My Journal

[merrix]

@Merrix
I hope everything goes well for you. Its something I think about when I get implanted in the future, what do I do when I need a revison when in a Long term relationship or if I end up getting married with a wife? That frustration time in between. With me being under 30 I will probably need 6 to 8 revisions by the time I hit 80 years old, if I live that long. Also what to do when you need a revision and are busy at work? I study accounting and I wonder about these things. It makes me feel uneasy.

Btw, every thought about seeing Hakky? I'm leaning towards him and his much younger than Eid and you will probably need revisions in the future if eid retires.

Yeah, revisions suck of course. If you've read my posts, you've seen that I've always said that revisions are just something we need to deal with. It is what it is, when the day comes, just do it. Can't be a reason not to get implanted.
I still stand by that, but now that I 99% likely will need one in the near future - of course it sucks. Big time. I am busy as F at work, involved in few and managing a few projects related to a very recent merger. Nobody in my position would take a couple of weeks off at this stage, that is just completely weird.
So it's a problem. But will a revision, and the trip to other side of the planet that comes with it, ever come at a good time? Don't think so.
Just do it.

[merrix]

Merrix. I feel like you are an old friend now. I've spent the entire day with you. At least with your thread. My surgery is scheduled on Jan 4, and I'm pretty anxious about it. Your detailed journey has been so helpful. There's really nothing else like it i've found online. Thank you for your contribution.

I posted a new thread ("Showtime"). In it, i describe my own connection to Thailand. I see that you live there. I intend to retire there next year, so perhaps our paths will cross.

Good my thread was to some help.
Bangkok, and maybe Phuket, are mentioned a few times in the thread, but I never said I live there though.
My whereabouts remain a mystery...
Good luck with the surgery.

[merrix]

Update
Every time I inflate, the pump/valve issue happens.
When I am roughly halfway to full inflation, or perhaps a bit more, my pump does not transfer fluid anymore.
So far I have always been able to find a workaround. Normally by changing the pace and execute a few explosive, forceful pumps.
Then I will hear the familiar noise of inflation again, and then I can go on with more pumps.
Sometimes, this has to be repeated again one more time, but so far I have always been able to reach satisfactory hardness.
Which has been as hard as I could possibly get it.
Now I mostly do hold back a bit, thinking that I don't want to stress the pump valve more than necessary.
No difference really in quality of sex when holding back just a bit on the hardness.
Feels more natural and still very hard.

So I still don't think this is a leak. If saline leaked out of the system, I would not be able to get as hard as before.
I rather think this is the pump or the valve which has some defect.

I will have to get this fixed I assume, but right now is just an absolutely shitty time for me to have this done.
I have started the process though by talking to Eid and his staff.

[RoninRiff]

Thank you for keeping us up to date on your progress, Merrix. It is really valuable for the rest of us to have a glimpse of one implantee's real life experiences. I hope that you can keep your implant functional with your pumping workarounds at least until the timing is more convenient for an eventual revision.

[merrix]

Thank you for keeping us up to date on your progress, Merrix. It is really valuable for the rest of us to have a glimpse of one implantee's real life experiences. I hope that you can keep your implant functional with your pumping workarounds at least until the timing is more convenient for an eventual revision.

I will update when something changes.
Actually, no matter how hard it is to believe, things have been improving (!) lately.
The issue described above hasn't happened for some time.
I'd say the last 5-10 times I've been inflating, things have basically been normal.
Or at least very close to.
So I still think there is no leak out of the system, but some kind of malfunctioning of the pump.
Anyway, I will happily take a few more months from the implant before I need the revision.

[merrix]

Some questions on PM, answering here as I believe more readers might have interest.

"hey there, i was reading thru posts n noticed yours, specifically bc i saw ur age. im 44 n have had ED in some form for about 5 years and tried every damn thing imaginable for it. im wondering if you had problems finding a qualified doctor bc of ur age? i imagine when i see my doc for a consult, theyd ask what i have tried up to this point in my life and i have tried it all. was that also your experience be4 ur surgery? (that u tried pills, injections, rings, pumps etc?) honestly to see ur age and when u had surgery, that was pretty reassuring. was just wondering if youd mind sharing some details with me as it may be really helpful. thx."

