Tenk's Journal

[Tenk11]

Good evening everybody, tomorrow I will be bionic. This past weekend was awesome with the extra holiday. On Monday I had a hot stone massage which was my first massage ever. Yesterday I went to Texas De Brazil and ate some great steak. Today I came home after work and just wanted to relax. I am uncharacteristically nervous, being no stranger to surgery, in fact, I am no stranger to surgery in the genital area. I guess the nerves makes sense because of how huge a move this is.

Here is some background on myself. I believe I've had ED slowly creeping in since my early 20s. Until a few years ago, I was able to perform with pills, but then there was the time where I was trying to have sex and my dick didn't work even a little. So fucking embarrassing. Clearly I have had ED creeping in for a while but the ability change was drastic. It seemed to turn off like a switch, or like an oceanic shelf.

I have no way to prove this, but I started taking prozac and I think that interferes with most of the remaining function. I was taking prozac because I started going to therapy after a suicide attempt. It didn't get much more past the 'I'm really going to do this stage,' but I got sufficiently scared to beg for help at that moment. Obviously they sent me to therapy, and I started taking prozac along with talk therapy. Talk therapy is awesome but I believe it was the drug that has totally changed my life. I was diagnosed with something called Dysthymia, which apparently used to be called childhood depression. It's classified as a mild depression, but FUCK THAT. Literally the first thought I had when I woke up everyday for 20 years is that I should kill myself. I did really well in school and everybody thought I was going to be successful, but instead I locked myself in my room for more than 10 years and barely ever left. I'm 36 now. It's like a fog has been lifted, I don't even know how to describe it. It is hard for even me to understand my old self. If you've never had to struggle with depression, I promise you it is worse than you can even imagine. Even if you could try to understand, I wouldn't want you to. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. So I got a job last year and I'm pretty happy now!

Urologically, I have had what is called a urethral stricture since I was about 16. A urethral stricture is when scar tissue forms and blocks or partly blocks your urethra. As you can imagine, not fun. It can be very painful and annoying. There was a time where I would have to use the bathroom every single commercial break during a football game. Even on the best day there was at least burning. In 2007 it became so bad that I couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm American so I had to quit my job(which i would've done eventually anyway because of depression) so I could qualify for aid from my local hospital. I did not have insurance at my job because, even though I worked full time, they classified me as a contractor instead of an actual employee of the company. I had a few smaller surgeries to try to fix the stricture that year, which didn't work so I had a big surgery called a urethraplasty (I think that was the name).

A urethroplasy is when basically they go in through my scrotum, and graft some healthy tissue which they removed from my inner cheek onto where the scar tissue they just cut out was. It helped a ton but didn't work fully. After the surgery, I also popped my scrote stitches which lead to a year long process to try to get the wound to heal.

My current Urologist, Dr. Roseman, operated on me this past August and was the only person that has been able to fix the stricture. It's not 100%, but it's probably at least 85% but it doesn't hurt anymore, and I can go to the bathroom and empty my bladder like a normal person. Dr. Roseman will also be performing my implant surgery tomorrow. We have been talking about an implant for a couple of years now and obviously we tried all the others. The surgery is going to be infrapubic because my doctor, and other doctors that he has consulted with, believe that the chance to damage or aggravate my aforementioned surgeries and problems is very high with the scrotal method. Obviously I would've preferred that but if I had to choose between never having sex again and the stricture coming back, I would choose never having sex again. Same with the depression so I will not go off the Prozac. Crazy, I know, but that's how much these things suck.

Well guys, thank you for reading and I apologize for the length of the post but I'm nervous and needed to spew, I guess. I will be receiving a coloplast titan. See you guys on the other side.

P.S. I told one of my repeat clients today that was bringing pickup truckloads of materials to us about once a week that we could send a truck to her location and get rid of it all at the same time. She said that this way was better because she gets to come over and see me. Soon I will actually be able to act on shit like this and it's going to be awesome. She's hot.

[Tenk11]

Apparently the surgery went well. I am very tired and feel like i have to pee constantly. They gave me oxybutinin for that, which i have used before. May have made a minor difference

They're giving me percocet for pain. I hope it doesn't get more painful when i get home. If it can stay at this amount of pain, it will be very bearable.

[AussieRjay]

Congratulations Tenk!

Your pain will be OK if you take your meds as directed (don't wait til you're at a high level of pain before you take them) and most importantly stay off your feet. Three days flat on your back except to pee would be my advice to you.

Welcome to the club

[Stricck]

Congrats Tenk!!!! I strongly second the advise about staying off your feet! If there was one thing I could do differently it would have been staying flat on my back 3 days! You will feel well enough to move around just don't do it

[Donnie1954]

Heal well brother,
Welcome to the bionic brotherhood! Your life will never be the same. Things are gonna be really 'hard' from now on!
Donnie

[Tenk11]

Thank you so much for the comments, guys. I am falling in and out of sleep constantly, so hopefully i will be able to post more tomorrow.

