My Journal

[merrix]

I had sex three weeks after the operation. It was sore of course but still great. After not even a minute I ejaculated, wow, that surprised me a lot. Now, after 4,5 months, there is no pain anymore and in a flacid state the dick points nicely to the ground - as before the op. But for more than three months it was quite visible. A lady looked at me and smiled, she even made a remark... But now it's fine.

Great post.
Just what I needed to hear.

Thanks StrongAgain.

We will see what happens tomorrow.
As it is now, my dick gets sore even after some gentle shadow boxing. Going straight in to 12 round pro boxing with an oppenent roaring to go all in after a long break might be too big a step to take already...

[strongagain]

For the first three months I applied twice a day a homoeopathic ointment called TRAUMEEL. It promotes healing. When my doctor saw me after six weeks he remarked that everything had healed very well. TRAUMEEL is made in Germany but you should get it in Thailand too. I'm living in South Africa, here one can find it in every health shop and pharmacy. If you don't get it in Thailand I can forward the ointment to you.

Later, when it's still sore, you can use VOLTAREN FORTE, also twice a day.

Tomorrow, before making love, take an Ibuprofen or similar...

[merrix]

So you just applied the gel to your scrotum and penis?

[strongagain]

So you just applied the gel to your scrotum and penis?

It's a white sticky ointment. Yes, my girlfriend gently massaged it into penis and scrotum, she loved doing it
During the day, if needed, you can apply Voltaren forte, but only twice a day.

[merrix]

Day 22 post op

Made it home. Now looking out over the swimming pool, palm trees, and a sun-glittering ocean from the floor-to-ceiling panorama windows of my living room. 33 deg Celcius (91 F) and I love this feeling. Being away makes me appreciate what I have all the more when I come back.

The trip went surprisingly well. No pain whatsoever after the initial pain during taxi from Manhattan to JFK and at JFK. Maybe some on the first flight as well (NY-Frankfurt). But the next long flight, Frankfurt-Bangkok was pain free, so was the transfer at Bangkok's shitty airport, and the last flight home.

A lot of thoughts running around in my head. Since most posts here at FT, in my opinion, are "Hallelujah the implant is the solution to all problems and makes life fantastic Amen", I am either just the odd one not being convinced or I am more of a frank talker than most. But for sure, I have my doubts. The feeling of having a prosthesis in the dick is going to take some time to get used to for me. The so called flaccid is definitely something to get used to as well. What I tell myself though is that so far I've only experienced the downsides.
The surgery and the recovery, the immediate (well 2 weeks for me) really bad pain. Terrible pain I would say in hindseight.
The doubts and uncertainty what the end result will be.
The early days flaccid which really is a problem. Where the F do I put it to feel comfortable and to not look like I have a boner? Probably pointing up, but that won't work very well with the clothes I usually wear. Modern style suits with low waist tightly fitted trousers and of course, the shirt tucked in. Low waist swimming shorts. Tight street shorts with a short tight T-shirt.
I just need to get to the stage where I can point it straight down with a bend backwards to the body (scrotum). That's the only way it is going to work. Otherwise it's going to be tough. I prefer 100% a big bulge in what at least is a natural flaccid position, than a dick that everyone can see either points straight up or towards one side. That can and will be suspected being a boner. . Not being able to wear a (nicely fitted) suit at work is not an option. It's a must. Not being able to wear good looking swim shorts will be a huge problem considering that I spend hours every weekend by the pool or on the beach.

But what I haven't yet experienced is the upside. The stress free, enjoyable sex. The joy of never having to feel like shit again after having a great night with my wife, having friends over, dinner, nice music, some drinks. Going to bed after all the guests are gone with great expectations from both of us. And unfortunately a worry from both uf us as well that things might not work tonight. And then the total disappointment when the crap-dick goes limp after five minutes. Thanks and good night honey. Better luck next time.

That's why I am still optimistic, and just keep telling myself that first of all it's way to early to say whether this was the right thing to do or not. I simply haven't seen the finished product yet. And till I have, I will stay in the optimistic mode and not let the doubts take over.

But anyway, at this stage, there are doubts. On the other hand, I know I was in a place didn't want to be before either. So where does that leave me? I can't choose the fantasy place - the natural dick which works great. It was ED or implant.

