delayed ejaculation with ed problems

[dsfan1983]

Greetings,

First time posting here, after looking over the site it seems like a top notch group of people.

I will keep my story as short yet informative as possible without boring anyone to tears.

Im a male, mid 20s. When I was I believe 11 or 12 I didnt quite realize what I was doing, and ended up fracturing my penis. Due to embarassment, I didnt end up going to a hospital.

It healed, after going to various drs that told me its in my head, one took me seriously and did a doppler. Surprise surprise, a lot of scarring and weak blood flow on one side.

On the plus side of things, after taking cialis once a day for about 2 years, it has seemed to help. I rarely lose my erection within 30 mins to a hour, it seems fuller, and as of the last doppler the scarring isnt as bad.

However, my main issue, by far... Delayed ejaculation.

Some days, it only takes me about half a hour with my gf (rare it seems like) most other times a hour, and unfortunately never.

From what ive read, 99% of the time its all mental. ive had this ever since my injury, for years I thought that this problem went hand in hand with ed, but according to a top notch uro, it doesnt. He told me he sees patients with zero blood flow, that have no issues. He went on to explain that its a spinal reflux, etc etc.

The same thing when im masturbating. I have noticed that I Do it more unusually than other people though, same with sex. If I dont kegel a lot while in the act, I simply wont fun, not good I know, I seem to be missing that subconscious or reactionary kegel that sets most people off.

I love my gf, I was never abused, both parents are still alive and married happily. I strongly dont think that its a mental issue, generally speaking im pretty aroused.

What has led me to post here though... Is the strain this is taking on me. Ive always avoided dating until now, because of this, and she seemed (and is) a very sweet girl that I figured wouldnt care too much, and according to her, I was right. She insists on coming to the uro with me, the same uro is sending me to a sex shrink who specialist in orgasmic issues.

Shes not a nympho by any stretch, she enjoys, and I Do mean that, the sex we have is great and she loses it. She gets off sometimes like a dozen times, the other day she even squirted... I suppose people with pe would think thats awesome, and in no means whatsoever am I trying to stroke my ego, but its not... Its terrible, seeing in her eyes what im missing when I cant even finish... Most times its almost a battle to get there. Im becoming, jealous, of how easy it is for her to get off. Not healthy, I know.

Up until I started seeing her this did bother me, but now its becoming a real problem.

Things could be worse, I know, you guys that have battled cancer probably think im being a sissy, and I dont blame you in the least.

Im currently seeing a chiropractor after having some xrays done by my doctor. The chiropractor said my lower back is in rough shape, I have a mild degenerative disc on the lower side that he says is interfering with my nerves that are connected to my lower region.

Also seeing a sex therapist next month, seeing my Dr to request a visit to a neurologist to make sure that this isnt anything serious (since it started when I was a kid, right after the injury I dont think its likely).

Not sure what else to do, if anyone has ANY useful information , please let me know.

Sorry this post went longer than I expected.

[antelope]

Good post, DSfan, You've outline the problem clearly and succinctly. Many of us (including me) deal with delayed ejac as well, though perhaps not as long as what you have experienced. According to what I can figure out, it's partly jsut part and parcel of generic ED from whatever cause. Along with that, there seems to be anecdotal evidence that it is also caused in part by the remedy--pill, shot, gel, pump, etc. So you're certainly not alone in this. One thing I have found, though, is that the delayed ejac is not as prouound as it was when I started trimix injections last October. I guess Little G is finally growing accustomed to action once again and beginning to respond better. My advice? Keep talking to the uro and keep practicing. Sounds like you've got a great partner. If you can find a way to relax, things may simple get better over time. Hang in there dude, you've got decades of great sex ahead of you.

