Hi Tom, Try this you just google it, radical prostatectomy ed recovery, you may find the answer there, it could be you have nerve problems, but do read about it.
have a read of this, it could help you and your wife, its something a found a couple of years ago.
The most important information I got from the convention was a method which makes it possible to have inter course with a flaccid or semi erect penis.
The following technique was described at the symposium: The man lies flat on his back, the women straddles him in a half kneeling position, leaning on her left knee, and on the right foot. This gives her room to manipulate with her right hand, She clamps the penis firmly but not to tightly at the base with her thumb and index finger (palm facing the mans body).This causes sufficient firmness to allow insertion. The women then sits firmly upon the penis. This approach permit she a wide range of movement and not only enables a considerable penetration but gives her the opportunity to rub her clitoris against her index finger.
When the erection is complete she may remove her hand and let her partner begin the active coital movement.
If for any reason this method doesn’t not, then the couple should try a special friction technique between a flaccid penis and the clitoris. The man lies flat on his back. The women lies on top of him in a prone superior position. She begins to embrace and kiss him passionately. Then she starts a belly dance movement to stimulate the penis. Later she assumes a position which enables her to rub her clitoris to the soft penis. By kissing her partner and the clitoris friction she will get aroused, which, in turn, will excite her partner. Then he may achieve a partial or full erection.
In the former case she used the clamping technique, and in the latter case she may start coitus by inserting his penis.
It appears that more and more men are losing their ability to have intercourse with a women without her active participation, there is very little a man can do to cure his own impotence and sympathetic woman can do it for him.
What you have read above comes from a 1970 Forum magazine, its from a piece written by Dr Eugene Scheimann, when he went to a swingers convention in Chicago, and this was a small part on impotence/ED, its so us men could have some kind of sex lives before drugs come to the front to overcome ED
As you can see it a way of have sex with out a full or semi erection, you may have to try it a couple of before you get it right, but a guy on says it dose work for him and well.
For a pump, have a look on
www.pegym.com there's the Bathmate you can have a look at, and I think your find some other pumps on there, if I'm right I think there is a section on pumps.
Do hope something here helps.
Good Luck