Listening to our partners feelings before taking the plunge.

[gollam121]

Hi,

Maybe this should be in the Sexuality 2.0 thread, but I do feel after reading all the threads on the implant pages, particularly the younger guys that my story might help before anyone jumps in feet first like I've done on two occasions in life. I myself will likely need an implant soon so I'm not preaching but just giving some insight into my journey and how this has affected me and the two marriages I have been in.

My story as follows :

I've been on this forum since 2011 after my separation from my first wife to whom I had 3 children with.

I've suffered from from a VL since I've ever known my sexual existence and although I don't deny it's a physical condition that baffles most medical experts and which there is no real cure I also know first hand the psychological impact only compounds things further for every man that has a VL or ED from other causes. This in my view is worse than the condition itself and actually gets in the way of any acceptance of our condition.

When I discovered I couldn't perform when on the night scene back in my late teens I accepted that unless I found a solution I would be on my own for the rest of my life. This fear was quickly proved unfounded when I met my first wife at 22. She accepted me for me and after a month or so together she gave me the confidence that I could actually make love even if for 3-4 minutes. This was a year or so before Viagra launched onto the market. Even so I still had the "I'm not a real man" voice in my head so I went to see my local urologists who went onto perform ligation surgery on me back in 1997. It left me in a lot of pain for 3 weeks with the end result maybe gave me a 10% improvement, albeit that could have just been in my head.

Moving on from this I was able to bring 3 kids into this world between between 2000 and 2009, all this without pills. The sex didn't last long but we found other ways to prolong it. Even so I still obsessed about being the so called perfect man and let this take over everything else good in my life. My wife loved me but in the end sex became stressful for her because I obsessed before and after the act, so in the end she didn't want to do it. If only I'd listened to her and remembered she met me with ED and accepted it. In the end our marriage failed because of my lack of focus in other areas within our relationship and family.

After this split I feel apart and thought no women would want me so started planning for an implant. I tried injections on my own and combined with pills but it didn't produce the so called result I wanted, this said was I testing in a sexy environment stressed out and desperate ? The answer is no and like many VL suffers injections are not really the answer. The answer is meeting a women you love and that turns you on and that I did for a second time in 2012. Using cheap generic 100mg Viagra or 20mg Cialis I was able to have the best sex of my life and my current wife was more than satisfied but like a fool I wanted to be Super Man and when things occasionally didn't work I went into melt down rather than say hey ho, pleasure my wife a different way and say better luck next time around.

This year has been quite stressful for me because of changing jobs and other things. Back in April I came across the Scelrothreapy thread and over the coming months talked myself into having it done. You can read my threads about this procedure but this thread is not about going into detail around various a treatments on offer. This said I ultimately blame myself for jumping in feet first after listening to the other voices like mine on the thread. More importantly I should have again listened to the one that loves me the most (my wife).

I'll maybe regret this decision for the rest of my life but if it's done one thing, I'll listen to the people closest to me first before listening to my own distorted voice particularly when it comes to sex.

Don't get me wrong, I have all the sympathy for younger guys who are in a world of hurt and on their own wondering whether an implant would solve all their problems, maybe it will but remember I've met two women who wanted me and not just my penis; there are many out there so just be yourself and honest about things and if it still doesn't work then you may find they will join you on the journey if they really love you.

For older guys married or not then if everything else has failed then the implant is the sensible solution in my mind if you still want a sex life.

My concern is that we are all in different places and at different ages with varying degrees of ED so therefore although forums like FT are brilliant for the moral and educated support when undertaking a next step treatment like an implant, however we all need to be measured in how we accept any advise based on what I have said above.

If you don't have a partner then I understand it's very difficult, but if you do please listen to them because they ultimately want you to be a loving, caring and stable rock well ahead of being a porn star !

As I've already said I'm now considering an implant but only when I'm completely gone down there and my wife is in total agreement.

Good luck to everyone.

Gollam121

[C_lab34]

Thank you for sharing your feelings on this difficult subject. I am in full agreement with you that those of us who have partners need to listen to them and take their opinions into account. My situation is pretty complex; I do have a partner but our relationship is very unstable. I don't necessarily expect it to last. She cheated on me and I found out about it when she accidentally left her journal lying open on her bed. I shouldn't have read it but I couldn't help myself. There I read her writing about how her ex was really hard, and how she missed it. She said she just wrote that to rationalize her terrible decision, but believe me gentlemen, the damage was done. The relationship has not been the same since. She has done as much as possible to make up for it, and she has never pushed me towards getting an implant, and has even told me that she is happy with the way things are now. I do believe that she would stay with me in my present condition. I am not doing this for her, or any particular woman. I am doing this for me. It's not even really about living up to some stereotypical notion of a man, even though I did go through feeling that way and had to eventually evolve beyond it. I am getting an implant because I am tired of the stress and disappointment, the anxiety and frustration. I want better sex for myself, not to impress a woman with superhuman abilities. Even for sake of just masturbating without having to sit in a specific position, clenching my pc muscles so I don't lose my erection. We live in an amazing, technologically advanced world with brilliant surgeons who can fix a problem that has always plagued me.

I feel that, even though I still have some doubts, my head is clearer about this than it has ever been. It's about me taking hold of my sexuality, using the means available to me, and taking a calculated risk to live a happier life. I don't want to discount anyone else and the relationship that they may have with their partner. I believe we can possibly learn to be happy with all sorts of different arrangements. But now I have the chance to have a durable erection and I will take it. Gollam don't beat yourself up too much over how the sclero treatment turned out, you wanted the same thing we all do, and you took a chance. You're not out of the fight yet and I believe that happier days are ahead for you.