Implant Discussion - VL Suspected - Suicidal Thoughts - Help Please

[Icebergllama]

Hello,

I am struggling with what I am 99% sure is venous leak. I have been struggling with ED since 2015 and I have been prescribed Tadalafil. I haven’t taken any for intercourse to test it out because my girlfriend just completed her 2nd chemo treatment (Hodgkins Lymphoma). Couple of reasons I think I have VL...

- My erections are very position dependent. I do get morning wood, but if I roll over that’s that.

- I have a girlfriend who is beautiful and I’m definitely attracted to, but have not been able to get hard enough for PIV sex. She has been very patient and ok with “hand to hand combat” thus far.

- The sensitivity has really been reduced and has only gotten worse with time.

- I’m 6’1, 160 pounds and 28 years old. My blood pressure is great and my levels are stable including testosterone.

I am not going to run from the inevitable if an implant is necessary to get back any chance of a healthy sex life. I went to a uro last week and all he did was prescribe tadalafil, I told him about my fear of VL and he said come back in a month and we’ll do a Doppler ultrasound if those don’t work, but I’m not passing go.

I have had suicidal thoughts racing through my head all week when I first heard about PI’s and how it’s seems to be the only satisfactory step forward for VL. The idea of having a device put in me to replace the equipment I came with has shaken me. However, I am starting to come to grips with the fact that a PI may be my future. After doing more research I am finding good things including this forum and some VERY helpful advice on what NOT to do (litigation surgery). I like hearing that I can still do everything from before only without spontaneity that is satisfactory to my partner as well. Still the idea of hollowing out functional (albeit barely) tissue and installing a device that is permanent is just hard to swallow. I still want to have sex when I’m young, so I may not wait terribly long depending on what my diagnosis is. I plan on seeing a second uro ASAP.

I’m here for recommendations. How have those of you with implants fared thus far? How long have you had it? What brand did you get? Who installed? Anything else you would like to share is appreciated as well, including age and mental state.

Thank you.

[vajim1]

Life can give you many ups and downs as I have found but you must remain positive through out to survive and enjoy it. For me I now have an implant and my wife LOVES it! You have not come close to an implant yet, try the pills, Ved, and then injections. Implants are the last choice but are great when needed.
Hope I helped Jim

[Frederickdave]

You cant treat what you dont know. Go see a good urologist and get a proper diagnosis. I was right where you were. I ended up with an implant after trying all the other methods recommended by the doctor. They see people like us all day long. Be patient and trust your urologist. There is a cure and you'll be back in the saddle sooner than you know. Make it happen!

[GoodWood]

First things first. PLEASE let someone you trust know that you are thinking about killing yourself. You shouldn’t be struggling with this alone. We are all just a bunch of (very nice) guys here sharing their experiences with ED. We aren’t equipped to deal with suicide.

Even if you do have erectile dysfunction, that is no reason to kill yourself. There are a variety of solutions. Lots of us have struggled with despair and depression along the way but there are lots of guys here who have great, satisfying sex lives. I’m definitely one of them.

You are under tremendous stress. The woman you love is sick. That’s really difficult. As things straighten out and that illness passes your sexual function may improve.

But even if it doesn’t improve there are a number of different treatments before you get to an implant.

And even if an implant is ultimately the right solution for you, it’s not the end of the world. The. Guys on here with implants tend to LOVE them. They can get as hard as they want, for as long as they want, whenever they want. Who else can say that?!?

I have a deeply satisfying marriage and an adventurous, active sex life using viagra or trimix, depending on the desired activities. My sex life is awesome. And the loving intimacy is even better.

Hang on. Don’t let go. I know is seems like you are going through hell right now. But when you are going through hell, keep going. Don’t stop.

[DaveKell]

I'd just like to address your stated suicidal ideations. I'm the oldest of four siblings. At the age of 42 our father pulled his car in the garage and axphyxiated himself. We had no warning signs of this. Every year, on the anniversary Of Elvis' death, I'm reminded of how long ago it was. My dad killed himself at the same age Elvis died, two months before Elvis' demise. I'll tell you bluntly what it does to those you leave behind. They immediately hate you to their very core. I personally destroyed every photo I had of my father and to this day consider him to be a coward. I even considered legally changing my name since I am a Junior who carries his name. My siblings and I never talk about him. Suicide is devastating to those you leave behind. I'll readily admit my own severe ED issues had me suicidal for a time. Had I done it at the time, my only daughter, the last of my 3 children, would never have been born. More importantly, I'd have never known my 4 grandkids who adore me. ED is eminently treatable now. I'm 66 and consider the sex I'm having now to be the best of my life. Coincidentally, I read in a Psychology Today magazine the oldest son of a man who committed suicide is 7 times more likely to do the same. I'm the oldest. My perceived loss of my manhood was nearly impossible for me to accept. I saw no desirable life in my future. We've lost a few already on this forum to suicide. It's not even remotely an option to consider.

