjw]

I don't know what your problem is but pretty sure I know a path for you to take that has a 75% chance of being successful.75% chance of success is good... correct ?

Go to a Urologist that works with sexual issues and tell him you would like to get a prescription for Cialis.. Don't take baby does...go ahead and take 20mg tablet 3 hours before sex.If drinking is involved have no more than 1 drink.
If that doesn't work Immediately go to step two..... get a prescription for Trimix.There are no guarantees but there is a very high chance Trimix will work.

Don't waste time....go to a Urologist...