The psychology of having an implant

[C_lab34]

In the proper spirit of Franktalk, I want to talk as frankly as possible about the psychological effects of having an implant. I have read on here and elsewhere that most men are happy with their implants, as it restores the ability to have sex for as long as they like. It seems that most cases of dissatisfaction are because of poor outcome, significant size loss, mechanical malfunction, infection, and the like. But I want to get at another possible source of discontent that has nothing to do with a poor surgical result. Let's imagine that one undergoes the procedure and gets a perfect result; is it possible to still feel, well, defective? Having lived with ED all of my young life, I have been hounded by a feeling, a kind of conscious perception, at times very subtle, at other times acute and overwhelming, that I am not normal, biologically healthy, functional, or desirable. Because of my extreme neurosis, I have received little consolation from the fact that there are women out there who will still accept me for who I am, and my understanding current partner, for everything she does for me, cannot eliminate the low esteem for myself in this regard.

I am profoundly worried that even with a fully functional penis, because I know that it is prosthetic, I will not escape the sense that I am dysfunctional and undesirable. Does anyone get what I'm talking about? I understand that what I'm talking about just might not accord with other peoples experience or expectations. I understand that most are grateful to have functioning again, and I don't want to be stuck on the impossible, i.e. a natural, long lasting organic erection. I want to hear from others who have an implant about how their outlook on themselves has changed, not changed, or maybe even deteriorated. I know threads like this have been done before, but from that I've read they are, to be frank, usually simple and concise, with guys saying things like, " it changed my life" or "restored my confidence" . I would like more details about hang ups, and neurotic or compulsive thoughts that maybe were not cleared up by a successful implant surgery, or at least took more psychological or therapeutic work than simply getting an implant and having sex again. I really do appreciate all input.

[ED2013]

I suffered from venous leak my whole life. I felt depressed and defective. It affected my confidence. Not just in bed, but in every aspect of my life. I was implanted 2 years ago. I feel great. I know I can satisfy any woman if given the chance.

[anotherguy]

I don't have an implant, yet, but I'm trying to get one implanted as soon as possible. Having said that, before my injury a few years back I was able to have full, throbbing erections (for the most part) that would allowed me to have sex for an hour to an hour and a half pretty much non-stop, even after cumning. It was always the girl who told me when she'd had enough. Boy was I happy back then and my confidence was sky high (in that department) since I knew that I didn't have any problem making my girl happy in bed.

So, with that being said, having a fully functioning penis is a big part of how you feel. Everything else, well, that's something you have to work on as well like everything else. I'm sure you'll be fine though.

[avlis26]

I suffered from venous leak my whole life. I felt depressed and defective. It affected my confidence. Not just in bed, but in every aspect of my life. I was implanted 2 years ago. I feel great. I know I can satisfy any woman if given the chance.

Same here.. I was implanted almost 6 months ago and couldn't be happier. I'm 31 and suffered from venous leak my whole life.
The implant not only cured my ED, but also cured me from my depression.
ED does sucks.. I used to spent most of my days thinking about this problem and got really depressed some days!

It's so much different now.. I have a life again and I can focus on my work, career, studies, hang out with friends, family and of course do not be afraid to hook up with a girl.

[FlaDon]

C_lab, I understand your question regarding the psychological impact of an implant, but for me, it was a "no-brainer". My penis didn't work, and my urologist said matter of factly, "You need an implant". I also wear contacts for vision, so maybe that was a bridge for me to accept an implant as something inevitable. Six months in, I couldn't be happier. It's almost become second nature, and is reliable in a way that I have never felt. The implant is becoming a "part" of me, and now I feel a lot more like it is a natural part of my body.

[C_lab34]

You make a great point about the contacts, Fladon. I don't know why I didn't think of it that way, especially considering that I in fact wear glasses to correct my vision! And now that you mention it, I don't, in my day to day life, feel less capable or functional. I just see through my glasses and enjoy good vision. Things are just more complicated and sensitive with my penis, I suppose.

[roninhouston]

I don't hear well so I wear hearing aids
I don't see well so I wear one contact for distance and one contact to read
I don't empty my bladder so I take meds that allow me to sleep all night long
I have a hyperactive thyroid and I take meds to control it
I had a torn meniscus, had it scoped to repair it
my gallbladder develop gangrene, I had it removed
my shoulder developed problems from an old injury, I had it scoped to fix it
my penis developed venous leakage, a plumbing problem, structionally I could not maintain an erection,
my IPP fixed a loss function.
I don't over think the problem, I research what are my options and fix it
...... and go on with my life.

We at FT can only share, support, encourage and help so much.

IMHO Your urologist needs to recommend a therapist who can assist you in life decisions.