Greg

[Frank Talk Admin]

DSfan
Welcome and sorry you have to be here. Yep, delayed orgasm and anorgasmia fall under ED problems. The whole subject is so interwoven it's impossible to separate them. Glad you are getting some good help and medical care. You are far from alone. Millions of men have D.O.
I'm sure you've tried all the sensitizing things like not masturbating for a few days before sex? Using lots of lube and using a very gentle touch when you do? Do you edge when having sex - about to orgasm, but don't? or even feel mounting tension toward orgasm? It must be so frustrating. You are so fortunate to have a girlfriend like that.
Also, for penile health, have you talked to your doctor about pumping? Ask him about it. Pumping could possibly help improve tissue health and blood flow. peyronies patients use it for that.
Lots of guys on here struggle with this same thing. They will post soon, I'm sure.
Paul

[dsfan1983]

Good post, DSfan, You've outline the problem clearly and succinctly. Many of us (including me) deal with delayed ejac as well, though perhaps not as long as what you have experienced. According to what I can figure out, it's partly jsut part and parcel of generic ED from whatever cause. Along with that, there seems to be anecdotal evidence that it is also caused in part by the remedy--pill, shot, gel, pump, etc. So you're certainly not alone in this. One thing I have found, though, is that the delayed ejac is not as prouound as it was when I started trimix injections last October. I guess Little G is finally growing accustomed to action once again and beginning to respond better. My advice? Keep talking to the uro and keep practicing. Sounds like you've got a great partner. If you can find a way to relax, things may simple get better over time. Hang in there dude, you've got decades of great sex ahead of you.

Greg

Howdy. Yeah, I definitely lucked out with a great girlfriend, no question, im very grateful.

Im glad to hear your de isnt as severe, and the shots work for you.



Definitely trying to relax... the reason I ended up posting on here about this is because I got so frustrated the other night when she started getting sore, and was practically keeled over for 5 minutes from the multiple times she got off. Never made a girl actually squirt, and when her genitles are squirting more than mine, it is definitely a problem.

However, she actually insisted I talk to her and tell her whats wrong (she could tell I was pissed), and with the exception of briefly telling my uro about it, this was the first time I ever spoke about it... I wept like a 10 year old. She was very understanding though, and it made me feel much much better, yet, the problem still remains.

What im going to try, and tell her as much, is that im not going to try to get myself there by doing kegels anymore... This is going to be really difficult, but if nothing is indeed wrong physically, it could simply be a matter of relaxing and reconditioning myself...??

Sent from my Sony Ericsson Xperia arc

[bluene]

Hi,
I don't know if I can help or not; I have a grandson your age so I'm on a different page than you, and he never asks my advice on anything! First of all, you've come to the right place and you're seeking all the right professional help. Also you have found a woman who is more understanding than a lot of ours are (except mine). Hang onto her!

On the physical front maybe you could try abstaining from intercourse and/or masturbating for a while and see if an orgasm might somehow build up. I have your problem, though not as severe, and I find that when I miss our usual session I come more quickly.

On the mental front I find that some porn before or even during sex can speed things up. Similarly watching yourselves in action with mirrors or a webcam gets the juices flowing. The eyes have a direct connection to the head. Also sometimes when I just give up working on the orgasm and decide to simply enjoy the sex, the orgasm comes out of nowhere and surprises me, which confirms what antelope said about relaxing. Being uptight is definitely an anti-aphrodisiac. Meantime it sounds like you and you gal are not doing too badly as it is. Like antelope also wrote, you've got decades of great sex ahead of you. I wish I could say the same.

[dsfan1983]

DSfan
Welcome and sorry you have to be here. Yep, delayed orgasm and anorgasmia fall under ED problems. The whole subject is so interwoven it's impossible to separate them. Glad you are getting some good help and medical care. You are far from alone. Millions of men have D.O.
I'm sure you've tried all the sensitizing things like not masturbating for a few days before sex? Using lots of lube and using a very gentle touch when you do? Do you edge when having sex - about to orgasm, but don't? or even feel mounting tension toward orgasm? It must be so frustrating. You are so fortunate to have a girlfriend like that.
Also, for penile health, have you talked to your doctor about pumping? Ask him about it. Pumping could possibly help improve tissue health and blood flow. peyronies patients use it for that.
Lots of guys on here struggle with this same thing. They will post soon, I'm sure.
Paul

Appreciate the advice, in response....

