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Hello fellow forum members.

An year ago I had a FWB, with whom I had only two sexual encounters. Due to fear of underperformance (I have erectile dysfunction), both times we only kissed, touched and I gave her oral (I also rejected her offer to return the favour). Nevertheless, being intimate together for the first time was a great experience (she really came twice), but the second time (after again having no penetration and receiving just oral), she became annoyed and stopped the act. Shortly after that she broke off with me. While its possible that this outcome was not entirely related to the lack of coitus (she had some personal issues/perhaps an old boyfriend reappeared?), it made me wonder.

Thus bringing me to this rather direct and intimate question - how important is for a woman to feel her partner inside? Do they get the most satisfaction from it, or from something else? (giving/receiving oral, etc.)

I strongly believe that penetration (like for example from the missionary position) gives women a unique emotional combined with physical experience, which cannot be replicated. The woman in a way feels dominated and both partners are turned on knowing the man is in control. Also, this probably increases the bond between the partners. Unfortunately, having ED gives me great insecurities and lack of confidence, regardless of kissing and oral skills.

It would be great to read your thoughts and suggestions related to this.


Best regards,
Eveningwood

I answered you question with a yes because you used the word "can". If you'd used a word like "does" or "will" I'd have just said maybe and not answered as you only gave two options. Penetration is important to some and not others. Some never climax from penetration and others need it. So I guess my answer would be that it's a crapshoot.

I'd have to say that in this case I think the "be honest" theory would have been a better path for you.

Wouldn't that depend on the woman?

My wife loves the feel of penetration. I will often pullout during sex and reinsert. If I do it several times in a row, she will have an orgasm.

bldoink wrote:I answered you question with a yes because you used the word "can". If you'd used a word like "does" or "will" I'd have just said maybe and not answered as you only gave two options. Penetration is important to some and not others. Some never climax from penetration and others need it. So I guess my answer would be that it's a crapshoot.

I'd have to say that in this case I think the "be honest" theory would have been a better path for you.

Hi bldoink.

Thanks for the input.

Regarding your first point - while I agree that penetration isn't important for some women, a total lack of (due to severe/not threated ED) would most likely destroy the sex life and most likely the relationship. I do not know of couples who have for example had had just oral sex, for let's say two plus years (perhaps there are, but such details are very intimate and I have not heard of someone sharing such, even over the internet). For friends with benefits or hook ups - it's even worse, since you are expected to perform on the spot, otherwise there will be no further meetings (since the girl is yet to emotionally invest in you).

Regarding the second point - I agree that honesty is the best policy. However, I genuinely believe most average women (aged 20-32) are not mature enough to handle such confessions. Such disclosure would be better to come after spending some time dating (for example - 6 months).

I can't agree. I think probably at least 20 to 25% of women would be happy without PIV penetration. I don't expect to change your mind.

The pre-hook-up honesty is not going to be appropriate in all cases but it sounded so in your described incident.

Here's one link for you but I'll let you do your own research:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic






Edited: To add a link.

EveningWood wrote:Regarding the second point - I agree that honesty is the best policy. However, I genuinely believe most average women (aged 20-32) are not mature enough to handle such confessions. Such disclosure would be better to come after spending some time dating (for example - 6 months).

My girlfriend is 30 and we met on FetLife. I told her before our first meet up that I had ED and she didn't care. She said she knows a good thing when it's presented to her and wasn't going to let that be a deterrent. Our first meeting was after she was with a dom she does not have penetrative sex with. We approached it as if I'd be providing the aftercare. We did everything but have penetrative sex the first two times we hooked up. We had a few attempts and I lost my erection each time. She still kept coming back to me. Finally, after upping my dose of PDE5 inhibitors to about 150mg of Sildenafil, we had intercourse and it was amazing for both of us.

Since that time, we've had lots of great sex but not without some failures on my end. Sometimes the pills work really well for me and other times not so much. Thankfully since I've added Trimix injections to the mix 2 to 3 times a week, with PDE5 inhibitors and PT141 on the in between injection days, we have more hits and phenomenal sex than misses (at least for now) but I still have off nights without the injections. When I lose my erection during penetration, we just move on to other things. We've incorporated porn we both enjoy into our sex. Dirty talk. Mutual masturbation. Toys. Various fetishes and kinks. I can still restrain and dom her without penetration and just have fun playing with her and making her cum without my penis involved.

I am honest with her about my PDE5 inhibitor and Trimix usage and my lifetime of frustration with ED. And we've also discussed an implant down the road. We've watched videos about the process and she's down with it but thinks I should wait until I'm 50 or older because our sex is fine right now even with my issues. She's never made me feel weird or unmanly about any of it. She likes when I do the injections because she likes seeing me not preoccupied with what my penis is doing/feeling and I'm more primal, confident, and really take it to her. At the same time, she also likes not having to take dick for 3 hours or see me doing pushups, taking Sudafed, and icing my penis to get myself down before falling asleep so she also welcomes the 5 minute quickies here and there where I'm not quite as firm or hard and have intermittent erections without the injection or a huge PDE5 dose. She does tease that we can make a lot of money on OnlyFans content and have a ton of fun at swinger parties once I'm bionic but also feels we can do all of that with just me aided by the injections.