And, another note on the break-in needed for the pump: I really thought, as said before, that the OTR (One Touch Release) was a marketing hoax. I had to keep constant pressure on the release valve while squeezing the penis simultaneously. The deflation took 30-60 seconds. Then I got pissed off and pressed it as hard as I just could. Much harder than I ever thought could ever possibly be needed. And then that OTR function showed itself. The valve opened and stayed open. Enormous difference in ease of deflation. And then, as Eid recommended, give the pump one squeeze to lock the valve again in order to avoid auto-fill. And this first pump, to lock the release valve, takes some power as well.
I am a strong guy, having spent a lot of time in the gym the last 25 years. I know I am stronger than most people. And I still am amazed of the power that needs to be applied. I just didn't press that release button that hard simply because I thought that there is no way the design can require more force than what I already applied. But it did.
Now that I know what force it takes, it's no problem. But I can imagine that a lot of people must struggle in the beginning. It takes a good, firm and safe grip. Slipping when applying that force could cause some pretty bad pain to a testicle that would happen to get in the way...

And - another thing. I have, ever since I got rid of the F catheter three days post op, been pissing dark yellow urine. Even though I was drinking 3-4 liters of water per day, it didn't matter. My urine was still dark yellow. I normally drink a lot of water and normally my urine is very clear. I got afraid something was wrong. I had an idea that it was because of all the pain killers, and their effect on the kidneys. Basically been on them daily, in decreasing doses, all the way up till now. The last one I took now was in the cab from Manhattan to JFK, which was 33 hours ago. And just now, finally, my urine looked like normal again. One issue less to worry about...

22 hours till wife and daughter comes back from Scandinavia. Looking forward to see them, haven't seen them for 30 days now, as I left a week before the surgery for business. Miss them. We will have friday night, saturday and sunday till noon together before I leave on a business trip for four days.

I have told myself it's too early to have sex tomorrow. That'd be day 22. But I'm not sure I'll be able to resist the temptation to try. I want the sex and I want to start experience the upsides of the implant and not only the downsides as I have so far. But I also don't want to start off with a negative experience. As in having to disrupt the act because of pain.

We will see what happens.

Till next time.

[moetheman]

...A lot of thoughts running around in my head. Since most posts here at FT, in my opinion, are "Hallelujah the implant is the solution to all problems and makes life fantastic Amen", I am either just the odd one not being convinced or I am more of a frank talker than most. But for sure, I have my doubts."

This is the same boat I'm in. I might be generalising but I think the younger guys are struggling a lot more with the implants. I have already talked about a lot of issues with my procedure which are causing a lot of depressing thoughts currently. However I also try to imagine if the implant had been fitted perfectly, would this make me feel much better? Honestly I don't know. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd still feel with having to inflate in front of the partner (I don't think I would like to hide this from the partner either as that would make me feel worse that I have something really wrong that I need to hide). I thought the implant would make me feel a lot better but so far it hasn't. I think the journey felt good but arriving at the destination is not feeling good as yet.

To be honest, even cycling the implant kind of gets me down currently. It could be the size / fitting issue in my case, I just don't know. I don't think the dick will ever be the way it used to be, it might get close but not the same. I don't know what the wife would make of it either. I know partners can sometimes hide their true feelings to make us feel better but I would start having doubts in my head whether the partner is actually enjoying the intimate experience or trying to make us feel better. My wife is still in her early 30's and actually looks like in her mid-20's and one of the hottest girls, in top shape. Should I even think about subjecting her to this for the rest of our lives? Is implant really the saviour?

[C_lab34]

Wanting to please your partner is, to an extent, a noble desire, but it can also turn into a masochistic, self loathing fixation. You may be right that your penis will never be the same, but I also think that you should just see how you feel about it when you are cleared for sex, and then actually having it. We could worry all day and night long about whether we are truly pleasing our partner, or if they are just saying what they think will make us feel better, or if we are as good as other men, and on and on. With this rumination, we lose sight of our own happiness, and by thinking that we still aren't good enough, we compromise it. This might sound selfish, but I got implanted for myself. I wasn't happy and wanted reliable functioning. That's it. I think I was sized properly so it might be easier for me to say. But, maybe I wasn't. I don't know for sure yet. Maybe I'll end up shorter/thinner. Everyone has their own struggle, and I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but I'm just trying to focus on what I wanted to get out this, and why I felt the need to do it. I'm just not thinking about whether or not my partner will like it or not in some deeper sense. Thinking that you are "subjecting" someone to yourself is going to just doom you from the start, internally. If she doesn't like the new you, she can leave, and you can find someone that does, but you have to accept yourself first.