Ive given up masturbating about a week ago. Unfortunately, I do end up edging a couple times at least, and not by choice, its more like I can start to feel it but it goes away.

It is extremely frustating to put it lightly.

I have heard of the pumping thing before yeah, I guess it cant hurt to try, I will mention it.

I found this interesting... I told my chiropractor everything today, and you know what his response was? Since I never had any real injury to be causing my back to be really stiff and sore, he thinks my back issues are related to the fracture I had. He went on and on about the specifics, but I cant recall them.

He then did some testing on my pelvic area, and he believes that its mis aligned by quite a bit, which he says could definitely be causing my D.O. He says hes going to start working that area some.

When I see my family Dr next week im going to see what his opinion is on this.

[dsfan1983]

Hi,
I don't know if I can help or not; I have a grandson your age so I'm on a different page than you, and he never asks my advice on anything! First of all, you've come to the right place and you're seeking all the right professional help. Also you have found a woman who is more understanding than a lot of ours are (except mine). Hang onto her!

On the physical front maybe you could try abstaining from intercourse and/or masturbating for a while and see if an orgasm might somehow build up. I have your problem, though not as severe, and I find that when I miss our usual session I come more quickly.

On the mental front I find that some porn before or even during sex can speed things up. Similarly watching yourselves in action with mirrors or a webcam gets the juices flowing. The eyes have a direct connection to the head. Also sometimes when I just give up working on the orgasm and decide to simply enjoy the sex, the orgasm comes out of nowhere and surprises me, which confirms what antelope said about relaxing. Being uptight is definitely an anti-aphrodisiac. Meantime it sounds like you and you gal are not doing too badly as it is. Like antelope also wrote, you've got decades of great sex ahead of you. I wish I could say the same.

Any sort of response is helpful.

Yeah, porn can sometimes help. Im usually quite aroused though, and I havent masturbated in a week, it doesnt really seem to matter providing I didnt already get off that day.

You may be on to something though about the visual, I find the position that works the best usually results in my face being in a pillow. If we go at it tonight, im going to force myself to be as relaxed as possible before and during, but it just doesnt seem like it helps... Im starting to strongly believe my pelvic area is screwy, which according to Google and my chiropractor could be producing this sort of thing.

Appreciate your post.

[Genome]

dsfan......I totally understand your situation. I have the same problem. It is difficult and sometimes impossible for me to have an orgasm. It started in my youth and has progressively gotten worse decade by decade. Research by Berman et. al. indicates our condition may be the result of the failure of our bodies to release adequate amounts of the chemical...oxytocin ....which triggers orgasm...then makes you lose your erection and then give you that relaxed, sleepy feeling. Berman found that the administration of oxytocin as a nasal spray...when you are ready to orgasm...will trigger your orgasm when you want it. I may try this approach in the future. Jerry

[dsfan1983]

dsfan......I totally understand your situation. I have the same problem. It is difficult and sometimes impossible for me to have an orgasm. It started in my youth and has progressively gotten worse decade by decade. Research by Berman et. al. indicates our condition may be the result of the failure of our bodies to release adequate amounts of the chemical...oxytocin ....which triggers orgasm...then makes you lose your erection and then give you that relaxed, sleepy feeling. Berman found that the administration of oxytocin as a nasal spray...when you are ready to orgasm...will trigger your orgasm when you want it. I may try this approach in the future. Jerry

its nothing short of awful...

I remember hearing about this before actually... any particular reason why you havent tried this before?

If this was the case for us, would it not happen all the time...?? my issue seems situational, its never less than 20 minutes though.

[Genome]

Same here, buddy. Depends on how stimulated I am.....but still takes a heck of a lot of effort. I have not had an orgasm in my wife for about 2 years. Just not enough stimulation to get over the edge. And wanking takes much effort. This problem is much more common than I thought. For many people it is psychological. For others it is physiological. Mine grew worse every decade.