Perhaps I've struck gold with the young open minded woman 18 years younger than me accepting me for what I am flaws and all. Maybe not every woman her age would be as understanding as her but don't see it as an impossibility. I've come to find that the more honest I am about my struggles and explorative I am with my sexuality the better my sex has become as I've gotten older despite the ED.

bldoink wrote:I can't agree. I think probably at least 20 to 25% of women would be happy without PIV penetration. I don't expect to change your mind.

The pre-hook-up honesty is not going to be appropriate in all cases but it sounded so in your described incident.

Here's one link for you but I'll let you do your own research:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic






Edited: To add a link.

Hi bldoink,

While I still respectfully disagree on the PIV topic, I enjoy and have learned a lot from your posts in many of the threads here.

Thanks for sharing this informative article. However, I think it only gives insights on ways to achieve female orgasm (which quite frankly is not that big of a deal to females). I think that women are more stimulated from the thrill of the act, the general mental stimulation and submission (a large part of which is from the penetration from the man). For a female, I would presume that being penetrated gives a unique mental/physiological thrill of bonding with your partner (simultaneously with the physical pleasure) which most likely cannot be achieved via oral, regardless if she is achieving orgasm or not.

Cozpgh wrote:

EveningWood wrote:Regarding the second point - I agree that honesty is the best policy. However, I genuinely believe most average women (aged 20-32) are not mature enough to handle such confessions. Such disclosure would be better to come after spending some time dating (for example - 6 months).

My girlfriend is 30 and we met on FetLife. I told her before our first meet up that I had ED and she didn't care. She said she knows a good thing when it's presented to her and wasn't going to let that be a deterrent. Our first meeting was after she was with a dom she does not have penetrative sex with. We approached it as if I'd be providing the aftercare. We did everything but have penetrative sex the first two times we hooked up. We had a few attempts and I lost my erection each time. She still kept coming back to me. Finally, after upping my dose of PDE5 inhibitors to about 150mg of Sildenafil, we had intercourse and it was amazing for both of us.

Since that time, we've had lots of great sex but not without some failures on my end. Sometimes the pills work really well for me and other times not so much. Thankfully since I've added Trimix injections to the mix 2 to 3 times a week, with PDE5 inhibitors and PT141 on the in between injection days, we have more hits and phenomenal sex than misses (at least for now) but I still have off nights without the injections. When I lose my erection during penetration, we just move on to other things. We've incorporated porn we both enjoy into our sex. Dirty talk. Mutual masturbation. Toys. Various fetishes and kinks. I can still restrain and dom her without penetration and just have fun playing with her and making her cum without my penis involved.

I am honest with her about my PDE5 inhibitor and Trimix usage and my lifetime of frustration with ED. And we've also discussed an implant down the road. We've watched videos about the process and she's down with it but thinks I should wait until I'm 50 or older because our sex is fine right now even with my issues. She's never made me feel weird or unmanly about any of it. She likes when I do the injections because she likes seeing me not preoccupied with what my penis is doing/feeling and I'm more primal, confident, and really take it to her. At the same time, she also likes not having to take dick for 3 hours or see me doing pushups, taking Sudafed, and icing my penis to get myself down before falling asleep so she also welcomes the 5 minute quickies here and there where I'm not quite as firm or hard and have intermittent erections without the injection or a huge PDE5 dose. She does tease that we can make a lot of money on OnlyFans content and have a ton of fun at swinger parties once I'm bionic but also feels we can do all of that with just me aided by the injections.

Perhaps I've struck gold with the young open minded woman 18 years younger than me accepting me for what I am flaws and all. Maybe not every woman her age would be as understanding as her but don't see it as an impossibility. I've come to find that the more honest I am about my struggles and explorative I am with my sexuality the better my sex has become as I've gotten older despite the ED.

Sounds like a great sex life mate, glad to hear that there are such women out there!

The point seems to be to find a compatible and understanding partner, and do your best to make things work.
Thanks for sharing your story!

Had to chime in here with my 2¢ worth.
Penetration is sex to its ultimate form. I will say any understanding woman will tolerate no penetration, for a while. Some women may leave after the first failure.

When my ED started I was mid-50. My wife was late 30's. We dealt with the changes best we could, on Viagra then Trimix. When those failed to produce an erection to enable me to penetrate her we moved to masturbation games. One night sometime later she told me "Masturbating just isn't doing it for me anymore" Holy Shit! Will she seek dick elsewhere?
I really doubt she would leave me, but how depressing. That's when I got serious about the implant.
So, in my opinion YES penetration is important.