Too Bad I Don't Have Asian Fetish...

[DaveKell]

Just got back from my first official post op visit with implant surgeon. While waiting to see him, a beautiful, slender, fit looking Asian woman came into the room and told me she was my doctor's "fellow" and she wanted to take a look. She had a gorgeous smile and enthusiastic attitude. I laid on the reclined chair and slid my pants down. She immediately began feeling all over my cock and palpated the pump. She asked if I'd mind if she inflated me. I almost said "just give it a second, I think I'm gonna be the first implantee where it will happen naturally", instead I opted for "okay". She got it rock hard and squeezed the shaft a few times and said 3 or 4 times "this is excellent". She deflated me and rather heavy handedly squeezed it down farther than I do myself. She told me to pull my pants up, that the doc would be right in. I wanted to say "wait, didn't we just have a moment there?", but again opted for a weak "okay". The last thing she said was "I hope you're getting a lot of good use out of that".

It only took me 38 years to have another beautiful woman handle my cock since getting married and I'm desperately trying not to dwell on it! I told the doc how life changing the implant had been and that the only concern I had was the diminished girth I had. He told me that in a natural erection the outer tissue is thickened, which increases girth, and that I didn't have that happening anymore. Satisfactory answer, since I really wasn't concerned all that much. After all, I'm having the greatest sex of my life when it happens. Then he hit me with a great offer. He said they're having an information seminar next week in a small auditorium at the hospital. It's for guys with ED to learn about treatment options and he asked me to come and speak at it and repeat most of what I had told him. He said I seemed to be a good communicator and that I'd be beneficial to have in the program. He also said manufacturers reps would be there from the implant device companies and that they are always looking to recruit speakers for these events. He said they fly you all over the country and I hope give you a speaking fee as well. I assured him I'd be there. I have a few memorable public speaking experiences under the belt. Hopefully I'll have a shot at becoming a new face of ED... successfully treated.

Now, I'm trying to come up with an opening joke for my first shot at it. Maybe something like "a doctor, lawyer, and a guy with an implant walked into a bar"... or, "why did a guy with an implant cross the road?". I'm open to suggestions! It just has to be for mature audiences without being crass or vulgar. Wish me luck!

[ThePlumber1964]

I don’t know how to turn your almost-unique story of being the first implantee to be pretty close to have an expontaneous erection experience into a tasteful opening joke, but I think it has great potential! Again, the twist has to be VERY tasteful due to your audience, but it may just be better to keep it for last. Just as a way to show that it does not only helped you with your ED, but with your self confidence, or something to that effect.

ThePlumber

[TANGERINE]

here is a joke:

Mr Wilson was sitting in the emergency department having trouble breathing. He had an oxygen mask over his face, so his words were hard to fully decipher. A nice young nursing student was taking care of him, and he kept asking her: "nurse, are my testicles black ?"; and she ignored him since it was apparent that he was more likely having a heart attack rather than a testicle problem. But, he persisted and asked the question over and over again with the nurse hearing the words "are my testicles black ?". Well, the young nurse noticed that he was getting more and more agitated at not having an answer, so she decided to put things to rest, and she pulled down the bed sheets, examined his testicles, and said: "Mr Wilson, your testicles are not black."

After that, Mr Wilson pulled the oxygen mask off his face so that the young nurse could hear him clearly, and he said:

"Nurse, that was very nice , but what I have been asking is: 'are my test-results back ?' "

[ThePlumber1964]

[Jamesbond]

Was a joke on this site
I will try to repeat it. But don't think I. Can do it as god as original.
Could not find again.

Tourist goesinto a resturant in Spain. Tourist asked waiter for something special.
Waiter agreed, went into kitchen. Few minutes later he returned with 2 balls on a plate.
He asked the waiter what It was. Waiter replied thier was a bull fight earlier and the bull lost. It was the testicles from the bull. It is a delicacy. At first he did not want to try it. He ate then and they where good. Next day the tourist went back to the same resturant. He saw the waiter and told him to bring how what he brought him the day before. The waiter agreed. Few minutes later the waiter brought him a plate.
Tourist asked why are these balls so much smaller.
The waiter replied sometimes the bull wins.

Okay, joke on this site was much better. Sorry
Old Joke probably could find it online someplace.
Bond

[DaveKell]

My wife is a retired kindergarten teacher. One of her former students she had in class 30 years ago is a standup comedian in LA. I messaged him and asked for a joke. He sent me a link to about a thousand Viagra jokes. Not exactly what I was looking for but I'm looking at a few I might rewrite.

[Lost Sheep]

If you would not violate a confidence, sharing the link with us would allow you to "crowdsource" your joke

Or just PM selected induviduals if you feel tgat would be better.

[tomas1]

I realize this isn't the humor thread, but I heard a good old guys joke today at the golf course (I even shot 89 lol).

An old guy asks to join 3 other old guys to play.
He says that his eyesight isn't good so would they watch his drive.
He hits the drive and asks "did you see it"
The old guys say "we saw it, but don't remember where it went"