Should I tell my friends?

[Jerryf]

I'm having the implant next Tuesday. I've been telling my office and friends hernia surgery. That has been the end of the questions. My 3 grown kids and wife know the truth.

[Expo2000]

first, many thanks to everyone for such great and interesting responses.

I don't know if this had ever been a topic before on Frank Talk, but it seeks to be of interest to many of you, who offered some great perspectives.

I would even encourage new patients to spend some time thinking about who (If anyone) and what (if anything) you will disclose later.

From the survey on this post, there seems to be three basic approaches:
A) no disclosure, it's a private matter
B) Partial, but not fully accurate disclosure (e.g. hernia, TURP, etc)
C) humorous and distracting response ("crack a fat", etc)

It also seems to me that there is no universal, correct answer here... instead the type of response you choose is reflective of your personality. Perhaps I shouldn't be too surprised by this... (sometimes I'm such a simpleton)

Without too much prior thought I chose (A), but in retrospect I should have gone with (B), because it would've saved some problems later...
A couple of you sage fellows also got into some analysis into friendship, and offered some views on what this all says about both myself and my friend. Thanks for these insights, I will reflect further on all of that, and what it might mean to us going forward.

Update: neither one of us contacted the other today. We'll see where this goes..

Thanks again to you all!

And please also continue the discussion, the topic is applicable to everyone of us, both in the short term (immediately post surgery), and longer term (maybe after gaining confidence and comfort with the new reality).

Cheers to you all!
Expo

[TANGERINE]

did I make a mistake by letting a friend know I had surgery?

My answer is that is not a good idea to tell friends about the implant. It is just too juicy and irresistible for gossip. the only person, in my opinion, who should know about the implant would be the person you are having sex with.

Now, for those of us who occasionally face the situation where answers are demanded regarding why we were "out for a week", there should generally be enough respect from friends/acquaintances to back off the moment you say "I had some urological surgery", but in the case that there is an inqusition, I think it is OK to disrespect those inqusitioners with the following white lies:

1) " I had a hernia repair "
or
2) "I had urological surgery " ---> "old man plumbing stuff" ---> "operation in and around my prostate for benign problems" ---> "removal of a benign lump on my testicle"
or
3) for medically savy inquistioners "i had a cystocele repair"

By the way, what do you do if your one night stand fondles your balls and detects the pump ?
1) "yup" I have had some work down there. I am now totally normal, and you will not notice anything different except that I get harder and last longer than any man that you have been with. And then when the girl says "umm what do you mean" you can answer "well, for example, I am one of the few guys who can have multiple orgasms" and then let the lovemaking begin.
or
2) that extra ball down there, it is called a "door knocker" and it is supposed to make doggy style sex more pleasurable for the women as the knocker slaps up against her butt (I got it when I was younger in the phillipines) "Let's try it and see what you think." And then, when she says it doesn't seem to make much difference, say "I think it really feels best once we have been thrusting for 20 minutes doggy style, so lets keep trying" (by the way, implants like that in the phillipines are called BOLITAS)
or
3) for medically savy detectives: that extra ball down there, it is residual medical coils and plugs for a "varicocele repair"
or
4) for the stubbornly accurate inquisitor detective: "yup, i had some work down there, it's a little pump and it means that I get harder and last longer than most men; and it means that my dick will never fail you, ever. It also means I can adjust how hard I can get, go ahead and feel; if I am ever too hard for you, I can back it off a little. Let's play and see what you think.

[Zxylpk]

Tang, just got around to reading your post. almost choked on my coffee. Expo, did your friend ever ever contact you? Just curious.

[OttoHS]

I have told both my family and my friends about both my penile implant and my artificial urinary sphincter (AUS). I had a radical prostatectomy when I was 55 and my significant side effects, especially incontinence, were no secret among my family and close friends. So, when I had surgery, I saw no reason to hide what I was doing. I have had some ribbing from close friends, but we also joke about others' medical issues. For the most part people have been understanding and respectful.

I can understand why people would be reluctant to talk about their implant. But, I think that it is important that the issues that aging men face, especially those like me who have had to deal with prostate cancer, should be discussed openly. In my view, a penile implant after a RP should be viewed the same way that a woman's breast reconstruction after having a mastectomy is viewed. Now, I know that is not the case right now. But, if we keep silent things never will change.

[Tybeeman]

I have told both my family and my friends about both my penile implant and my artificial urinary sphincter (AUS). I had a radical prostatectomy when I was 55 and my significant side effects, especially incontinence, were no secret among my family and close friends. So, when I had surgery, I saw no reason to hide what I was doing. I have has some ribbing from close friends, but we also joke about others' medical issues. For the most part people have been understanding and respectful.

I can understand why people would be reluctant to talk about their implant. But, I think that it is important that the issues that aging men face, especially those like me who have had to deal with prostate cancer, should be discussed openly. In my view, a penile implant after a RP should be viewed the same way that a woman's breast reconstruction after having a mastectomy is viewed. Now, I know that is not the case right now. But, if we keep silent things never will change.

Very good point. I have thought about that a lot. Lot of us prostatectomy guys out here that never got their erections back and don't talk about it. My wife did not want anyone to know but I think there are a lot of guys that need help. Now I just try to promote this site as much as I can.

[radiodec]

I read earlier in this post where one of us was talking about getting a tee shirt, something like Erections that will never let you down.

Since I am in the metal buildings industry I can have a "pun"ishing tee shirt: Erections of Steel.

[Smetro]

did I make a mistake by letting a friend know I had surgery?

