FrankTalk.org

Help! That is the main thing i feel right now, except depression and heavy anxiety!
I don´t know where to start. But this is my story.

It started early, in the beginning (17 years old) I had a hard time to get it up with a new partner, now down the line
(34 years old) I can´t get it up at all. I have used Viagra and Cialis since I was 27 years old and they work.
But I can feel a decline in how effective they are. but this is not my only problem.

I was diagnosed with Venous leak at 32 years old. Yes by medics doing the ultrasound.
The thing was….when they injected the stuff in my penis to get it hard so they could evaluate
how my blood was moving in my penis, nothing happened, I did not get hard at all.
They concluded that I had good inflow but as good outflow as in flow….No erection.

The strange thing is that Viagra and Cialis work pretty good. In fact they work from 50 mg Viagra and up
or 10 mg of Cialis. This makes me wonder if Venous leak is really the problem here.

well back to my story….I have ALWAY had problems in the bedroom.
I can´t get it up except using drugs, but when i do get hard, I have a flacid glad, I have SEVERE premature ejaculation,
an irritated prostate (done tests, no infection, bacteria and no enlargement, but during physical examination my prostate hurts).
I also have varicose veins on my left testicle. This makes my cum really small and i does´t really give my any pleasure.
I have had an orgasm about 10 times in my life….most of the times I ejaculate and it feels pretty good but def no orgasm.

I have now met the love of my life and she seems to be in to my as much as I am in to her.
I have managed to have some seriously good sex….with tons of Viagra AND desensitizing spray to help me not ejaculate.
Our successful sex session has been the best of my life and she tells me how awesome they have been and the she REALLY loves them.
THIS puts a lot of anxiety and pressure on me because I know what she really wants and I have to manipulate everything in my
system to be the guy who can basically fuck her they way she wants.

We have a long distance relationship (Sweden- USA) and we are planning to move in together.
I am SO STRESSED OUT!!!!! I basically know that in 10 years I will probably not function with drugs.
And on top of that…my premature ejaculation KILLS ME!!! I can go for 1 min MAX…and the scary part is….
If i masturbate….with out drugs….I´m no were near an erection….and I do ejaculate after about 1 minute anyway.
I don´t feel any pleasure at all, then ejaculation just happens…the shit leaks out and my orgasm is 100000 miles away from happening.
Especially when I´m soft and alone. I feel horrible about this…..I thing about it every day, every minute.

I am a super happy guy, funny, outgoing, driven, PASSIONATE, loving, good looking….I know she loves me for that….
But now….a few months in of our relationship my anxiety and depression hits me harder and harder.
I really want to be able to please her the way she wants and needs.
I do want to marry this girl, I do want to have her kids….but I´m afraid that my mental state because of this or/and
my sexual dysfunction will slowly make her pull back and end our relationship.
I feel I can´t be my self and this shit scares me to death!

She knows a little bit about my problems. She knows I´m on pills and that I have a dysfunction.
We can work around my premature ejaculation some times by basically not moving that much, just penetrating very very slow.
But this kills me. My nature is that I want to be able to make sweet sweet love sometimes and sometimes I just want to fuck
her hard (she does too) and we both LOVE it!

Masturbation is something I do but don´t give me any pleasure.
Sex is equal to anxiety and failure.
Orgasm is something I rarely experience.
I have a soft gland…
And my left ball hurts because of Varicose Veins!

My libido and sexdrive is super low because of this. At the same time I can´t stop dreaming of our intimate
moments. Where we connect on a deep level together while having sex.

I´m looking searching for help, remedies, tips, trix, etc to help me get improvement in all areas but I just
don´t know what to do and where to start.

I´m not on drugs, I´m not over weight (right now under weight because of my depression), I move around a lot, I eat healthy
jucing raw veggies and supplementwith, magnesium and k2+d3 vitmins.

I have tried shock wave therapy and it worked for 1-2 moths giving me a better erection with a amsaller amount of drugs.
But then I was back on square one.
How about horse chestnut, Pyconogenol, and other natural remedies….do they really help Venous leak as they claim?

HELP!!!!!!

Crying every day at home alone….Smiling thru the day…. but crying inside….

Dude!!!!!!

The Doppler they did, did they leave the room and tell you to stimulate yourself? Because if not, let's face it, you're on a medical bed being prodded and expected to get hard on your own. The stress alone will eliminate any hope you have.

Go to another centre and tell them to leave the room at the intervals and fondle yourself. It's such a stressful situation.

Have you not realised how many times you said stress and anxiety?

You, just like me, need some heavy heavy heavy duty counselling. And it's good she's on board.

They did leave the room but did never told me to fondle my self.
I want to do it again so they can have a look at me when I´m up and erect.

I do think that I have venous leak, but I can´t understand why I am completely out of order without the drugs.
I cant even start to get an erection. The drugs work but not as good as they used to.
The first time I just had a thought of sex and I got solid...now...i have to work it up.
Occasionally get half wood in my pants with some touching from my girl.

Yeah I do know that I have anxiety. To top it off, I can have a major down period. Like in the morning, and I can still
get an erection with drugs almost crying at the same time.

That kind of makes it hard to believe that it´s all in my head.

The feeling of being completely non functional with out drugs makes me feel like a half man.

I have an appointment for counselling this friday.

Well she is onboard but I believe I have to tell her the whole story.
Like how completely shitty I feel. We have only talked about it very briefly,
but she didn´t seem to react at all to that.