[stephen54]

Hello,

I am struggling with what I am 99% sure is venous leak. I have been struggling with ED since 2015 and I have been prescribed Tadalafil. I haven’t taken any for intercourse to test it out because my girlfriend just completed her 2nd chemo treatment (Hodgkins Lymphoma). Couple of reasons I think I have VL...

- My erections are very position dependent. I do get morning wood, but if I roll over that’s that.

- I have a girlfriend who is beautiful and I’m definitely attracted to, but have not been able to get hard enough for PIV sex. She has been very patient and ok with “hand to hand combat” thus far.

- The sensitivity has really been reduced and has only gotten worse with time.

- I’m 6’1, 160 pounds and 28 years old. My blood pressure is great and my levels are stable including testosterone.

I am not going to run from the inevitable if an implant is necessary to get back any chance of a healthy sex life. I went to a uro last week and all he did was prescribe tadalafil, I told him about my fear of VL and he said come back in a month and we’ll do a Doppler ultrasound if those don’t work, but I’m not passing go.

I have had suicidal thoughts racing through my head all week when I first heard about PI’s and how it’s seems to be the only satisfactory step forward for VL. The idea of having a device put in me to replace the equipment I came with has shaken me. However, I am starting to come to grips with the fact that a PI may be my future. After doing more research I am finding good things including this forum and some VERY helpful advice on what NOT to do (litigation surgery). I like hearing that I can still do everything from before only without spontaneity that is satisfactory to my partner as well. Still the idea of hollowing out functional (albeit barely) tissue and installing a device that is permanent is just hard to swallow. I still want to have sex when I’m young, so I may not wait terribly long depending on what my diagnosis is. I plan on seeing a second uro ASAP.

I’m here for recommendations. How have those of you with implants fared thus far? How long have you had it? What brand did you get? Who installed? Anything else you would like to share is appreciated as well, including age and mental state.

Thank you.

Listen...you have stress coming at you from all angles. It all sounds and feels overwhelming. Of course. So maybe it will help you to just hear and understand that the guys on this forum have seen and felt it all, and you, my friend, are living at a time where living better by chemistry and by modern technology is very real...and this forum is filled with guys who have seen every dark corner of despair over their disobedient dicks; and we've also experienced the crazy amazement of what modern medicine is now capable of. Take time to sift through the forum topics here. Patiently read up. There's a wealth of crazy good information from guys of all ages and guys with the entire spectrum of challenges which led them into ED.

I'm 54. But libido and mindset of a 19 year old when it comes to sex. Have always been hyper-sexual. Am remarried to a little sexual animal. Wide open, collaborative communication with her all along the way. No substitute for that. The right girl will embrace your vulnerability in sharing with her, bluntly, what you're going through, and intimacy only deepens when all of this is a shared discussion and a shared endeavor to get back to and maintain whatever sex life it is you both want. Had my Titan Touch implanted 3 weeks ago. Not sure where you live but I used Dr. Laurence Levine in Chicago (Rush University Medical Center). Extremely happy with his approach, expertise, and capabilities from all I know at this juncture.

All I can say is that I was also shaken and confused in my early 30s when it started to become obvious my dick was not able to do what it used to be able to do. It was depressing, for sure. But mostly only depressing during the period of time I debated it and buried my head in the sand and did nothing about it. On came the pills, Viagra, etc, all of them. They helped for awhile. They brought some blood pressure variability and nasty headaches and terrible nasal congestion...but I had a lot of good sex and I was thankful for a handful of years. Then when those lost effectiveness, it was easier for me to look at injections. It left me a little shaken, again, for a little while, grappling with the idea that, what the hell, now I'm sticking needles in my dick?! WTF?! That's just great (sarcasm intended). Then I found out how insanely well my dick responded to injections. I got 7 years of teenager-style, crazy, rock hard, 1-2 hour session sex. Felt like an absolute God. Blew her mind what was possible, and this was through my mid to late 40s. I also have a venous leak.

