Accidentally Viewed Porn... Great Result!

[DaveKell]

I recently picked up a small tv with a built in VHS tape deck to use to view our home movies from when our kids were little. The other day I turned it on and discovered the people who sold it had left a tape in it. I pressed play and was momentarily surprised to be watching a high quality porn movie. I've never been into porn at all, just never saw the point of watching people do what I myself could do anytime I wanted. That was, of course, before my now 10 year battle with ED. A few minutes into the viewing I was even more surprised that I had a rock hard erection for the first time in recent memory which I immediately took in hand and utilized to its fullest. A couple days ago I had an appointment with my family doc and told him this story. Last time I saw him I told him of my plan to have an implant. He told me I should reconsider that decision after this recent development. Also, the doppler I had showed no problems with blood flow. I'm afraid in all honesty my problem is with a lack of attraction to my wife, which she does not deserve. I don't know how to remedy that though. I am on T therapy and often find myself noticing much younger women. If I still looked like I did even 20 years ago I'd have a shot with them, but no more. I've been married to an incredibly supportive woman for 33 years who is patiently waiting for me to fix this issue however I choose. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore.

[Minnesota]

Porn can be a great tool! Maybe when you and your wife are want to dance horizontal, you can be game it with porn? I know a lot of couples watch porn together, but it can be a big hurdle for women to get over.

[danny1553]

I am on T therapy and often find myself noticing much younger women. If I still looked like I did even 20 years ago I'd have a shot with them, but no more. I've been married to an incredibly supportive woman for 33 years who is patiently waiting for me to fix this issue however I choose. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore.

Hi DaveKell

Check if your T-level is good enough. In my case at some point time I almost completely lost interest to sex but then got it back with the T-shots. However I was not satisfied and told the doc. He send me for another blood test, then again and again. Each test was coming with a result of the testosterone being at the lower end. I mentioned that I would want to have the level 2/3 from the max. The doc agreed that in my age it is completely fine. So we were increasing dosage until I've reached 200mg weekly. Now I feel great and the number of sexually attractive women around is skyrocketing .
Well my venous leak holds me back but still my wife is quite happy when I demonstrate the passion and a slight aggression (with a help of the constriction ring )

I think there is no such a thing as a sexually unattractive women, there is just lack of testosterone .
Ask your doc whether or not in your case you can increase it.

[rodend]

Porn is great, I have enjoyed it for many years.

[DaveKell]

A solid erection happened again last night. I had a very realistic dream about being in the waiting room of some type of professional office where the chairs were actually low lying chaise lounge type seating. A young, very attractive woman came and laid down beside me and struck up a conversation. She kept moving closer until we were touching. She guided my hand to the top of her pants and I slid it down to the hair of her vagina and inserted a finger. I was paranoid about being seen by others in the room but she pointed out to me there was only one other person who wasn't paying attention to us. She unzipped her pants and unbuttoned her shirt... she wasn't wearing a bra. I played with her awesome tits but was still reluctant. She stuck her hand down the front of my pants and took hold of what I realized was a rock hard erection. She said to me "how are you ever going to rest tonight if you don't fuck me?". I pulled her close after sticking my cock out through my zipper. Just as I was entering her I woke up. I was marveling over how real the dream was, recalling the whole thing when I noticed my cock was THROBBING! I reached down onto the floor beside the bed and picked up a sock and had the most satisfying 'bating session in the last ten years. I thought I was never going to stop ejaculating. I'm afraid the uro is wrong about me being out of options. He said "that tissue in your penis has changed and will never work again. You need an implant". This makes twice now I've proven him wrong. My only problem I'm facing now is being attracted to my wife. The tension of life without sex has deteriorated our relationship so badly I don't feel like making love to her. I'm debating testing out myself by pursuing an affair to see if I can function with another woman. I'm afraid I already know the answer and don't know how to fix this with my wife. She has the most exciting vagina in the state of Texas but I'm afraid too much water has been under the bridge to ever resurrect our sex life. I can't live this way though. I REQUIRE sex and am afraid of where this is going to lead. We've been married 33 years.

[radiodec]

If you were one ot the RP guys, ypu could be in this situation and have no arousal most of the time except when nature decided it wanted things to rise, If the nerves from the brain to the erection engine are damaged, no or few brain started erections, but your body can do it at will. You can also work up a nice one by masterbating, but such generally don't last long enoughto do the deed,

So you still have a lot of testing and questions to answer, One of them being, can I grab it limp and massage it to live?

