FrankTalk.org

Ok so let me preface by saying I'm sorry if I'm wasting people's time. It would seem to me that my problem here may feel sort of trivial to a lot of the guys on here, as I'm 25 years old, in great health, and by most indications don't have like.. diagnosable ED.. as I'll get into. However, I wanted to talk about this and see if anybody else has had the same problems or had any insight advice.. While I may not have had any major surgery, be older, or seem to be in such a terrible position, this is obviously a really big deal to me. So, I'd appreciate your patience..

For starters, at least according to what I've read here and elsewhere, I don't think I actually have ED. I have no problem getting hard and getting off masturbating and I have no problem getting hard when I start to hookup, when girls are going down on me (especially when they work with hands AND mouth, etc. - sorry if I'm being graphic, but I guess detail could be helpful here - if it were me reading I would ask)

Recently though, I had one episode where I just immediately started losing my hard-on after this girl got up from giving me oral - she pulled away and I turned her over to have sex with her and I just seemed to go limp, like wasn't hard enough to push inside of her and for some reason it wasn't coming back..

For some reason, I've now had this happen 3 or 4 times since then. The first time I put it down to me being really really intoxicated, but I've had the subsequent episodes - there have been mitigating circumstances with the others - the second was with her trying it again and I feel like the mood was just all messed up as a result, and another I was just totally unattracted to the girl (I was sort of more willing to h/u with anyone to try and sort of.. get over this hump.. if that makes sense, but to no avail.)

I've been reading about this and it sounds like guys sometimes get this, a sort of performance anxiety thing. It's weird to me because I don't really feel taht nervous, although obnviously I'm a bit worried about it now. I will say that I'm not the world's most experienced guy - I'm an athletic, good looking, really popular dude, so I think people automatically assume that I've been with lots of women, but I actually have just been really picky my whole life, and never been the guy who tries to really "push the envelope" in bed, if you will, so I've "hooked up" with lotsss of women, but had sex, or encounters that led to an ejaculation, with much fewer. As I'm sure you can imagine, I've spent a lot of time wondering if that history is relevant here. I feel like it must be..

I should say at the same time though, that I don't feel like I'm sexually anxious. I"m extremely confident about my looks, about my abilities in bed and about the size, look, feel of my penis, etc. And while I did try to highlight a bit of my sexual history/tendencies, I'm still very confident in my abilities in terms of pleasing women. That may seem like a contradiction, but I'm trying to be as honest as I can - basically I don't FEEL nervous or anything less than extremely confident at all. If that's the issue, which I still suspect it may be, it's ENTIRELY subconscious because I don't feel it at all - so then how do I fix that?

Anyway, has anyone else had this problem? Is it a confidence thing? Could it be something else? Have any of you had these issues and have comments on the best way for a guy to approach it and deal with it with a woman he's intimate with? How have you fixed it?

I've also wondered whether it had to do with de-sensitization from watching porn.. I wonder if maybe because I haven't sought out just any vagina available my penis is too used to the stimulation from masturbation, which is tighter and I guess more.. personalized.. you guys know what I mean. One thing I'm trying to do right now is to severly cut down on masturbating or watching porn, but I feel like if I haven't more than once or twice in a week, and I haven't within two days of a sexual encounter, that really shouldn't be an issue. Is that accurate?

Anyway.. I don't know I just want to get this out there and see what people come back with.. It's obviously a big enough deal to me that I took the time to join this site and write it out. So all help would be deeply appreciated.

nyc guy,

I think the working definition of Erectile Dysfunction is the loss/lack of the ability to achieve a natural erection sufficient for sexual intercourse/vaginal penetration despite appropriate sensory stimulation and assuming an erection friendly environment. (Being immersed in ice water would not be an erection friendly environment.)

So yes, losing your hard-on in the middle of a sexual encounter is definitely a form of ED--even if it's temporary and/or pyschological. And, no, you're not too young and your problem is no less serious than any of ours. Limp is limp and it sucks. You've come to the right place.

I'm not sure I have the answers you're seeking, but I'll offer a few thoughts. First of all, the biggest sex organ any man has is his head--and I'm referring to the one attached to his neck. Perhaps you should perform a self-test to determine if there are any mechanical (chemical/physical/biological) issues causing you to lose your erection. See if you can get hard, stay hard, and spray DNA while flying solo. Use whatever visual, mental, and physical stimulation you need. If you can get hard and stay hard long enough to get yourself off, then your recent episodes may well be some kind of performance anxiety. If not, then you probably need to see a urologist who treats male erectile issues. Your internist will know who that is. Or do an internet search.

It's my impression that most performance anxiety issues for someone your age usually go away by themselves. If, indeed, this is some kind of performance anxiety, and it persists, then again you need professional medical help. No doubt there are guys here who can tell you what they did to overcome it, but I'll bet every solution involved a urologist.

You might also check out lifestyle contributors to ED such as too much alcohol (you mentioned that one already), smoking, eating habits, etc. Those things are totally in your control and you can get busy fixing them.

One final thought: perhaps it's time for you to have a complete physical. You need to make sure that nothing's going on that could be affecting your performance in bed. One thing that comes to my my mind, of course, is high blood sugar levels. So mayke sure you're totally healthy while you're in the process of solving this one. Remember, ED is always a symptom of something else.

I'm looking forward to reading the responses of some of the other guys. I'm sure you are too.

Stay tuned and best wishes for hard times.

Greg
Baton Rouge

How much porn do you watch?

Minnesota - really not that much.. I think the same as most normal dudes my age.. I mean I go to work and live a normal life so it's not ilke I have hours to be sitting around watching porn all the time haha, but maybe I'd say I would masturbate 2-4x/week, now I'm down to 1-2 and I might cycle through 2-5 vids or so.. you know until something catches your fancy I guess.. obviously, like some guys I might be in and out in like 10 minutes and others I might take my time, but.. yea I never thought any of it was outrageous.. Like I don't think I have a porn addiction or anything like that.. Every once in a while I might just be bored and take a look for like 5-10 minutes without masturbating, but that's not that often..

Ya dude I hear ya. Have you tried eliminating porn completely and for wackin it? Over time this could completely decrease a need for visual stimulation. I agree that your habits now are nothing different than normal.

I would agree with you that alot of other things with a girl (blow j, foreplay, etc.) can be more stimulating than sex. So when you say you lose your erection when you have sex reminds me of some situations I am in. But I would try and cut out the porn. Like I said, its not that you are doing it too much...its just that the sensation of sex might be better with out the visual needs.