Wife has NO Libido

[brickbat]

Foreplay starts with doing the dishes for her after dinner and simply PAYING ATTENTION to her. Long-time couples sometimes fall into a routine that may be comforting or may be a rut. (And not the good kind of rut) I am not saying that is the case with anyone here, but it does happen occasionally and is not irreversible

How very true bro. This is a lesson we men have to teach ourselves over and over and over. Why is this lesson so hard for us to learn as men. It all boils down to Chapman's FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES......... why are they so hard to incorporate daily into our lives.

I have a friend who in his senior years melted his wifes heart. He would grab both her hands across the table, look into her eyes, and tell her overpowering words such as I am so glad I married you, you mean everything to me, etc. He also did many out of the blue acts of service and he made sure he called her from work twice or more a day just to tell her that he was thinking about her and how much he loved her.

He had always wanted his wife to suck him. She flatly refused. Do you know that after he instituted this and more in his senior years, that his wife went down on him and she learned to suck him with relish. He was one happy senior citizen.

There are lessons to be learned here as men.

[Rusty4.5]

Staying hard wasn’t happening last year the blue pill wasn’t doing it. We still were doing it once a week in a hurry before it goes away guickie. Seen uro in January with plan to get implant. He had me try trimix instead and it worked. It was a two vial trial script, follow up visit I asked for four vial script thinking life was going to be good now.
Fast forward that four vial script was never filled, one of the original two is still in freezer. My wife ignored every time I’d suggest sex. The rejection has been very painful and and I’ve gave up trying, I do use a pump to keep the tool alive. SUCKS!!

[Newlife]

Thank you all for the positive suggestions and comments. Since my wife and I both have the same primary care doctor, I think I am going to also discuss with her. Go over all my wife's symptoms, her mood nastiness, meanness when sex is mentioned, no reaction when I try to hold hands,, kiss,, or just cuddle, and my other concerns, etc etc. I will also ask about counseling, but my wife has already said no to that in the past. It is as if she does not see anything abnormal or want to work on improving. Still hopeful we can find a solution. Thanks all...

[Lost Sheep]

Staying hard wasn’t happening last year the blue pill wasn’t doing it. We still were doing it once a week in a hurry before it goes away guickie. Seen uro in January with plan to get implant. He had me try trimix instead and it worked. It was a two vial trial script, follow up visit I asked for four vial script thinking life was going to be good now.
Fast forward that four vial script was never filled, one of the original two is still in freezer. My wife ignored every time I’d suggest sex. The rejection has been very painful and and I’ve gave up trying, I do use a pump to keep the tool alive. SUCKS!!

Well, don't suggest or ask for sex. Just show non-sexual affection. Ask peripheral questions. "How was your day, sweetheart?" Then LISTEN. Not just with your ears. Hear her body language, her attitude. It may take days for her to open up to what has changed since the days when she was willing to do a weekly quickie. Was her experience with the one trial run with trimix a difficult one? Apologize and explain that your bedroom skills will get better as you get more experience. Show interest in your relationship, not just sex. If you demonstrate that the "WE" in your marriage is more important than the weiner, she may open up and let you know what is really bothering her.

Brickbat's post is spot-on. If a man will pay attention to his wife, she will not require him to pay in more painful ways.

[Flavio]

Libido is still an unmet medical need, PDE-5 inhibitors (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) only work locally and do nothing to improve sexual desire.

There's a new treatment called Vyleesi (bremelanotide) for female sexual dysfunction, I've read good reviews and it seems to improve male sexual dysfunction as well but I have no experience with it.

[Newlife]

Regretfully, Vyleesi is only prescribed for pre menopausal women. My wife has already gone through that and has had a complete hysterectomy.

[Davegb]

Lost sheep is saying the right things. My wife and I both had
illnesses that stopped sex for quite a while. It took me 7 months
of baby steps to change our relationship to get to the point
of indicating I wanted sex. It was a relearning experience for
a few weeks, but now we are very close and intimate. More in
love than I can remember. Both 75 married 57 years.

[otter17]

I definitely agree that treating your partner well in a non-sexual way will benefit you sex life. BUT there definitely some women that just do not have a high sex drive. You can tell the difference between a women who is having sex to please or placate you, and the ones who are having sex because they love it.

It can be pretty frustrating to feel like you are taking good care of your partners emotional needs and helping around the house, and the most you can get in return is some pecks on the cheek. Communication is important, but as others have alluded to, sometimes women can be as closed off or evasive as men can be when you try to talk to them about increasing affection.

[Robert66]

I had ED for over 10 years which progressively got to the point that oral meds, MUSE, VED, Double Teimix became ineffective. On Aug 4 I had an AMS LGX implant 18cm + 3Cm RTE. Implant went great, but next problem is my wife has no (NONE, ZERO) desire for sex. She lost her desire for sex several years ago. She won't see a doctor, doesn't want to talk about it, and gets mad anytime I even hint. Any suggestions on how to get help to diagnose her loss of libido?

Tell her you need sex just the same she need security then take a sex vacation to asia both win

[Reggieman]

NewLIfe-I hear you. She is not interested and not interested in doing anything about it. She has the attitude that it's her body and she will do with it as she pleases and it peases her not to engage in physical intimacy. Evidently born with very, very low if any libido and doesn't feel she needs to change. My needs are of no importance. Her attitude is that she is "normal" and needn't make an effort to change or accommodate. I've tried to find out why she is this way, asked her to communicate her feelings to help me understand. I get an different answer each time I ask. I think she makes it up as she goes along. After 20 years of marriage I just quit asking. Tried counseling first but that went no where. She is passive aggressive and will agree to anything while under pressure but then backs down when it comes to words into practice. I gave up. It's taken a toll on our marriage. She is happier because I don't ask for sex anymore. She apparently just accepts the cost to our marriage so long as she doesn't have to be physically intimate.
Enough whining here. It is what it is. We are in our 70's so it's not like I will got out and seek affection elsewhere.