Age 39, seeking advice

[Larry10625]

Hello Larry I hope all is well. I guess I should start out by saying I have a very loving and understanding wife. The way I was handling my ED issues, such as the constant feelings of being inadequate, constantly apologizing without trying to find solutions and thinking my wife was going to leave me when she was not even thinking about it begins to take its toll on a marriage in a variety of ways. On the flip side some women are like how you describe and then again so are some men. The important part of the whole post was to try and help those new to the forum that there are steps that can be taken to begin to help yourself or your relationship and that there is hope when all else has failed. We all respond to these issues in different ways and I'm glad there is a place like this for men to go to that shows them that there are people willing to share their stories to help others. Have a good one brother.

Jayham, I couldn't agree with you more... When I thought my wife was upset with my inability to perform and make myself feel good, she was actually upset because she thought there was nothing in it for me. As you may know, I am on the bench until November (I hope), when I get a new implant. I try to explain to my wife that there is the emotional side to sex as well as the physical side, but I don't think she is buying it. I am very confident that our marriage will last "till death do us part". As for the forum, I agree but I like the positive side, not the negative Nelly all the damn time. Have a great day my friend.

Larry

[Larry10625]

As I sit here into my 3rd week of waiting for my surgeon's staff to get my insurance approval, I've been thinking about all the posts I just read in this thread. At my first visit with the uro he told me the fact that I had the lower third of my colon removed was highly likely the cause of my ED that wouldn't respond to any treatment. Now I'm trying to shrug off guilt feelings for the past 20 years of wondering if I was able to seduce a hot young girl like I used to routinely have if my ED would not happen. Not that I'm particularly religious, but I seem to recall hearing Jesus said if the thought is in your heart you are even more guilty than if you committed the act. I've laid in bed countless times remembering girls from my past and the sex we had to try and get myself aroused enough to jerk off. No luck.

I recall full well how after the partial colectomy when ED happened my wife lamenting "you used to get hard as soon as you touched me". She had gained some weight after the birth of our 3rd child and figured she wasn't attractive to me anymore. That hurt as much as my constant failure in the sack. Eventually our marriage became more like 2 roommates sharing a house. Tenderness went the way of the dodo bird (extinct). I've become somewhat hard and unforgiving and jump down her throat at the slightest provocation, real or imagined. She has become her own entirely self contained individual who accepted long ago her husband couldn't demonstrate love anymore.

The weekly testosterone injections I've been on, and the high T level I attained, turned my thinking back to what it was in my 20's. I go grocery shopping with my wife only to scout out the good lookers in the store and imagine myself with them. You could say my hormones are raging! I'm constantly looking. As cool as that might be, I find it totally sucks. I just want to be a calm, mature almost old man capable of loving his patient wife who has been there for me through 18 horrifying surgical events and long recoveries. I too wish I had gotten an implant a few decades back in my 40's.

I'm steeling myself against being depressed if Humana Medicare Advantage says my doc is not a network physician or they deny coverage altogether. I'm hoping I won't have to just give up entirely and live my life till the end and go out an entirely non sexually functioning shell of my former self. That would truly suck!

Dave; if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Don't give up until you've exhausted all the possibilities.

Larry

[Larry10625]

Regarding the comment "your ED is partly psychological." :

My wife wanted me to go to a psychologist before getting the implant. I spoke to my urologist about that and he stated that "if the injections are not working, then this is 100% a physical problem" "If your ED was because of a psyche issue, then the injections would have made you hard as a rock for hours". It is obvious to me that seeing a psychologist to help with your ED is a worthless endeavor. If your ED is indeed psychological, I suggest popping a couple Viagra, or shooting some trimix, and spend an hour with a hot girl. Your psyche problems will melt away.

Regarding the timing of implant and being age 39.

your implants, on average, will last ten years each. So you will face a few revisions. That sucks, but you need to face up to the fact that you have a disease, and there is a surgical cure for that disease. Your decision is when you want to stop suffering from that disease. If having ED makes you "suffer," then you should consider the nuclear option of getting an implant. I read an interview with an implant surgeon who stated the following regarding the appropriateness of placing an implant into a young patient. "No man should be forced to suffer for twenty years with ED". In other words, as DG_moore states "nothing good happens while you wait"

Regarding the risk to benefit ratio for an implant at age forty

An implant surgeon reminded me that "a man gets an implant for himself, and to improve himself. Do not do it for someone else" In other words, do not get an implant because you think it will make your partner happier.
For me, I strongly felt that going the sequence of Pills-->injections--->stronger injections---->cock ring + injections was necessary since I came into surgery knowing that "i had no other choices" so the choice of surgery was easy for me since I refused to lead a sexless life. After my consultation with Dr Eid, I called a few patients, and one of them stated "you know, my feeling was that: there is no way that I am going to go out like this" with regards to the notion of living a life, and one day dying but without the capability to be a sexual being

Regarding the best age for implant

A surgeon told me that a "sweet spot" for age and implant might be at age 57, because that implant will likely be used a significant amount, and the man might likely only need one revision in their life. HOWEVER, my wife is pissed that I did not get the implant sooner because her peak sex years were before menopause. So, I do agree with the idea that you should maximize your sex capabliity while you are younger than 52, because those younger years are your most vigorous sex years. Once your wife goes through menopause (usually age 51), her desire for sex will drop significantly, so one can argue that the implant should be placed well before your partner hits menopause (ie, age 45 ???)

Tangerine; You are a wise fella. I am thinking the best couple would be a 52 year old male with an implant and a big bottle of lube, and a 20 year old female virgin.