About to schedule my surgery, wife now casting doubts and making me question it

[KaBoom]

Did any of you also get cold feet in the time when push came to shove?

She says we can continue on and I should just use the pills and it's ok.

I told her the pills are not as reliable, about 50=60% of the time I cant last to satisfy her, and we can never really change positions.

Plus the constant anxiety in my head in the moments as we get turned on, to while we are having sex regarding will I last long enough or will it give out any moment and leave us both unfulfilled but skirting around the "its ok im fine" support she shows me but truly underneath I know she obviously would have much preferred to finish and have a enjoyable romp start to end.

But I am also getting a bit nervous.... it is after all irreversible. So if it fails for some reason, thats it....erections are done forever.

Any of you guys had cold feet just before, not just you but wife too? I cant fault her for being apprehensive.

I know some of you had bad implant experiences initially, but did pretty much everyone of those cases end up getting it resolved one way or another?

[cbinspok]

kaboom
if your leg was broken you would get it fixed, if your arm was not working you would get it fixed. my wife was non supportive also. still the best thing ive ever done for myself. If you're wife likes sex she will come around and be glad about an implant. If she not, its your body and a part of that needs fixing.

[JohnnyBorg]

Hey KaBoom - as you know from our messages and my own journal, I’m HIGHLY risk averse. So much so that even though I could’ve started with an IPP, I went for the Rigi10 MPP.

My reframe around this is that if you go with an EXCELLENT high volume surgeon, you are setting yourself up for success. Yes, there are mechanical things that are sometimes out of their control for IPPs. But infection rates - when performed by a pro grade surgeon like Clavell, Hakky, etc - these are incredibly low for a virgin IPP. And if anything did go wrong mechanically with your IPP early on, these kinds of high volume surgeons will know how to sort it out with a proper revision.

“ But I am also getting a bit nervous.... it is after all irreversible. So if it fails for some reason, thats it....erections are done forever.”

So let’s go to this next layer - let’s say you get an IPP and it fails early, and this becomes a major dealbreaker for you. You don’t want to go with IPP revision, etc. As an MPP owner (still early on, so take this with a grain of of salt), an MPP is still a fallback option for you. And because of the simplicity of the device, in many cases you may not ever need a revision. By majority of accounts, the MPP is not as rigid as the IPP and you aren’t going to be able to cycle to regain lost size. Concealment is a bit of a pain in the ass. But it works. It’s an option for guys who started with an IPP, things didn’t pan out, and so they’ve made the switch (TheDriver is the big example here).

I’m a firm believer in “do all the research, pick the best surgeon you possibly can, collaborate with them, and you’re going to land in the right place”. I know none of us can guarantee you that things WILL work out, but that really is the best way to go about things.

It sounds to me like you AND your wife are in the right headspace and thinking about all the right things. Major surgery should absolutely give you pause. I didn’t get cold feet before my surgery but I was DEFINITELY freaking out. I had surrendered all the outcomes weeks beforehand, so I knew I was going to go through with it no matter what. But yeah man, in retrospect I was FREAKING out internally the days before and day of it’s human. You aren’t alone there.

Maybe come up with sort of a “playbook” with your wife. Ie: “we’re going to start with an IPP. If it fails within x amount of years, we’ll get a revision to another IPP. If that one failed, we’ll revise to an MPP. If my IPP gets infected, we’ll hopefully get a salvage malleable and see how we like it for x months” etc. Really play out each angle. Write it all out, make a flowchart. Sounds really dumb but could be helpful to see all the different decision points the two of you have, and the different options.

[Old Guy]

Have to say my wife was apprehensive about it too. To say I was nervous was an understatement because it was my first surgery as an adult at 68 years old. Never been under the knife or put out with anesthetics. Then thinking about where the surgery was going to be, cutting on my manhood scared the living crap out of me. I was ready to hop off the bed and run before they wheeled me to the OR.
Come to find out, my wife had secretly been researching implants. She didn't tell me until a week or so after surgery. At that point I believe she was ready to resume our intimate times after close to 13 years dealing with failures. Every fix was just a band aid, pills and injections had to be scheduled. When they became unreliable it was frustrating for both of us.
Now 6 years post I still say I wish it was done sooner, before taking that first Viagra.
Do it! Get it done and start enjoying the intimate times marriage is supposed to offer us.
Best to you KaBoom.

[1sfman]

KaBoom,

I agree with cbinspok, if your leg was broken, you would get it fixed. In my case, my wife was very supportive of my decision. Key word there was "my". She very much wanted our sex life to return to what it had been before ED creeped in. But, she was also aware that it was a surgical procedure which always carries risks and that I had to weigh risks vs benefits. And, she also said we could continue as we had if that was my decision (oral, vibrators, etc.).

As for me, I absolutely wanted my dick back. I had already read many posts on FT, and I knew IPP was not a quick fix. I knew there were risks, but my sex life was not what I wanted and the risks faded to background noise for me. I guess my surgical history made the decision easy as I've had 16 surgeries over the past 26 years (8 fingers, carpal tunnel, both shoulders (one twice), 2 colon surgeries, gall bladder, spinal fusion), so I'm not afraid of a scalpel.

I'm 2 days short of 5 weeks post-op, and I can't wait for the 6 weeks post-op exam. The first two weeks were tough, but the pain was very manageable, and the lingering discomfort diminishes every day. I also know that it will take several weeks or even months before sex will return to what we both expect.

At 5 weeks, I'm absolutely sure I made the right decision (wife thinks so too). Looking at all the forum discussions on IPP, it is overwhelmingly positive. Institutional statistics show a 97 - 98% satisfaction rate with IPP.

But it's a deeply personal decision and I wish you well regardless of your decision.

[Kodixx]

KaBoom, yes, and I think that feeling is even stronger when its elective surgery. As we rolled down the hallway I kept thinking "I could still get off this cart". But I didn't, and it turned out great, even with a really rough recovery. Hang in there, you'll make it
And here's some inspiration if you and/or your wife are in the mood. Best wishes and look forward to hearing about your journey !

“I wish I’d done it ten years earlier…”
https://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=27765

- Chuck

Did any of you also get cold feet in the time when push came to shove?

[ElbowRoom]

KaBoom…

One important thing to consider, is the spectrum of outcomes. It’s sort of a bell curve, with the fat part of the curve on “typical” results — no infection, no or very minor complications, back to normal in 3-6 months. On the good side of the curve, there are a smaller percentage of those who have very fast recovery, orgasm better than ever before, and even gain slightly in length.

But the far end of the curve, where really bad outcomes lie, is very, very tiny. The incidence of implantees who just lose all sexual function is ridiculously small. Almost all complications can be salvaged through revision or other action. In fact I only know of one incident where a patient lost all function, and it was a result of him grossly ignoring the surgeon’s instructions post-op. You will almost certainly have better function than you have now.

It’s right to be nervous, but make the decision based on rational reasons and not fear.