Don't worry guys, I can stay off my feet like no other. I had setup some entertainment options in prep for this.

Donnie, thanks for the joke. Your positive attitude has been very helpful to me during this process. Obviously the are a lot of other thank yous to be givens, but i don't want to miss anybody so thank you all.

[Donnie1954]

Dude,
We're all in this together. We're here for you if you have any concerns. We have all been there.
You are never alone.
Donnie

[Lost Sheep]

Dude,
We're all in this together. We're here for you if you have any concerns. We have all been there.
You are never alone.
Donnie

Not quite true. I have not been there, yet.

However, i am with you, Tenk, in spirit and the hope to follow in your, ddbryan1972 and others' footsteps.

Your early history is like mine. Long time ED unrecognized as such. I was just underperforming and with women kind enough to accept me for my other qualities. Soon, though, your Lady will reap the benefits you may sow in her fields.

My best to you both and all who read this.

[Donnie1954]

Lost Sheep,
You are a valuable asset to our Frank Talk community. We are here for you.
Donnie

[sliphill]

Good evening everybody, tomorrow I will be bionic. This past weekend was awesome with the extra holiday. On Monday I had a hot stone massage which was my first massage ever. Yesterday I went to Texas De Brazil and ate some great steak. Today I came home after work and just wanted to relax. I am uncharacteristically nervous, being no stranger to surgery, in fact, I am no stranger to surgery in the genital area. I guess the nerves makes sense because of how huge a move this is.

Here is some background on myself. I believe I've had ED slowly creeping in since my early 20s. Until a few years ago, I was able to perform with pills, but then there was the time where I was trying to have sex and my dick didn't work even a little. So fucking embarrassing. Clearly I have had ED creeping in for a while but the ability change was drastic. It seemed to turn off like a switch, or like an oceanic shelf.

I have no way to prove this, but I started taking prozac and I think that interferes with most of the remaining function. I was taking prozac because I started going to therapy after a suicide attempt. It didn't get much more past the 'I'm really going to do this stage,' but I got sufficiently scared to beg for help at that moment. Obviously they sent me to therapy, and I started taking prozac along with talk therapy. Talk therapy is awesome but I believe it was the drug that has totally changed my life. I was diagnosed with something called Dysthymia, which apparently used to be called childhood depression. It's classified as a mild depression, but FUCK THAT. Literally the first thought I had when I woke up everyday for 20 years is that I should kill myself. I did really well in school and everybody thought I was going to be successful, but instead I locked myself in my room for more than 10 years and barely ever left. I'm 36 now. It's like a fog has been lifted, I don't even know how to describe it. It is hard for even me to understand my old self. If you've never had to struggle with depression, I promise you it is worse than you can even imagine. Even if you could try to understand, I wouldn't want you to. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. So I got a job last year and I'm pretty happy now!

Urologically, I have had what is called a urethral stricture since I was about 16. A urethral stricture is when scar tissue forms and blocks or partly blocks your urethra. As you can imagine, not fun. It can be very painful and annoying. There was a time where I would have to use the bathroom every single commercial break during a football game. Even on the best day there was at least burning. In 2007 it became so bad that I couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm American so I had to quit my job(which i would've done eventually anyway because of depression) so I could qualify for aid from my local hospital. I did not have insurance at my job because, even though I worked full time, they classified me as a contractor instead of an actual employee of the company. I had a few smaller surgeries to try to fix the stricture that year, which didn't work so I had a big surgery called a urethraplasty (I think that was the name).

A urethroplasy is when basically they go in through my scrotum, and graft some healthy tissue which they removed from my inner cheek onto where the scar tissue they just cut out was. It helped a ton but didn't work fully. After the surgery, I also popped my scrote stitches which lead to a year long process to try to get the wound to heal.

My current Urologist, Dr. Roseman, operated on me this past August and was the only person that has been able to fix the stricture. It's not 100%, but it's probably at least 85% but it doesn't hurt anymore, and I can go to the bathroom and empty my bladder like a normal person. Dr. Roseman will also be performing my implant surgery tomorrow. We have been talking about an implant for a couple of years now and obviously we tried all the others. The surgery is going to be infrapubic because my doctor, and other doctors that he has consulted with, believe that the chance to damage or aggravate my aforementioned surgeries and problems is very high with the scrotal method. Obviously I would've preferred that but if I had to choose between never having sex again and the stricture coming back, I would choose never having sex again. Same with the depression so I will not go off the Prozac. Crazy, I know, but that's how much these things suck.

Well guys, thank you for reading and I apologize for the length of the post but I'm nervous and needed to spew, I guess. I will be receiving a coloplast titan. See you guys on the other side.

P.S. I told one of my repeat clients today that was bringing pickup truckloads of materials to us about once a week that we could send a truck to her location and get rid of it all at the same time. She said that this way was better because she gets to come over and see me. Soon I will actually be able to act on shit like this and it's going to be awesome. She's hot.

Congrats Tenk. Heal up brother. I'll be joining you next week.