New to the forum, searching for ED answerrs.
Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2023 1:35 pm
Hi All, new to the forum, age 71, married 43 years.
My ED started in my mid-fifties. I started with 10mg Cialis, which worked well for a while, but after a few years, I increased it to 20mg. In the past few years, things got progressively worse. I tried 100mg of sildenafil for a while, which was marginally effective, the switched to tadalafil for flexibility. Now back to 100mg of sildenafil. For the past few years, regardless of which med I used, I could get an erection at first, but it would not last long enough to achieve penetration. Erections seemed to be better when I was by myself, so it makes me think that at least part of the problem is performance anxiety. Until a few years ago, when I became mostly unable of having penetrative sex, our sex life had been pretty good. My wife has been patient, something of a trooper, putting up with me. After an unsuccessful attempt, I wind up finishing without penetrating, sometimes with some help from her hands and mouth. Oral sex is not satisfying enough for her. She has been willing to put up with different experiments. Tried fooling with a cock ring, but found it awkward, so set that aside for now.
In doing some research on this forum and elsewhere, I realized that maybe our routine was contributing to the problem. We have been using a "date night" scenario. Cocktails, romantic candlelit dinner with wine, maybe watch a movie, then bed. I like to start out making out on the couch, but she finds it physically uncomfortable, so we usually quickly move to the bedroom. Usually, I get an erection during the makeout section, only to lose it in the bedroom. Perhaps there is too much foreplay. I think the problem with this routine, is both a big meal and alcohol are counterproductive with respect to sildenafil effectiveness. The problem is that I only have an empty stomach first thing in the morning or evening just before dinner. She has ruled out mornings, and is uncomfortable with daylight hours. However, we talked and she has agreed to try just before dinner in a bedroom that we are able to darken considerably. She is self-conscious about her body, although she is in pretty good shape. Despite my telling here that her nude body is still a turn-on for me, she will agree only to dim lighting. I should also mention that part of her self-consciousness is because she had a lumpectomy in one breast 2 years ago, which left her with some mild disfigurement.
So, we have a new plan. Next time, we will schedule sex for just prior to the dinner hour, when my stomach can be relatively empty when taking the sildenafil, and no alcohol will have been consumed. I will also refrain from taking my usual dose of tamsulosin the night before, as I customarily do, to eliminate a possible interaction from that.
I miss both the physical and emotional intimacy. I think she does too, or she wouldn't keep leaving the door open to experiments. We love each other.
If you read this far, I thank you, and welcome any comments. I will also note that for now, at least, I am not interested in injections or an implant.
My ED started in my mid-fifties. I started with 10mg Cialis, which worked well for a while, but after a few years, I increased it to 20mg. In the past few years, things got progressively worse. I tried 100mg of sildenafil for a while, which was marginally effective, the switched to tadalafil for flexibility. Now back to 100mg of sildenafil. For the past few years, regardless of which med I used, I could get an erection at first, but it would not last long enough to achieve penetration. Erections seemed to be better when I was by myself, so it makes me think that at least part of the problem is performance anxiety. Until a few years ago, when I became mostly unable of having penetrative sex, our sex life had been pretty good. My wife has been patient, something of a trooper, putting up with me. After an unsuccessful attempt, I wind up finishing without penetrating, sometimes with some help from her hands and mouth. Oral sex is not satisfying enough for her. She has been willing to put up with different experiments. Tried fooling with a cock ring, but found it awkward, so set that aside for now.
In doing some research on this forum and elsewhere, I realized that maybe our routine was contributing to the problem. We have been using a "date night" scenario. Cocktails, romantic candlelit dinner with wine, maybe watch a movie, then bed. I like to start out making out on the couch, but she finds it physically uncomfortable, so we usually quickly move to the bedroom. Usually, I get an erection during the makeout section, only to lose it in the bedroom. Perhaps there is too much foreplay. I think the problem with this routine, is both a big meal and alcohol are counterproductive with respect to sildenafil effectiveness. The problem is that I only have an empty stomach first thing in the morning or evening just before dinner. She has ruled out mornings, and is uncomfortable with daylight hours. However, we talked and she has agreed to try just before dinner in a bedroom that we are able to darken considerably. She is self-conscious about her body, although she is in pretty good shape. Despite my telling here that her nude body is still a turn-on for me, she will agree only to dim lighting. I should also mention that part of her self-consciousness is because she had a lumpectomy in one breast 2 years ago, which left her with some mild disfigurement.
So, we have a new plan. Next time, we will schedule sex for just prior to the dinner hour, when my stomach can be relatively empty when taking the sildenafil, and no alcohol will have been consumed. I will also refrain from taking my usual dose of tamsulosin the night before, as I customarily do, to eliminate a possible interaction from that.
I miss both the physical and emotional intimacy. I think she does too, or she wouldn't keep leaving the door open to experiments. We love each other.
If you read this far, I thank you, and welcome any comments. I will also note that for now, at least, I am not interested in injections or an implant.