FrankTalk.org

58yo, healthy, fit, implanted, married man here. Let me preface this by saying that I’m appalled and ashamed of my behavior. My confession is when in public, I am always checking out (not ogling but furtive glances) women’s breasts and asses. If she is wearing yoga pants, I am looking for the outline of her thong. If I can see breasts, I am searching for hard nipples. In my mind’s eye, I am undressing these ladies and fantasizing! Add to that, an insatiable desire to view amateur, homemade porn. My marriage and sexlife is good and the obvious answer would be to stop, but it’s not that easy. I can’t believe they’re aren’t other men who do this and have these thoughts

This is a problem? I've done it all my life! I'll often comment on beautiful women to my wife when we're in public, and we'll have fun X-rated banter. She knows that feminine (and masculine) beauty and sex is life. And she has girlfriends stuck with depressed geezers who are dead but don't know it.

Lose your childhood Puritanical training and enjoy the scenery.

I find this type of behavior for myself and any man who see women foremost as tits and assess, repugnant. I want to see people first as fellow humans deserving of respect and valued for their intrinsic value and not their physical attributes.

Nothing wrong with admiring a beautiful women. Don't be so hard on yourself. after all we are only human.

tobenormalagain wrote:I find this type of behavior for myself and any man who see women foremost as tits and assess, repugnant. I want to see people first as fellow humans deserving of respect and valued for their intrinsic value and not their physical attributes.

Were you raised in he Catholic Church?

I have to admit if I see a sexy looking female I will look her over, but discretely. Especially if the wife is with. I see it as enjoying beauty, just as much as a lovely painting or a beautiful view in nature.
And don't think females don't check out guys because they do. Had an US tech checking out my package as I laid on the table. I've caught the wife eyeing up a guy a couple of times. It's human nature.

tobenormalagain
By your post it seems your are eating yourself up, and feel bad about your actions. That is not good for you.
I have read where many men have conquered their addiction of pornography by going to a nude beach, resort or even at home. I know, that seems hypocritical. But it would have to be with a different understanding of the body.
You might search for naturist websites and read their reasoning. If a picture of couple having sex pops up that is the wrong site.

If humans were not visually sexually drawn to one another the species never would have survived.

Thank goodness we are. Otherwise none of us would be here.

Feel appalled and ashamed about that if you wish. But I won’t be joining you.

tobenormalagain wrote:I find this type of behavior for myself and any man who see women foremost as tits and assess, repugnant. I want to see people first as fellow humans deserving of respect and valued for their intrinsic value and not their physical attributes.

I agree with whoever said that you're being too hard on yourself. Firstly, I don't think acknowledging someone's physical attributes means you're necessarily reducing them to those attributes; ontology is multidimensional: a person is as much their body as they are their less tangible characteristics. Moreover, what if someone, say a professional swimsuit or lingerie model, wants to be regarded for their appearance? I would further argue that if someone is wearing skin-tight yoga pants, they definitely want someone to notice. Secondly, we are, after all, a sexually dimorphic, sexually reproducing species; so, your behavior is perfectly natural.

Is the repulsion you feel due to a certain religious upbringing? Interestingly, Judaism doesn't share the same shame in this regard as Christianity. Judaism is typically held as orthopraxic, "right action," meaning that sin is incumbent not on what you think and feel, but on what you do. Adultery is a very specific action laid out by the Torah. This is different from Christianity, which is orthodoxic, "right mind," believing, not incorrectly, that actions proceed from thoughts and, thus, it is possible to commit adultery potentially through thought (cf., Matthew 5:28). Even still, I think most Christians would agree that we are only human, without simultaneously condoning such behavior.

That's just food for thought. However, if this is a shame due to a lapse in some stated commitment to feminism, it should probably be reminded that feminism is hardly monolithic; Wikipedia lists a significant number of unique categories each containing multiple subcategories. Feminism has also been divided between the "pro-sex" (Betty Dodson) and "sex-negative" (Andrea Dworkin, Catharine MacKinnon) camps, the former being non-judgmental towards sex; the latter being... fat and resentful

Sorry for the long-winded response. I just find this subject very interesting.

tobenormalagain wrote:I find this type of behavior for myself and any man who see women foremost as tits and assess, repugnant. I want to see people first as fellow humans deserving of respect and valued for their intrinsic value and not their physical attributes.

Ah yes the everlasting battle of nature vs nurture...