Then, of course...the injections' effectiveness slowed and lessened over time. It's just the unavoidable reality of physical tolerance to any drug. So I can only speak for myself, but I found it very ok and very easy over the recent 2 years to start methodically researching the final frontier - implants. Read up, lurked here, talked to some of the guys, and devoured all the information I could read on every angle of implant technology and experiences. The more I read, the more I felt steadied and at peace with my decision to implant. Again, I can only tell you my view here, but I...love...sex. In all its forms. And frequently. So for me, when pills waned...I pursued needles. When needles waned...I pursued implant. And I made myself understand that - no, every medical intervention aimed at my dick was not going to restore things to my teens and 20s fully functioning state...but at the end of the day, how I got there was always less important to me than the simple fact that I got there. I was able to have excellent sex with pills for awhile and I was able to have excellent sex with injections for many more years than pills gave me. Then it was pills and injections in combination. And now I've got a Titan and I'm ecstatic to get it going. No looking back.

Make sure you get another opinion. A very thorough one, from the best urologist you can find and afford. Watch out for bias; ie, docs who seem driven, regardless of what you say or what you share with them, toward any specific, pre-determined approach. Most benefit from going through a step-wise approach, being diligent in working methodically and thoughtfully through pills, vacuum device, injections...the implant is always going to be there, and they're only getting better and better.

Keep talking to this group of guys. Everyone is here to support and share. There is kick-ass sex out there waiting for you, man. There just is. Maybe just think about ways you can try to shed your old mindset about what a 28 year old dick should be, how it should get hard, etc. I think the challenge can sometimes be us just nudging and altering our expectations and our deeply entrenched beliefs on what this means and what that means. Too much background noise in our heads. Focus on the goal here. Maybe de-emphasize the methodology in getting to it?

Just my thoughts...obviously you've got to check these against your own. Just suggesting that the angst and second-guessing serves no one. Get yourself to a world class urologist. Tell us how you're doing.

[Gt1956]

As you read through many of the past threads you'll see one piece of advice repeated many times. Patience! The medical profession has protocols set up for most health issues. These are step by step things that they do.
Your doctor will prescribe pills for you. You need to take them & report back how they worked. After a few months of the pills not working he should move to the next step. This takes time & you, as the patient, must follow the doctors instructions before he'll move you to the next step. Insurance companies require written proof that you have been through all of the prior steps. Before they'll move to the very last step, an implant.
So it sounds to me like you are on step one. If you are not a good patient ie you take your pills. It is unlikely that your doctor will move you to the next step. Help your doctor help you. Follow his instructions correctly.
You need to prove that each step doesn't work before you get to the last, implant, step. Resolve yourself to be that good patient so that your doctor can get you to a step that works for you.

[Icebergllama]

Thank you for the replies and well wishes. I am trying to keep my head up.

[Johnnypoppy]

Such great comments from Stephen and other guy about his Dad. I hope you can use this site as a resource to help you though.
I am 3 days into recovery. Just starting to turn the corner of pain and it actually wasn’t so bad
.
Their is so much out there to help you. You have to continue with pills and go from there. It if you do end up with an implant, the hardest part is deciding on doing it and whether it’s the right thing to do. There are Amazing surgeons, and tons of info out there.
I send you my best wishes and good luck!

[Icebergllama]

I'd just like to address your stated suicidal ideations. I'm the oldest of four siblings. At the age of 42 our father pulled his car in the garage and axphyxiated himself. We had no warning signs of this. Every year, on the anniversary Of Elvis' death, I'm reminded of how long ago it was. My dad killed himself at the same age Elvis died, two months before Elvis' demise. I'll tell you bluntly what it does to those you leave behind. They immediately hate you to their very core. I personally destroyed every photo I had of my father and to this day consider him to be a coward. I even considered legally changing my name since I am a Junior who carries his name. My siblings and I never talk about him. Suicide is devastating to those you leave behind. I'll readily admit my own severe ED issues had me suicidal for a time. Had I done it at the time, my only daughter, the last of my 3 children, would never have been born. More importantly, I'd have never known my 4 grandkids who adore me. ED is eminently treatable now. I'm 66 and consider the sex I'm having now to be the best of my life. Coincidentally, I read in a Psychology Today magazine the oldest son of a man who committed suicide is 7 times more likely to do the same. I'm the oldest. My perceived loss of my manhood was nearly impossible for me to accept. I saw no desirable life in my future. We've lost a few already on this forum to suicide. It's not even remotely an option to consider.

My heart goes out to you and I appreciate the tough love.