[RickRed40]

I will not escape the sense that I am dysfunctional and undesirable. Does anyone get what I'm talking about

That is an amazingly insightful question. Will an implant take away your feelings of being dysfunctional and undesirable? No one can predict the answer to that question, but I can take an educated guess.
First off I want to challenge your original assumption. Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. In the overwhelming majority of those marriages the men involved have the natural ability to have an erection. In other words they remained using your line of logic functional and desirable, BUT their marriages are ending anyway. Could it be that it takes more than an erection to be functional, loving, and desirable? I'd say it does. If you remain fixed on the idea that losing your natural erectile abilities makes you dysfunctional and undesirable, it's entirely possible you'll continue to feel that way after an implant.

If you look at men who are severely depressed coping with ED, some men will experience an immediate improvement in their self esteem, confidence and sense of desirability. Other men remain seriously depressed, but their depression shifts focus. So rather than feel grateful they now have an erection hard enough for penetration, they get hung up on the loss of their girth or size. Now instead of blaming ED for their depression, they blame the surgeon or surgery. They won't enjoy their implant because they feel cheated over the reduction in the size of their erection. I suspect these men are fixated on the notion that penile size=manhood. Therefore, a small post implant penis makes you less of a man than you once were.

If you are going to base your manhood, your sense of desirability and self esteem on the size of your penis or it's ability to rise on it's own, an implant may not do anything to relieve your sense of being defective, dysfunctional or undesirable.

When you find another definition of manhood that's not associated with your erectile abilities and you believe you are of value whether or not your penis works, you'll get the maximum physical and psychological benefits from an implant. Where does that new and revised definition of manhood come from? For me it was from a biblical view on manhood which I believe involves the capacity to love other people unselfishly. From my biblical perspective here''s what a real man understands about love and how to be desirable:
1 Cor 13:4-8
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy;
love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked,
thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.

If those qualities were present in every relationship, there would be no divorce. Notice too, not one of those traits requires an erection.

An implant restored my ability to have an erection and enjoy making love to my wife. Did I feel better about life when this was restored? Yes I did. Does it make me more or less of man because I have an implant? It does neither of those things.

I'm sure others will disagree with everything I've written, but you asked for opinions and this is mine.

[Anonymous 3]

I have had an ileostomy pouch for the last 45 years.Think of it as a prosthetic rectum as it does the same job. Without the surgery and the appliance I would have been dead for the last 45 years. It has extended my life enormously.

I had a severe cataract in both eyes. Both of my natural lenses have been sucked out and replaced with prosthetic lenses. I see better now than I did when I was 12 years old. Without the surgery I would have had to give up driving (it was already too dangerous for me to drive at night) and eventually reading and tv would be gone and I would have been functionally blind. The surgery gave me back my vision.

I had worsening ED for the last 15 or so years. After the pump, pills and injections stopped working I didn't have intercourse for a couple of years or so. My wife and I are now in the process of rebuilding our sex lives as a result of my implant surgery.

I also have prostate cancer and am only half way through the 5 years of stable psa results etc before I am declared cancer free. I also have chronic kidney disease and have my GFR checked every 6 months or so. It is usually well below normal.

Do I suffer from depression? You bet. Was I disfunctional? Before my surgeries, of course I was and as you can see, in many areas. It was a great source of sadness and disappointment to me, that my body should let me down that badly. I do understand what you are saying, I truly do.

I understand that just telling someone who is depressed to just buck up, things aren't all that bad just doesn't work. "Think of all the good things in your life blah blah" That doesn't work either. Don't dwell on the negative, think happy thoughts. Doesn't work right? But I did get some help. Medications have helped tremendously. SSRI's and SNRI's are the ones to stay away from if your inability to perform in bed is a major issue for you. The vast majority of men and women who take these end up with virtually no libido and often lose the ability to orgasm at all. Speaking from experience here. I am on Wellbutrin now and have regained some libido and definitely have the ability to orgasm now. I have much reduced depression, much more energy and actually want to do things again. I have a much more positive attitude towards my life. So how much is due to my penile implant? It definitely has improved my mood, but it is a chicken and egg thing. Was it the medication or the implant which changed my outlook? I would have to say it was a combination of both. One feeds the other.

I know there is a strong negative stigma attached to depression and I had to give it a great deal of though before going to my doctor to seek help. It takes a while to find the right medication and the right dosage if you go the medication route. Talk therapy can help some people in combination with meds. But the first step is having a hat with the doc. Do all my implants make me dysfunctional? Nope, I was dysfunctional before I had the surgeries. I'm not a 100% but a lot better!!

[C_lab34]

Thanks so much everyone for the great replies. They really have been helpful, and have reminded me of some important things, and that life goes on.