Radodec

[3mtrship]

Accidentally Viewed Porn... ,

None of us knows exactly what we will face because we are each different.

It is coincidental I would sign on tonight and see your new post.

Earlier this year I had my 7 year checkup since my original cancer diagnosis back in 2004 at the age of 60. At that appointment my doctor says "Jim, we have both worked real hard for 7 years to meet and overcome the cancer found in your body. For the first time I feel like I can tell you to exhale and breathe a little easier."

He went on to state I no longer must see him twice a year or pay money as long as the VA continues to give me to PSA tests for free and I promise to report those results to him.

The full sexual journey of your lives is not written yet either.

I will now take a moment to pause and reflect. There are a number of things you need to know at this early stage of your sexual recovery.

The challenge you face in getting your wife to become a willing sexual partner again is substantial.

So let's make a list of "known's" and that might help you decide where to go next.

1. ED entered your life around 10 years ago.
2. Recently you finally decided to do something about it with T therapy.
3. You recently had two different kinds of welcome surprise erections. One from porn. One while sleeping. NOTE: The only one missing is with the gal you obviously love so much.
4. The Doppler confirms your Doctors advice to wait for implant surgery was wise.
5. You want more sex period and she thinks you can fix this alone and return to her repaired as if 10 years went away.

Question: So where does that leave you?

Answer: It leaves you where so many of us find ourselves. In mid life with "an incredibly supportive woman" who is not screwing you often enough.

Facts: Our sex lives always change over time in many ways. We do not always see and address the changes. Many of our sexual relationships with loved ones become strained by normal change. I don't think there is anything unusual about your situation. I also think she must help you both find a solution to the present situation.

Questions:

1. When was the last time your wife had a climax?
2. Was it with you?
3. What approach triggers her excitement?
4. Does she require a big build up, a rubdown, porn, masturbation, oral...........?
5. Will she talk about this. In other words is your sex life important to her?

Conclusion: I think this issue cannot be fixed alone and must be worked on by you both.

In closing I want to say a few more things, My fellow members on this site have my respect for the same reason you lurked for a while and just now spoke up. They are a great bunch of guys but our main site focus is different then what you need right now.

I think you need to find a new ways to find sexual satisfaction for you both in your marriage and that will not be easy.

Just as you started together you must grow and change together and yes now age together.

And Psssst lean over so you can hear me, "She still loves me after my ED." None of us wants ED and we are all changed by it. Our task as patients, lovers, fathers and friends is to find the sexual treatment plan that works for us. It and its success will depend on who we have to work with. ED will force the issue right up into your face and drag you kicking and screaming into the rest your life. Please make sure you remember that.

So step back for a moment and take a deep breath and get started.

Remember, we have 5 senses and may have to drag some sexual techniques back out that we discarded years ago because we need them now to move forward. Please keep try to your options open as you work on this together. Couples help each other and that is where you sit today.

Where your going can only be found by you. You can and must deal with the reality of the situation.

You do NOT have to answer any of my questions here, just to yourself.

My Best to you both,

Kind Regards Jim

[padreest]

Jim, that was an excellent message that mirrors my life today. My wife wants no sex, will not participate in discussions.
I think she knows that I got a VED which for me at the present is for penile therpy. Atrophy set in @4 yrs ago. Have had
no intimate contact since. I mentioned sex the other day and she said her vagina was probably to small. When I can maintain
an erection that functions I am going to try another approach`. I am on the big "T" for over a year now. after a short time I experienced
sensations and could finally orgasm (a very good one) but libido waned and everything stopped. So I stopped the "T" for a short time
until I went to new urologist who put me on another brand of "T". It has not restored sensations and I have been able to orgasm 1 time.
At tyhe present I cannot even J/O comfortably. Takes too long and I'm beginning to feel it's not worth it. Too much frustration. I would
be content with penile restoration and being able to orgasm, then I will work on wife and if she cuts me off I will masturbate to my life's
end. I will soon be 77, married 55 yrs. I'm one of those guys that thinks about sex every 24 minutes.

[3mtrship]

You know with all this aging stuff, I just wish my cock would follow my ass as it falls the floor.

Jim

[radiodec]

Try the slow indirect approach with your wife. More consideration, little things, especially little things that eventually resulted in sex after many steps. In other words, court her again. Subtly remind her of when sex was just good fun and she had to have you. It may take a few months but it worked for me. Now my wife can't wait for my implant to heal up enough that we can have a little sport.

Radiodec