FrankTalk.org

Hello everyone, I have an issue and I really dont know where to go or whom to talk to about this situation so I thought id give this place a try.
Im 27 years old, gay, and ive been in a relationship with my bf for 4 months. Everything about our relationship is great except that when it comes to him cleaning himself and getting ready to have intercourse I cant stay hard long enough to do anything and sometimes not hard at all. But when we do everything else I stay hard and could probably penetrate him then but hes not clean. Idk what the issue is because I find him to be the most attractive guy ive ever been with and our relationship is going so well, no doubts on either side. Even with this issue of mine he said he wont leave me because of it and that we can figure it out but its affecting me a lot and idk what to do about it. Theres even yimes where i cant even get hard when watching porn. Its frustrating and embarrassing...and I feel like my bf thinks its him but i dont see how because i find him so attractive... Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

PM9377 wrote:Hello everyone, I have an issue and I really dont know where to go or whom to talk to about this situation so I thought id give this place a try.
Im 27 years old, gay, and ive been in a relationship with my bf for 4 months. Everything about our relationship is great except that when it comes to him cleaning himself and getting ready to have intercourse I cant stay hard long enough to do anything and sometimes not hard at all. But when we do everything else I stay hard and could probably penetrate him then but hes not clean. Idk what the issue is because I find him to be the most attractive guy ive ever been with and our relationship is going so well, no doubts on either side. Even with this issue of mine he said he wont leave me because of it and that we can figure it out but its affecting me a lot and idk what to do about it. Theres even yimes where i cant even get hard when watching porn. Its frustrating and embarrassing...and I feel like my bf thinks its him but i dont see how because i find him so attractive... Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

I[b] am not a Psychiatrist, this is my opinion, not professional advice. From what I hear, any ED issue is caused by physiological or psychological conditions.

IS it possible that you have a "block" about the cleaning part? In that case, he could clean himself first before you have foreplay and make love.

On the other hand if this is a physiological thing, you might as well see a UROLOGIST, for expert advice.

SEX (or the lack or it) can make a big impact between two people.If I were you, I'd seek medical advice at the earliest.[/b]

See the thing is he cleans himself before we do anything. We have tried 3 times now and after last night I feel like I have a mental block for everything. I can't get hard at all from anything. Its very frustrating... From my minor research ive done id say I maybe have perfmormance anxiety of some form but idk why. I just eant to fix this cuz it makes me depressed when i think about it.

PM9377 wrote:See the thing is he cleans himself before we do anything. We have tried 3 times now and after last night I feel like I have a mental block for everything. I can't get hard at all from anything. Its very frustrating... From my minor research ive done id say I maybe have perfmormance anxiety of some form but idk why. I just eant to fix this cuz it makes me depressed when i think about it.

what if you tried "oops ya missed a spot"

PM9377 wrote:Hello everyone, I have an issue and I really dont know where to go or whom to talk to about this situation so I thought id give this place a try.
Im 27 years old, gay, and ive been in a relationship with my bf for 4 months. Everything about our relationship is great except that when it comes to him cleaning himself and getting ready to have intercourse I cant stay hard long enough to do anything and sometimes not hard at all. But when we do everything else I stay hard and could probably penetrate him then but hes not clean. Idk what the issue is because I find him to be the most attractive guy ive ever been with and our relationship is going so well, no doubts on either side. Even with this issue of mine he said he wont leave me because of it and that we can figure it out but its affecting me a lot and idk what to do about it. Theres even yimes where i cant even get hard when watching porn. Its frustrating and embarrassing...and I feel like my bf thinks its him but i dont see how because i find him so attractive... Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

See a good Urologist, who will do a good exam and find out if it's physical. I was just diagnosed with poor blood flow and venous leakage . So I know it's not me . Itt was a relief to know what it was.

