Need Advice, problem with orgasms after prostatectomy

[javon99]

Andy-
Yes they saved the nerves on both sides. I know it takes 18 to 24 months for the nerves to "wake up" so natural erections are possible again. I'm wondering if part of the orgasm problems can also resolve, or at least improve, in that same time period. Have you found that orgasms are better (easier to get, and more intense) after 2½ years than they were a few months after surgery?

[Andy425]

Andy-
Yes they saved the nerves on both sides. I know it takes 18 to 24 months for the nerves to "wake up" so natural erections are possible again. I'm wondering if part of the orgasm problems can also resolve, or at least improve, in that same time period. Have you found that orgasms are better (easier to get, and more intense) after 2½ years than they were a few months after surgery?

Actually my orgasms have seemed to go downhill gradually since surgery. At first they were quite good. Although lately they seem to be better again. I don't really have any idea why, it may be all mental.

None of this has involved any women. I have avoided them since this all began, so I have no idea what it would be like to be with one -- maybe better, maybe worse.

[javon99]

Well, that's not very encouraging! I'm right on the edge of impossibility of orgasm ever since surgery. I'm essentially rock bottom already, so I have been hoping for improvement with time as the nerves recover. Every time the thought hits me that this might be as good as it ever gets, I have panic attacks and find it difficult to think clearly......! It might be crazy, but I sometimes feel it would have been better to not have had surgery and have a few good years before the cancer takes me out. Yeah, that really is crazy, but I can't help having such thoughts. Every day is a challenge.

[Andy425]

Well, that's not very encouraging! I'm right on the edge of impossibility of orgasm ever since surgery. I'm essentially rock bottom already, so I have been hoping for improvement with time as the nerves recover. Every time the thought hits me that this might be as good as it ever gets, I have panic attacks and find it difficult to think clearly......! It might be crazy, but I sometimes feel it would have been better to not have had surgery and have a few good years before the cancer takes me out. Yeah, that really is crazy, but I can't help having such thoughts. Every day is a challenge.

Heh, I've had the same thought many times. And I know other men who have too.

You should ask your urologist this because I am not sure, but I don't think orgasms have much to do with the nerve bundles that are disturbed/removed during a prostatectomy. Or at least I've never heard or read that there is any connection.

[DesertDweller]

Well, that's not very encouraging! I'm right on the edge of impossibility of orgasm ever since surgery. I'm essentially rock bottom already, so I have been hoping for improvement with time as the nerves recover. Every time the thought hits me that this might be as good as it ever gets, I have panic attacks and find it difficult to think clearly......! It might be crazy, but I sometimes feel it would have been better to not have had surgery and have a few good years before the cancer takes me out. Yeah, that really is crazy, but I can't help having such thoughts. Every day is a challenge.

I would once again recommend that you give yourself more time, and not worry so much about the quality of your orgasms this soon after major abdominal surgery. A year from now, you will understand that you were still recovering from surgery at this point.

My experience did not match up with that of Andy, because I discovered it was better to seek the companionship of a partner. I had no partner at the time of my surgery. I went through that whole nightmare on my own, but I made the decision to start dating again after surgery. I eventually partnered with a very compassionate woman, and I was completely open about my sexual limitations. She and I together have figured out how to have a very satisfying sex life, with just the pump and the injections as aids.

At nine years post-surgery, I am satisfied with orgasmic quality, and I know it has to do with connecting with her. I know this, because my orgasms from masturbation are not nearly as good as my orgasms with her. I also learned not to get all wound around the axle if I did not have an orgasm. Sometimes I just get off on getting her off. Several times, she has gotten me off when I had no erection at all (use your imagination). None of that was possible for me in the first six months after surgery. She gave me the time to relax, understand that I was loved, and not worry so much about not having the same sexual prowess as before.

As I said before, a lot of it has to do with gradually setting the anxiety aside and getting in the right state of mind.

[javon99]

Andy-
You have heard the same thing that I was told by more than one urologist: orgasms don't have much connection with the ED nerve bundles near the prostate; orgasms are primarily a brain event. However, many scientific papers refer to large percentages of prostatectomy patients that have altered orgasms afterward, many with reduced intensity or none at all. My own experience is that the surgery drastically reduced my sensitivity to stimulation, although I have normal sense of touch. (Trying to stimulate works about as well as rubbing my arm and expecting something to happen.) Orgasms before had rhythmic contractions; those are gone now. Also, these forums document many men with orgasm problems after surgery. My conclusion is that the surgery DOES change things, and usually it is not for the better. I am guessing that the ED nerves affect more than just erections, or else there are other nerves in the area that are cut or damaged. Somehow my sensitivity to stimulation was practically eliminated, so some nerves must have been disturbed to cause this!

DesertDweller-
I hear you! I have no choice but to "give it more time". That is the answer I have gotten every time I question my surgeon about these issues, also. I think those panic attacks are coming less often now than a month ago, and I try NOT to think of how far off 18 to 24 months really is and just focus on getting through the next few weeks. I am optimistic that if/when the erection nerves begin to work, that will help in the orgasm department as well.

Thanks to everyone for your support and understanding!

[Andy425]

Eh, today I was introduced to a very beautiful woman, much younger than me, by a friend (who knows I had PC). She seemed quite interested.

A few years ago this would be fun. Now I'm not sure what to do.

[DesertDweller]

Eh, today I was introduced to a very beautiful woman, much younger than me, by a friend (who knows I had PC). She seemed quite interested.

A few years ago this would be fun. Now I'm not sure what to do.

Andy,

I highly recommend that you go for it, but don't hide anything about your prostate cancer history. You do not want to be with anybody who is not interested in you as a whole person, any more than they would want to be with anyone who did not respect them as a whole person, no matter what limitations might exist.

After my surgery in 2005, I started dating again four months later. I ended up in a VERY good relationship with a woman who is 11 years younger than I am. Her father had PC, so she had some understanding about that from the beginning. Even if she hadn't been familiar with PC, she is just a nice person and has worked closely with me to develop a life and a sexual relationship that is satisfying to both of us.

I highly recommend dating and getting on with a new chapter in life.

D.D.

[limpjoint]

I had the same surgery in '08 and I do have trouble achieving orgasm also. In fact sex isn't same anymore. The surgeon is very well known so I don't think that it is due to surgical malpractice, and indeed I continue to show zero PSA counts, but I do think that the results I have are part of the territory. I'm actually surprised that you went through with this surgery in '14, because from what I read, it's no longer as popular as it was in '08 when I had it. My own belief is that this surgery is not so necessary as other cancer treatments. I firmly believe that it has been brought upon us by the DaVinci manufacturers.

[javon99]

Limpjoint-
Sounds like I better get used to sex being totally different and not so great. Not what I would like to hear.
I didn't like any of the options I knew about for my PC (surgery, external radiation, or cyberknife). However, I wish I had known back in July about Focal Laser Ablation (FLA). It sounds like an excellent way to go to deal with the PC, and still have some sex life afterward. I just discovered info about FLA a few weeks ago; too late for me! I had Extra Prostatic Extension (EPE), so I wonder if I could still have used FLA. First, would the cancer have been detected with these new types of MRI, and second, could FLA zap the cancer beyond the prostate? Does anybody know if FLA works for someone with EPE?