My old pump and I. A home-spun pump story.
Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2023 3:51 am
VED for yous modern guys. This is the story of me.
This story is true. I don’t embellish. A technical writer. Born 1964.
Embarrassing to type out? Yes. Oh yes. Years of pent up? Yes. Type the feelings out.
After 58 years and 3+ decades being married, F-it. Type. I think I’m in good company thankfully.
I was blessed. Wanting more in my 40‘s, I put together a pump.
Started early in life with the thought of a ridiculed fellow high schooler for sticking his dick in a vacuum cleaner tube.
Mart (not me) happened to mention that to someone and you know how it went. Not good of course.
Kind of a smart ass but I understood him. He thought outside the box. Slightly pervish.
He thought of a local nudist colony. I didn’t then, yet still understood.
Ssshhh, don’t tell anyone you might think outside the box in your teens or 20‘s... Ridicule.
Years later: Hmmm, a vacuum..... Had one hanging in the ceiling of the shop ready to go.
An old 50's or 60‘s Electrolux or something. Gosh, I don’t recall now... Still there. Still works.
I was a bit too large to fit inside. Didn’t know I was big. I was just me.
Had a chunk of 2“ ID pvc pipe in the shop, machined one end rounded not to be sharp, added duct tape to the outside of the metal vacuum hose end to fit snugly inside the pvc pipe. The tape is still there.
Oh my goodness! That felt good.
Get your crank to vibrate inside the tube, took some doing but holy shxt, that felt spectacular!
I never popped doing that but it sure would’ve been satisfying.
Had high hopes with a 15“ tube.
Later still: I got an old Mighty-Vac pump some yrs ago: Drilled and tapped the old tube 1/8 npt, grabbed a yellow can cap, taped it on, added a brass elbow and used a piece of rubber hose laying about to connect with the Mighty-Vac pump.
Meant for bleeding brakes on your car but works great for a penis pump.
A no-money pump.
2023: The old pump has been repaired more times than worth describing with pop-sickle sticks, flat tin, screws, a washer, wire, tape and a piece of 1/4 bolt/threaded rod to pull the piston.
I broke it a lot over the yrs.
Still working.
Shortened the tube to a more manageable 10“ and trying, trying to get my 8x2 honest inches back.
I’m up to 5-6. F-ing embarrassing. Like ol’ Gordy said a long time ago as I walked into the parts store:
It’s short but it’s tick.
Good luck Sam Ting. Even my handle here is an old home-spun saying.
Had a great grandpa that was tall like me, I have his big hands. Relatives look at my hands.
God, how I hate ED I write so I don't explode.
Much like the old joke about women's farts. If I didn't fart, I'd explode. No one will get that.
Stiff upper lip.!
This story is true. I don’t embellish. A technical writer. Born 1964.
Embarrassing to type out? Yes. Oh yes. Years of pent up? Yes. Type the feelings out.
After 58 years and 3+ decades being married, F-it. Type. I think I’m in good company thankfully.
I was blessed. Wanting more in my 40‘s, I put together a pump.
Started early in life with the thought of a ridiculed fellow high schooler for sticking his dick in a vacuum cleaner tube.
Mart (not me) happened to mention that to someone and you know how it went. Not good of course.
Kind of a smart ass but I understood him. He thought outside the box. Slightly pervish.
He thought of a local nudist colony. I didn’t then, yet still understood.
Ssshhh, don’t tell anyone you might think outside the box in your teens or 20‘s... Ridicule.
Years later: Hmmm, a vacuum..... Had one hanging in the ceiling of the shop ready to go.
An old 50's or 60‘s Electrolux or something. Gosh, I don’t recall now... Still there. Still works.
I was a bit too large to fit inside. Didn’t know I was big. I was just me.
Had a chunk of 2“ ID pvc pipe in the shop, machined one end rounded not to be sharp, added duct tape to the outside of the metal vacuum hose end to fit snugly inside the pvc pipe. The tape is still there.
Oh my goodness! That felt good.
Get your crank to vibrate inside the tube, took some doing but holy shxt, that felt spectacular!
I never popped doing that but it sure would’ve been satisfying.
Had high hopes with a 15“ tube.
Later still: I got an old Mighty-Vac pump some yrs ago: Drilled and tapped the old tube 1/8 npt, grabbed a yellow can cap, taped it on, added a brass elbow and used a piece of rubber hose laying about to connect with the Mighty-Vac pump.
Meant for bleeding brakes on your car but works great for a penis pump.
A no-money pump.
2023: The old pump has been repaired more times than worth describing with pop-sickle sticks, flat tin, screws, a washer, wire, tape and a piece of 1/4 bolt/threaded rod to pull the piston.
I broke it a lot over the yrs.
Still working.
Shortened the tube to a more manageable 10“ and trying, trying to get my 8x2 honest inches back.
I’m up to 5-6. F-ing embarrassing. Like ol’ Gordy said a long time ago as I walked into the parts store:
It’s short but it’s tick.
Good luck Sam Ting. Even my handle here is an old home-spun saying.
Had a great grandpa that was tall like me, I have his big hands. Relatives look at my hands.
God, how I hate ED I write so I don't explode.
Much like the old joke about women's farts. If I didn't fart, I'd explode. No one will get that.
Stiff upper lip.!