I think it's all in this thread, but I fully understand it could be of use to condense it into a single question and answer anyway.
I had ED in some form all my life. Not so severe in younger days, but worse as time went. Many years before implant, it was basically impossible for me to have sex without pills. Wouldn't work.
I used heavy doses of pills at the end, often 100-150 mg viagra and 25 mg cialis combined. The cialis about 1-2 hours before sex and the viagra split up during 30-60 minutes before sex.
I tried cock rings but never injections. Injections didn't seem like an option to me since I think the hassle of them seems to be too much for me, especially with all my travelling.
In my young days some stupid doc sent me to sexual therapy with my wife (girlfriend at that time). Completely useless.
I also did the sclerotherapy (gluing up veins to stop VL) about half a year before I did the implant. Worked for a few weeks, but then the effect disappeared.
I can't say my age impacted the chances of finding a good doc in any way. The ones I met before implant could have been the best ones on the planet and still not being able to fix it. A VL is a VL and can't really be fixed. Pills help to some degree, but not as good as for those with in-flow problems.
Finding Dr. Eid was easy.

Next Question,
"Hello,
i follow your diary very closely, because i still take injections, but these will only work for a limited period of time.
I have two questions I would like to ask you as I did not find the answers on your site. sorry if i missed it.
My first question is about blowjob. Of course, I believe that you notice something when you suck or feel the balls. But is it a problem for the woman or even a hindrance as far as the lust factor is concerned, or can she suckle as usual, just that she feels the pump every now and then?
My second question is about the foreskin. If your penis is inflated for sex, can you still slide the foreskin all over the glans? My wife likes it, so it would be a shame if it wasn't possible anymore.
Thank you in advance.
Greetings and a good start into the new year"

Blowjob - Yes, I believe that any woman who thoroughly touches our balls will feel the pump and/or the tubing. After all, the bulb is not little pea-sized thing, and it is hard. Harder than anything else in the scrotum. If we can find it, feel it, inflate it, and deflate it - then of course a woman can feel it as well. She just needs to touch where we touch when we find the pump to inflate/deflate it. To say no woman can feel the pump is logically just BS. If no woman could ever feel the pump no matter how thoroughly she touched, then we couldn't find that pump either and we couldn't use our implants... But we can. Hence a woman can also find it and feel it as long as she looks in the right place.
Is it a hinder for the lust factor or can she blow as usual, just feeling the pump every now and then? I don't know if it's necessarily one or the other. Maybe it is a hinder for the lust factor but she can still blow as usual... In the case of my wife, I honestly don't think she would tell me if she thought giving BJs were less lustful nowadays. Unless it was at a level where she really disliked it. But it isn't. However, It wouldn't be a far stretch to assume that any woman would prefer blowing a natural erection, which she can sort of "manufacture" with her skills and her sexiness - over blowing an erection created by the guy inflating his plastic cylinders. This surely varying with different women, but I still think it's a fair guess that any woman would honesty - if presented with a choice - prefer to blow a natural dick over an implanted one. On the other hand, this is not a major issue I believe. If our docs did a good job, the penis itself will feel very natural (if we have decent blood flow to the glans) and the pump will be hidden nicely behind the balls. Then any woman can go on with her blowjob without barely noticing anything unusual. She wouldn't if she focused on the penis and left the scrotum untouched or at least only touched gently.

Foreskin. In my case, I cannot retract the foreskin all the way over my my glans when fully inflated. Especially not when aroused and my glans is full of blood. I would say it can go roughly half way, but not all the way.

[pepesilvia]

Hey Merrix!

Question for ya: I’m 6 days post-op, implanted by the legend himself Dr Eid. I was wondering if ya have any tips on deflating. Reading thru your journey I know it was an issue for you as well in the early days. Currently I’m cycling twice daily for 30min, and my biggest issue (thankfully) is being confident in full deflation. I sent a picture of my flaccid to Dr Eid and he said it looks like it might be partially deflated, however I commented that I can feel the tubing crunch up and down the shaft and he said that sounds like full deflation. Is there any indicators your recall to help know it’s fully deflated? My flaccid sits about 4:30, however I also know I’m not even a week post-op so I’m trying to keep things in perspective. His assistant told me it’s going to take time to condition the penis and its flaccid state. Also did you find it better to position flaccid up towards navel or down towards ground?

Your journal was an amazing source of inspiration for myself (and everyone here) to find the confidence to go thru with the final frontier, so from the bottom of my heart thank you!!! I’m also incredibly impressed with Dr Eid, his staff and the entire process.

[merrix]

Hey Merrix!

Question for ya: I’m 6 days post-op, implanted by the legend himself Dr Eid. I was wondering if ya have any tips on deflating. Reading thru your journey I know it was an issue for you as well in the early days. Currently I’m cycling twice daily for 30min, and my biggest issue (thankfully) is being confident in full deflation. I sent a picture of my flaccid to Dr Eid and he said it looks like it might be partially deflated, however I commented that I can feel the tubing crunch up and down the shaft and he said that sounds like full deflation. Is there any indicators your recall to help know it’s fully deflated? My flaccid sits about 4:30, however I also know I’m not even a week post-op so I’m trying to keep things in perspective. His assistant told me it’s going to take time to condition the penis and its flaccid state. Also did you find it better to position flaccid up towards navel or down towards ground?