Dude, you're young. In the absence of injury, poor lifestyle or abnormal hormones this is in your brain. I believe so. I mean yes, it could be a weak pelvic floor or something similar but 'venous leak' unless it spots an ACTUAL leak point is just describing the blood going away quicker than it should.

I've had two dopplers to say I'm actually in good working order, one to say I wasn't: obviously the one that said I wasn't was a poorly run test. The point is to be stimulated to give the best erection possible.

You do realise erections are completely a mind body process right. We're not kids anymore that can just get hard by seeing a half naked woman for the first time.

You've experienced so many negative reference points like I have and you have INDOCTRINATED your brain to believe you have a physical problem. The problem, I'm sure, is in your head. Even if it is physical in nature, counselling will help.

I'm having a terrible morning. Normally I can masturbate and get a 100% erection, even if it will fade within a few seconds, but today I couldn't at all. I was just so stressed, fearful, anxious, worried, TENSE! sad. Is it any wonder I couldn't get hard?!

So now my main concern is my mind which gets worse by the day.

I'm seeing a counsellor today. But really I'm not so sure how much if at all they can help. I pray they can.

Wow, defiant, I think you've really come a long way.
I think the advice you've given is good although I haven't had experience with any of the tests.
From my own experience, I ALWAYS had PE with my wife when we were dating.
She was OK with that since she could reach orgasm without penetration or even digitally.
The funny part is that since our wedding night the PE disappeared completely.
That just shows how the brain can mess with us in so many ways.
My wife never said anything about my PE and I was surprised she still wanted to get married.
I guess that's love?

By the way, we'll be married 56 years this Friday the 16th.

Hmm about PE

If i have viagra or cialis I can lightly stimulate and paus, and stimulate and pause, she can suck me for a bit longer than I can penetrate her, that works pretty good, but if a stroke my self a little bit harder och quicker och if a penetrate her I´m all toast...

Ok lets say it´s my brain that creates this.
What can I consciously do about it.
Councelling?
Meditation?
Hypnosis?

crazy thing is...if I jerk off without drugs.....flacis like hell....I will cum about the same time as when I´m hard BUT with no controll at all to stop it. If I´m hard I can stop, and pause but I can´t even go for 10 sec after I paused for 10 sec...I can go back and forth like this but it´s not a lot of pleasure in it..just a way to keep it up...this applies when we have sex...same thing. I´m just balancing not getting flacid and not ejaculating.

Any thoughts?

Well look, this is me.

Noticed a decline in EQ at 21 after a bad episode in bed
From then on, I was always monitoring my erections
Slow and gradual increase in anxiety over the years = slow and gradual decrease in ability
Erections would fade without stimulation after about 5-10 seconds
Standing erections became a myth
Had a Doppler with no stimulation - Venous Leak diagnosed
Second Doppler 3 years later with specialists, told to touch myself, better erection but still what I would consider 50-60-% - No VL diagnosed, good numbers. Told it is likely psychogenic
Didn't believe it
Anxiety increased
Became dependent on Cialis
Day after day believed my ED was phsyical
Sought a third opinion 2 months ago - another Doppler - again, no VL or veno occlusive disorders found - psychogenic ED diagnosed
STILL, I lose erections quickly
I am still dependent on Cialis
My anxiety that even this will soon fail me is now becoming a reality.

Can't you see? The MIND controls you. Not many humans realise just how powerful their brain is. I truly believe that one day humans will do things we can't even imagine right now, just by thinking it. A psychological block is taking place.

Sometimes I notice a nocturnal erection.
Sometimes I notice a morning election
My dick will stay hard for at least 5-10 seconds before my nerves begin to win
After the first Doppler I couldn't get rid of the erection for an hour

My point IS! Performance anxiety can become chronic and debilitating. It can be deeply seated and severe especially in people who have OCD complexes or personalities.

Now even me telling you this at this point in time, I still am torn as to whether something phsyical is at play. I mean, I've written all of the above. It makes sense that the body is failing me for some reason right. I question it all the time. But I need to look at the facts:

Two dopplers say I have no VL
I have good bloodwork
No injury in the past
Plenty of sensation in the penis therefore precluding neurological deficits
I'm fit
I'm young
I'm strong

And what else do I know?! That I have a mind that WILL NOT QUIT.

JUST LIKE YOU.

I think we are very similar but perhaps your problem is even more deeply seated than mine. It is terrible. I know. I feel like I can't get another woman ever again and feel trapped in my relationship because she knows and is willing to help plus I don't have to fear that 'first time' again. Luckily I love her. But should it fall apart, I'm going to feel like I'm up shit creek.

Psychosexual counselling CAN help some men.
We need to also practice relaxation techniques
Digestion, sleep, AROUSAL, all depend on relaxation


For you:

GET ANOTHER DOPPLER and get it done properly, you must be allowed to stimulate yourself or watch porn. Something akin to that.

RULE OUT as many phsyical causes as you can, so get your heart work check, bloods, diabetes screening, see a physio for your pelvic floor.

BE OPEN with your partner, fully! BUT, don't make everything about you and your problem. It will push them away.

SEEK COUNSELLING. It will help no matter if it's 100% psycho or mixed with a physical route cause.

We CAN, we WILL overcome this.

Even if all else fails, there are other lines of treatment. Men with implants seem so happy, for the most part. Of course, I think we are light years from that. But it should give you a little reassurance.