Just take this for what it's worth, maybe nothing and maybe not! My wife uses a dildo on me when I want. I do the cleansing routine one to two hours before we start playing. Maybe having your partner doing his a couple hours before would help with your issue. Have you tried watching some porn before? Just a few thoughts.

PM9377 wrote:Hello everyone, I have an issue and I really dont know where to go or whom to talk to about this situation so I thought id give this place a try.
Im 27 years old, gay, and ive been in a relationship with my bf for 4 months. Everything about our relationship is great except that when it comes to him cleaning himself and getting ready to have intercourse I cant stay hard long enough to do anything and sometimes not hard at all. But when we do everything else I stay hard and could probably penetrate him then but hes not clean. Idk what the issue is because I find him to be the most attractive guy ive ever been with and our relationship is going so well, no doubts on either side. Even with this issue of mine he said he wont leave me because of it and that we can figure it out but its affecting me a lot and idk what to do about it. Theres even yimes where i cant even get hard when watching porn. Its frustrating and embarrassing...and I feel like my bf thinks its him but i dont see how because i find him so attractive... Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

I am a little confused by your post. You have a great relationship. Do you have great communication about difficult issues? Or do you avoid them? New relationships often "gloss over" points that might be difficult to bring up. That is natural. Until the "new" wears off we don't want to "rock the boat".

You state that you stay hard when doing everything else than anal penetration. I could get reasonably hard during fellatio, but not during coitus. That was because a mouth is a lot easier to get erect inside of than a vagina (I am straight), so my erection was hard enough for fellatio, but not coitus. You can see I am a little confused about exactly is your situation. Especially since you say that at times you can't get hard watching porn.

Masonjames is certainly spot-on. If you have a physical problem, all the psychological and relationship advice is good and helpful, but taking care of the physical will make it even more effective.

In any event, aside from the excellent advice from Dowmass, I have these suggestions:

Get a lot of lube, not just inside him, but slather it on between his butt-cheeks. Cuddle and spoon with him and slide your penis up and down between his cheeks until you are hard enough to penetrate his anus (and he is open enough for it).

Before doing that, you help him get cleaned out inside. Make it part of foreplay. (My girlfriend and I have been experimenting with anal penetration on me for prosate massage. I squirt about 6-12 ounces of body-temperature water inside my rectum and let it run out, then repeat at least three times or until the expelled water runs clear, whichever comes later.) Then I squirt about an ounce of lube in my rectum to make certain I am slick enough inside to be comfortable-a perfectly clean inner surface has a bit too much friction for comfort.) I repeat, make it foreplay.

Before even THAT, talk about what you plan to do. He may have issues, too. Listen and HEAR. Your relationship will be the better for it. Masonjames hinted at this. Communicate kindly.

It sounds like that it could be the act of “cleaning out” makes you uncomfortable and while waiting for this process you lose your erection. How is sex without penetration? Oral/JO/Masturbation? Do you still lose your erection? As a 53 y/o gay man, it’s a subject many of think about but rarely discuss openly. I am not sure of your experience level but this can cause anxiety for both tops and bottoms. The issue IMO is reality vs porn. While watching porn, bottoms get fucked for hours and take huge cocks and it appears it’s always spotless with no accidents. Reality is that shit happens. When a dick goes into an ass, there is a possibility that some poop may come out or be on your dick. How you handle it is the key. If you freak out then it causes the bottom to feel bad and can become a barrier for both partners. No bottom wants to have an accident back there and it’s a source of anxiety for many bottoms. Don’t try to set a standard that may be impossible to keep. Hope this helps. PM me if you would like to discuss further. Best wishes!

Jeff

PM9377 wrote:(edited for focus)
Everything about our relationship is great except that when it comes to him cleaning himself and getting ready to have intercourse

Have you tried showering together before intercourse? You could wash him as thoroughly as your fingers allow and it's great foreplay, too. You can even, while you wash his backside give him a little prostate massage.

Probably good to be verbal about what you are doing. This can be a turn-on, too.