FrankTalk.org

Both before and after surgery I've read everything I could find on the web, including the much-comforting writings on FrankTalk regarding the consequences of radical prostatectomy. Nonetheless, nothing has prepared me for dealing with the slowly creeping depression I've been feeling. Perhaps some of it has been due to the limitations surgery placed on me such as swollen testicles that lasted almost a week and limited my ability to move. Perhaps some is due to the need for the incontinence guard and its uncomfortableness. Thankfully, I have started weaning myself off of the guard.

But, perhaps, the most discouraging factor is the condition my buddy Willie is in. I was never going to be a porn star, even minor league, yet, where is he? I know that the length is reduced because of the need to reconnect the remaining urethra to the bladder results in some penile shortening, but how much? I guess the internal battle is between the healing bladder muscle and the muscle-free urethra, and as the former is stronger, it tends to win out, and pull on the urethra. But it seems, that whenever I have to stand and urinate, I have to unfold Willie from the surrounding area (and I am circumcised), yet, when on my back, Willie seems to make his presence more known. Go understand.

The other depressing element, and perhaps only time will cure, is the totally flaccidity (granted, it's only been four weeks since surgery). No amount of sweet-talk or manipulation, even to orgasm, gives me any idea that someday Willie will stand on his own, even with chemical or tubal help.

Sure, most if not all, of us have been at this point, so I'm just crying to the choir, but any ideas on how to get my head straight and reduce the depre4ssion?

Thx

Dear friend,

It's my understanding that depression is not unusual after almost any kind of surgery. Fortunately, I have not experienced that. I did have 8 hours of open heart surgery 4 years ago but was never sad or droopy a minute--neither before no after. However, I WAS sad, droopy, depressed, and all that for quite some time when Little G finally refused to respond at all to any stimulation. Yes, I could jack myself to completion with a softie, but that's no substitute for a hard-on. The frustration and loneliness caused by a lack of intimacy are only made worse by the repeated failure of every solution I tried. Then lo and behold I had my first trimix injection a year ago this week. And in one instant, all that was over. there's nothing like hard wood to put a smile on your face and a spring in your step.

What I'm telling you is that you're not alone and that there is hope out there. Try to be patient as you heal from your surgery, and be very proactive in seeking penile rehab. Whether that means pumping, using pills, whatever. Get it done. And if the pills don't work to your satisfaction, don't fiddle around. My mantra was "this is not acceptable". Feel free to use that one. It certainly got the attention of everyone on my medical team. Fortunately, everyone involved was very supportive and (almost) as eager to find a solution as I was.

I go next week for my 1 year follow-up with the uro. I'm wondering if he'll want to see Little Gregory in all his glory! Whatever, I'm ready.

Hang in there my friend. There is a solution for you.


Greg

Sabone:

I hear you!! I experienced much of the same darkness after surgery; it is not uncommon. Now, if this gets too bad or lasts too long of time periods talk with your doc at once and get some help. I had an understanding with my doc that if the darkness lasted more than 36 hours or just kept coming back, I would see him and we would proceed to address the issue. We must understand that the depression will inhibit our recovery and return of sexual function; not a good thing! It is not a time to be macho over this- it is not a weakness but another sh tty result of the assault on us from the PCa.

If you sex drive has returned- use him and use him often!! You are so close to post-op that expecting much hardness or size is probably not realistic. But, the sensations of stimulation are important and they not only feel good they are a part of the process to awaken the nerves and components down there to the pleasures that await. I would also suggest you consider getting a Prelude (see the Pumping Treatment Section). It is a soft vac and will begin the process of returning blood to your shaft. It is not good for sex but I found it to be very helpful not only for him but my mind as you can see him return to size and length and it is reassuring just to look down and see some progress. They are not expensive and come in 2 sizes depending on your girth not length. The company who sells them are very helpful and easy to talk with.

Get back to your regular routine as much as possible and get out in this world and do stuff- whatever. Keeping yourself busy and engaged is important. Attend a basketball game or start walking again. Keeping you and your mind active and focused on other things is important. Within 2 weeks after my surgery I attended (to the complete frown of my surgeon) a Purdue Football game; it was a great day and no one knew my recent surgery experience nor cared. It helped!! I was exhausted when I got home- but it was a good thing!


If there is anything I can help with, please let me know. Will be happy to chat or talk by phone. You took a major step to ask- it will get better and the days will brighten. But, there will be a different sexual normal and it will take time to find it. Just remember Penile Rehab can be fun. So start early and practice often!!

Regards,

Dick

Hi Sabaone,

I developed Erectile Dysfunction (ED) Post Prostatectomy in February 2004.
Viagra, Cialis, etc. did not work for me at all.
The combination of dealing with Prostate Cancer and ED at the same time left me deeply depressed.
In April 2004 I started attending meetings of the USTOO Prostate Cancer Support Group at Hackensack University
Medical Center in Bergen County, New Jersey.
Since then I have attended almost every monthly meeting and am currently Co-Chairman of the Hackensack Group.
Being able to speak candidly with other Prostate Cancer survivors about common problems has been tremendously helpful for me and I am blessed to be able to share my experiences with other men who have recently been diagnosed and/or
treated for Prostate Cancer.
I would recommend that you go online to www.USTOO.org and look for a Chapter near you.
Also, in December 2007 I underwent a Coloplast Titan Penile Implant Procedure which totally corrected my ED and
restored both my sex life and the emotional intimacy with my wife of 45 years.
I share this with you to let you know that there is definitely life as you knew it after a Prostatectomy.

I hope this has been helpful.

Bob