[alibaba]

Everyone knows up front flacid will not be the same, especially if you are a grower. The question is, if flacid from ED when you want to be erect is the norm you have to live with, do you want to live always With ED? d

[moetheman]

Wanting to please your partner is, to an extent, a noble desire, but it can also turn into a masochistic, self loathing fixation. You may be right that your penis will never be the same, but I also think that you should just see how you feel about it when you are cleared for sex, and then actually having it. We could worry all day and night long about whether we are truly pleasing our partner, or if they are just saying what they think will make us feel better, or if we are as good as other men, and on and on. With this rumination, we lose sight of our own happiness, and by thinking that we still aren't good enough, we compromise it. This might sound selfish, but I got implanted for myself. I wasn't happy and wanted reliable functioning. That's it. I think I was sized properly so it might be easier for me to say. But, maybe I wasn't. I don't know for sure yet. Maybe I'll end up shorter/thinner. Everyone has their own struggle, and I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but I'm just trying to focus on what I wanted to get out this, and why I felt the need to do it. I'm just not thinking about whether or not my partner will like it or not in some deeper sense. Thinking that you are "subjecting" someone to yourself is going to just doom you from the start, internally. If she doesn't like the new you, she can leave, and you can find someone that does, but you have to accept yourself first.

You make a lot of very good points. I did get implanted for myself, and was really happy with the decision to do so even after the op. At the time I was feeling amazing as I had a lot of hope. I think what it might be is that I'm disappointed with the outcome after 7 weeks of recovery. Please note, I wasn't after a perfect result and would have accepted some size loss and other changes, but currently I don't think I have a good enough functioning penis. However it could be that I've lost some perspective, hence I'm going in for a second opinion with London Andrology to check if my concerns are valid or not.

BTW C_lab34, I'm following your thread, Kramer seems like an excellent choice. If I need a revision I'll go to him, really like his tone of voice in your YouTube video.

[Anonymous 3]

Gentlemen, I can certainly sympathize with your feelings of doubt about whether your implants will do what you hope they will. I am much older than most of you young fellow but even us old guys can feel some doubts, especially after years of ED, prostate cancer etc etc. ED becomes part of your sexual being and just because you have an implant doesn't mean those feelings of failure, depression, etc are going to disappear overnight. It will take some time and the more good experiences you have once you can start to have regular relations, the less you will feel insecure. Even after 8 months, there is that flash of worry that "what if I lose my erection?" surfaces. It is ridiculous of course, because it never happens but that worry is still playing a role, albeit a minor and diminishing one. It will take some time but it does get better. If you fall asleep after sex without deflating, the erection is still there in the morning. It never fails and if it does it can be fixed.

As for feeling like it is artificial in some way, well it is. But what about taking a pill to try to force your body to do something is can't reasonably do any more without help? Done injections? Pretty artificial when you think about it, injecting a substance into your penis, again to try and force it become erect? A giant mood killer, that. The VED? Now that is about as artificial as you can get, messing with pumps, lube, shaving, constriction rings and talk about a mood killer. So an implant may seem fake but it takes just a minute, the erect penis is natural looking and feeling (except for the part that the erections lasts and lasts and lasts) and it is the very best option once all the other methods have failed you.

Think of it this way. When you get old and crippled with arthritis and just moving is painful and your doc says we can fix that. How about a knee replacement? Are you going to say nope, it's not natural enough? How about, like me, when you develop cataracts in both eyes and can no longer drive at night and glasses can no longer correct your vision and your doc says we can fix that. We can suck out your old natural lenses and replace them with fake ones and you will see perfectly again for the rest of your life. Are you really going to say, "Nope, plastic lenses in my eyes would not be natural. I will just let my vision deteriorate until I am blind!"?

Like me, you have lost all your teeth due to decay caused by medication and the dentist says, we can fix that with dentures. Going to say nope?

You like sex, you love your wife or other partner and you are not ready to spend the rest of your life celibate. Your doc says try these pills, try injections, try suppositories (MUSE=Must Use Something Else!!) try a vacuum pump. Nothing works. Doc says we can fix that with an implant.

My point is, today there are many body part and functions that can be replaced or augmented with fake parts. I have many already and they have improved my life immeasurably. I can see far better now than I did when I was 12 years old. I had the corrective lens restriction removed from my driver's licence for goodness sakes! Why should ED be any different? I, after years, now have a full hard erection that lasts as long as I want, it looks real, feels real and is a great relief.

And lastly, keep the faith that things will get better. Yup, this sounds like one of the hallelujah posts, but it is true for me. Two expressions come to mind, the self-fulfilling prophecy and nothing succeeds like success. If you predict that your implant will not lead you to a better sex life than it won't. On the other hand, once you have some successful sexual encounters you will gain confidence that subsequent times will be equally successful. Eventually there will be no doubts left. Listen to the wisdom of your elders!! (Just kidding!)