Sex anxiety

[frwmw1]

Some doctors still believe it unnecessary to taper off SSRI's though, and they are unaware of PSSD (Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction).

[irishguy]

As well as all the Ed pills lotions and potions I went to different counsellors and a psycho sexual councillor in the end actually she put me on to the urologist that finally sent me on the right direction for an implant!! if you feel it’s heavily psychological go to the professionals in that.. all doctors did for me was throw pills at me and never once mentioned psychological help!! You could just be a block of stress and anxiety which will always effect the erection or ya might find out that that does not help you. Try everything before implant but take it from me I got the implant at 26 my ed started 17/18 i would have got it a lot earlier if I knew what I now know!! There is a lot of mental scarring from having Ed for years.. just don’t sit around and wallow get up and get active in your pursuit of what’s causing your Ed. Best of luck

[Lost Sheep]

Thanks for asking our advice, Tomtomtom28.

I used to have anxiety about coitus as my E.D. slowly blossomed in my mid-twenties and came to fruition in my 50s.  (The dissonance of the imagery comparing blossoming and fruition to withering of my penis notwithstanding)

It is devastating to one's self-image.  But it is not hopeless.  Not by a long shot.

I have really bad anxiety when it comes to sex, I just do and I can’t help it

Actually, there is a lot you can do about your anxiety.  I will write more further down in this post.

I’ve recently started to see a girl and I’ve not being able to get out of my head and it’s meant I’ve kind of ended this relationship

I have let a few relationships "die on the vine" by my inactions.  Tragic. Especially because it does not have to be.  

She is seeing you because she LIKES you.  (At least I hope that's the reason.) And you don't have to stay in the "Friend Zone" if you take care of her sexual needs by means that still work.  If she has invited you into her bed and your penis does not perform, you can still be welcome there if you can get her clitoris to "perform" to her satisfaction. Statistics confirm that penis-in-vagina (PIV sex or coitus) alone is an unreliable way to produce the female orgasm. It may be satisfying to take a man into her body that way (the closeness is very nice), but that closeness does not require an erection or penetration. And the female orgasm does not, either. Lots of women eschew PIV sex, fearing pregnancy or STDs anyway.  They still get aroused and they still get satisfied.

I know of at least one woman who prefers men with E.D. on the theory that they are willing to learn better ways of satisfying her than just by penile sex (which, truly, does not produce orgasms in the woman as reliably as a tongue does). But I do not want to turn this post into an advertisement for cunnilingus. Rather, an exhortation for COMMUNICATING with your partner(s).

Many women feel validated when they see and feel their man's penis erect itself by her ministrations. If you tell her up front that the erectile response is not to be expected, she will not be too disappointed and accept you as you are (more on this later in my post). Many women also feel validated when they give their men orgasms by any means. (And women who put their partner's orgasm ahead of their own are not rare.) Fellatio can be very satisfying for her if she knows you are enjoying it and orgasm and ejaculation by fellatio with a limp penis is quite possible - I know, for I have experienced it. And, let me tell you, a woman who gets off on making her man orgasm and ejaculate is not disappointed by his semen coming from a soft dick rather than a hard one, especially if he has prepared her with the facts. Communication is key.

I’m going to try mindfulness and keep on the medication. I’m 4 weeks in on 50mg of sertraline ( Zoloft )

Mindfulness is very important and a great start.  Focus on what is important and identify and ignore that which is not.

As others have pointed out, stopping a medication, especially a psychotropic one can be dangerous and it is best to discuss with your prescribing physician thoroughly. And tell him or her EVERYTHING. It may be embarrassing (it was for me) to admit to your physicians all your problems, but they are professionals and pledged to help you and not to judge you.

Have any of you been that psychologically in your head that you’ve had the implant. 

I’ve read a lot about why you would have an implant such as prostate, venous leak etc but/would you get one just for psychological Ed.

I would not get implanted for psychological E.D.  Psychologic effects are curable. Save surgery (which is a strictly physical fix) for fixing physical defects. Non-physical defects can be repaired by surgery, but addressing the underlying cause is almost always better. It may be more work for the patient, but engenders better outcomes, both physically and mentally. 

Also note that an implant is not a cure.  In fact, it turns E.D. permanently into irreversible impotence (erectile impotence, not procreative impotence - let's be clear).  The redundancy is intentional.  If the psychological E.D. proves incurable, then yes, I would consider implant, but only after exhausting the other options.  A natural erection is better than an implant in so many ways.

It causes depression/anxiety and feel I can’t move on properly with my life as I’ve got it lurking around me all the time.
Been like this since 18 to now and I’m 34 so a real long time

Keep in mind that sex is not your whole life and E.D. only makes sex inconvenient, anyway, and far from impossible. And anxiety and depression do not necessarily follow that inconvenience. The song "Sweet Misery" by Hoyt Axton addresses my point.

If you let it get you down, you know I'll bet you
It will get you down and walk around on you.
(jump forward to later in the song)
If you let it get you up, you know I'l bet you
It will will get you up and keep you smiling' through

Happiness or unhappiness is not determined by your circumstances. They are determined by your response to your circumstances. YOU produce (therefore control) your response. It is not easy, but life is not always so.

In my teens and into my twenties, I had terrific erections.  So much so that I often found it impossible to urinate until the erection went down, and that sometimes took a while and often would not subside until I took matters into my own hands, literally.  When I finally got a girl to have sex with me it was a different matter.  Orgasm and ejaculation was quick the first time, but a refractory 15 minutes later, I could go again.  (Later in life, the refractory period expanded.  Now it is a couple of days!)

As I became aware (I am a slow learner, and my girlfriends were too kind to assert their lack of orgasms) that my penis was not as satisfying to my sexual partners as it was to me, I learned to be shy about sex and anything around girls (shier than I was naturally).  

Still I persisted and had relationships. Some of those wonderful women stuck around because they liked me outside of bed and even still had sex with me. Eventually I learned other ways of sexually satisfying my partners.  

At this point I must tell you (if you didn't already know, and by your predicament, I suspect you don't) that women are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted, respected and safe.

Then E.D. turned ugly and became full-on functional impotence, having only soft erections and sometimes no response at all.

I went on a dating site and was honest about my inability to have PIV sex and that I was intending to have an implant to fix that problem. My honesty and candor was commented on several times as "brave" and "refreshing". My point here is that women appreciate and respect candor.

Don't waste a day of a potential relationship just because sex may a little difficult. Women appreciate a man who faces his shortcomings and is willing to take steps to overcome them. Even while coming up short in penile sex, if he does not hide from it, and takes proactive steps to compensate by whatever means are necessary and effective (tongue, hands, toys, etc).

Trust her. Let her know by your words and actions that you want to please her and that you trust her with your innermost secrets. She is almost certain to respond by trusting you with her sexuality and accepting you as you are,. Such a man, willing to admit to and to overcome adversity, is showing courage and a manhood that so-called "swinging dicks" and "swordsmen" can only hope to display. A confidence supported by a working penis is fragile. A confidence that overcomes a fragile penis is robust and a turn-on for a woman who will feel honored at the respect and trust you show her.

Life is too short to miss the joys of sex and too long to endure its absence.

[postra7777]

I am implanted now, however my ED was more psychological than physical. As I got older it was physical. There is another option, you can give Trimix a try. Many of us have used it and it works with or without sex anxiety. If it still worked on me I'd still be using it. Don't get me wrong I love my implant but it is the last frontier. There is no going back. If you're hesitant to inject yourself, don't be. I hated even getting the flu shot but with an auto injector you won't even feel it. Plus it gives you a rock hard erection for a couple of hours with no effect from psychological ups and downs.