Your journal was an amazing source of inspiration for myself (and everyone here) to find the confidence to go thru with the final frontier, so from the bottom of my heart thank you!!! I’m also incredibly impressed with Dr Eid, his staff and the entire process.

Glad you have found my Journal useful.

First of all - Six days. Six days. Forget flaccid. You are so far off your final flaccid state that you can be.
After six days, my dick was pointing at 1:30 and I had not yet even managed to deflate.
After my first deflation, 13 days after surgery, my "flaccid" still pointed higher than your 4:30.
It was a few rough weeks from then on.
And it took months before my flaccid started to look like it does today.

Regarding where to point it - it is my belief that you should avoid pointing it (i.e. forcing it) downwards.
If you can point it up, then I believe that's the way to go.
In my case, that was impossible. My dick would have pointed up above my waist line of my pants, shorts, whatever I was using.
So I did point it down. And I think that made my angle a bit worse than it would have been otherwise. But this is just my guess.
I still have a great angle, 2:00-2:30, but it was even higher right after surgery, before I started to wear tight clothes and forcing my not yet softened flaccid downwards.
If you can't point it up, I'd have opted for sideways. And alternating sides through the day.

How do you know it's deflated? I'd say the best indicator is the cylinders flattening.
When fully deflated they are collapsing and gong flat basically.
You will feel that easily with your fingers.
The problem is that in the beginning, even if your cylinders are fully deflated, you still won't have a nice down-hanging flaccid.
You are swollen - there are body fluids inside your cavernosum.
Your Titan cylinders are also stiffer and harder, the material itself, than it will be later on as time passes by.
So take it easy.
I am very confident that if you are cycling 2x30 minutes after 6 days, and your deflated dick points at 4:30 - your result (and your flaccid) is going to be fantastic.

[merrix]

I wrote here quite some time ago that I was pretty certain I was going to need a revision very soon.
Was even discussing potential dates with Eid's office.
But the funny thing is that my issue doesn't seem to worsen. Rather it has been happening less frequently lately.
And I can still get as hard as in the past, so I am pretty sure there is no leakage out of the system.
My best guess is still that the pump/valve has some issue which means sometimes my pumping doesn't transfer any fluid from the reservoir to the cylinders. But no leak. Also no leak back from cylinders to reservoir. When hard it stays hard.
Never once has this issue stopped me from getting to the desired hardness and neither has it stopped me from having sex.
Just that a few times, I need to spend half a minute extra for the pumping.

If it continues like this, I will not have a revision. I think that it makes most sense to just keep using it till it really fails.
My thinking is:
What if it remains like this for another 5 (or even 10?) years before it completely fails. Is it worth the hassle of a surgery just to avoid spending 30 seconds extra pumping a few times every month? Most times it just works as normal. And when it doesn't, all I have to do is give it a couple of extra "explosive", fast pumps to get it going again.
I don't think so.
The downside of waiting till it fails totally is of course that I will likely need to spend 3-4 months without sex. But I actually think it's worth it if I can delay my revision for potentially several years by doing so. I assume that is the normal case anyway, so I'm not alone needing to spend some time before revision with a "broken dick". It's sort of part of the deal.

[frank66665]

I wrote here quite some time ago that I was pretty certain I was going to need a revision very soon.
Was even discussing potential dates with Eid's office.
But the funny thing is that my issue doesn't seem to worsen. Rather it has been happening less frequently lately.
And I can still get as hard as in the past, so I am pretty sure there is no leakage out of the system.
My best guess is still that the pump/valve has some issue which means sometimes my pumping doesn't transfer any fluid from the reservoir to the cylinders. But no leak. Also no leak back from cylinders to reservoir. When hard it stays hard.
Never once has this issue stopped me from getting to the desired hardness and neither has it stopped me from having sex.
Just that a few times, I need to spend half a minute extra for the pumping.

If it continues like this, I will not have a revision. I think that it makes most sense to just keep using it till it really fails.
My thinking is:
What if it remains like this for another 5 (or even 10?) years before it completely fails. Is it worth the hassle of a surgery just to avoid spending 30 seconds extra pumping a few times every month? Most times it just works as normal. And when it doesn't, all I have to do is give it a couple of extra "explosive", fast pumps to get it going again.
I don't think so.
The downside of waiting till it fails totally is of course that I will likely need to spend 3-4 months without sex. But I actually think it's worth it if I can delay my revision for potentially several years by doing so. I assume that is the normal case anyway, so I'm not alone needing to spend some time before revision with a "broken dick". It's sort of part of the deal.

I would absolutely not do a review for such a small glitch, I would sign if it lasted another 10 years with this small glitch