My answer is that is not a good idea to tell friends about the implant. It is just too juicy and irresistible for gossip. the only person, in my opinion, who should know about the implant would be the person you are having sex with.

Now, for those of us who occasionally face the situation where answers are demanded regarding why we were "out for a week", there should generally be enough respect from friends/acquaintances to back off the moment you say "I had some urological surgery", but in the case that there is an inqusition, I think it is OK to disrespect those inqusitioners with the following white lies:

1) " I had a hernia repair "
or
2) "I had urological surgery " ---> "old man plumbing stuff" ---> "operation in and around my prostate for benign problems" ---> "removal of a benign lump on my testicle"
or
3) for medically savy inquistioners "i had a cystocele repair"

By the way, what do you do if your one night stand fondles your balls and detects the pump ?
1) "yup" I have had some work down there. I am now totally normal, and you will not notice anything different except that I get harder and last longer than any man that you have been with. And then when the girl says "umm what do you mean" you can answer "well, for example, I am one of the few guys who can have multiple orgasms" and then let the lovemaking begin.
or
2) that extra ball down there, it is called a "door knocker" and it is supposed to make doggy style sex more pleasurable for the women as the knocker slaps up against her butt (I got it when I was younger in the phillipines) "Let's try it and see what you think." And then, when she says it doesn't seem to make much difference, say "I think it really feels best once we have been thrusting for 20 minutes doggy style, so lets keep trying" (by the way, implants like that in the phillipines are called BOLITAS)
or
3) for medically savy detectives: that extra ball down there, it is residual medical coils and plugs for a "varicocele repair"
or
4) for the stubbornly accurate inquisitor detective: "yup, i had some work down there, it's a little pump and it means that I get harder and last longer than most men; and it means that my dick will never fail you, ever. It also means I can adjust how hard I can get, go ahead and feel; if I am ever too hard for you, I can back it off a little. Let's play and see what you think.

Tanj
mate if I read this without knowing you were 'true blue' I would immediately know where you are from!!
You just can't hide our slant on the world.
"Yeah mate, she's seen a cockatoo" hahahaha
Your suggestions (particularly 1 and 2 for the uninitiated woman are spot on!!

[Smetro]

did I make a mistake by letting a friend know I had surgery?

My answer is that is not a good idea to tell friends about the implant. It is just too juicy and irresistible for gossip. the only person, in my opinion, who should know about the implant would be the person you are having sex with.

Now, for those of us who occasionally face the situation where answers are demanded regarding why we were "out for a week", there should generally be enough respect from friends/acquaintances to back off the moment you say "I had some urological surgery", but in the case that there is an inqusition, I think it is OK to disrespect those inqusitioners with the following white lies:

1) " I had a hernia repair "
or
2) "I had urological surgery " ---> "old man plumbing stuff" ---> "operation in and around my prostate for benign problems" ---> "removal of a benign lump on my testicle"
or
3) for medically savy inquistioners "i had a cystocele repair"

By the way, what do you do if your one night stand fondles your balls and detects the pump ?
1) "yup" I have had some work down there. I am now totally normal, and you will not notice anything different except that I get harder and last longer than any man that you have been with. And then when the girl says "umm what do you mean" you can answer "well, for example, I am one of the few guys who can have multiple orgasms" and then let the lovemaking begin.
or
2) that extra ball down there, it is called a "door knocker" and it is supposed to make doggy style sex more pleasurable for the women as the knocker slaps up against her butt (I got it when I was younger in the phillipines) "Let's try it and see what you think." And then, when she says it doesn't seem to make much difference, say "I think it really feels best once we have been thrusting for 20 minutes doggy style, so lets keep trying" (by the way, implants like that in the phillipines are called BOLITAS)
or
3) for medically savy detectives: that extra ball down there, it is residual medical coils and plugs for a "varicocele repair"
or
4) for the stubbornly accurate inquisitor detective: "yup, i had some work down there, it's a little pump and it means that I get harder and last longer than most men; and it means that my dick will never fail you, ever. It also means I can adjust how hard I can get, go ahead and feel; if I am ever too hard for you, I can back it off a little. Let's play and see what you think.

Tanj
Mate..... if I read this without knowing you were 'true blue' I would immediately know where you are from!!
You just can't hide our slant on the world.
"Yeah, she's seen a cockatoo" hahahaha
Your suggestions (particularly 1 and 2 for the uninitiated woman are spot on!!

[TANGERINE]

by the way, I do need to give credit to:

ableman28,

he was the one who introduced us all to the idea of a "door knocker". In a previous thread where there was a question "should I tell women about my implants ?" ableman posted the following cool answer:

ableman28 states,
I've been with a fair number of women since my implant.

Only one has ever said anything. More may have noticed but they didn't comment and no one seemed either put off or declined a return opportunity if I was interested.

The one who did notice, I told her it was a "door knocker" a plastic ball implanted in the Phillipines....intended to slap up against a woman's butt during intercourse and the result of youthful bad judgement on my part (I'm 67 now). She was curious about whether it would work but afterwards didn't think it made much difference but it was an interesting. (FYI you actually used to be able to, and perhaps still can, get plastic inserts of the penis and scrotum done in the Phillipinnes. They are called bolita's.)

The fact that I can get hard and stay hard under any circumstance as long as I want has never been questioned, just appreciated as far as I can gell.

Women do notice that I am harder than other men they have been with but, seriously, I get the impression from what they say that I am the standard they are looking for an softer dicks were less than they were looking for. Go figure.